A Refugee's Sojourn
contemplative cinquain (see author's note)71 total reviews
Comment from Roisin
I really love it when you make slight adjustments to a form, Brooke. It just shows how comfortable and confident you are with the form and with writing poetry in general. This is a wonderful cinquain. I love the word choice and the play on the word 'gravity'. It's very clever. Wonderful writing.
Hugs
Roisin
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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I really love it when you make slight adjustments to a form, Brooke. It just shows how comfortable and confident you are with the form and with writing poetry in general. This is a wonderful cinquain. I love the word choice and the play on the word 'gravity'. It's very clever. Wonderful writing.
Hugs
Roisin
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Thank you, Roisin. I so appreciate your encouraging comments :-) Brooke
Comment from Deejharrington
You are so right! "a multitude of meanings" to be sure! I first thought of children of war, attempting to get away from it all, then I thought of all of us trying to run away from gavity (like with facelifts) or whatever we choose to not to face! This on is really open ended! I like it!
deb:)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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You are so right! "a multitude of meanings" to be sure! I first thought of children of war, attempting to get away from it all, then I thought of all of us trying to run away from gavity (like with facelifts) or whatever we choose to not to face! This on is really open ended! I like it!
deb:)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Deb, thank you for thinking it over and coming up with excellent possibilities - I always appreciate hearing from your thoughtful self :-) Brooke
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You're welocme, as always
deb
Comment from Sally Carter
A great little poem, using a vivid metaphor to describe the refugee's plight. I don't know enough about the form to argue or agree with your syllable arrangement, but the shape reflects the words very well.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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A great little poem, using a vivid metaphor to describe the refugee's plight. I don't know enough about the form to argue or agree with your syllable arrangement, but the shape reflects the words very well.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Thank you for your kind comments, as always :-) Brooke
Comment from LYLE
Brooke,
Your metaphors and images always leave me in awe of your talent. I love this piece, and I can understand from your notes the latitudes allowed. I have the habit of looking at phrasing as lyrics. Were I to sing this, it would be:
"I climb the tallest tree/where refuge can be found/but gravity still pulls me/(pause one beat) down!" In effect,
2/4/6/7/2. It interests me how each of us hears a different
(not better) sound, when we speak a poem's lines. Well done as always.
Fondly, Lyle
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Brooke,
Your metaphors and images always leave me in awe of your talent. I love this piece, and I can understand from your notes the latitudes allowed. I have the habit of looking at phrasing as lyrics. Were I to sing this, it would be:
"I climb the tallest tree/where refuge can be found/but gravity still pulls me/(pause one beat) down!" In effect,
2/4/6/7/2. It interests me how each of us hears a different
(not better) sound, when we speak a poem's lines. Well done as always.
Fondly, Lyle
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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What a lovely response to my poem, Lyle - thank you so much for your generosity of spirit and your most kind, encouraging comments!!! I like your observations on how you would read it. Brooke :-)
Comment from LauraKatherine
Sorry I haven't reviewed your work recently. I was out of town for a week and knew I wouldn't have time to review, so I turned off notifications of new work so I wouldn't be overwhelmed when I returned! I'm glad I got to read this one.
I looked up the various definitions of gravity. So many of them work in this poem! The obvious meaning of gravity as the "thing" that keeps us glued to earth and forces what goes up to come down is pretty easy to see. Someone climbs a tree. No matter what, they will come down in some form or fashion.
Then there's the state of being grave, when one's attitude is serious. Even if we can climb a tree, playfully, like a child, we are ultimately forced to remember upon descending the seriousness of conditions here on earth.
Which brings me to the final definition of gravity, that of danger or threat. I thought of this when I reread the title: a refugee's sojourn. To me, a refugee always reminds me of displaced peoples who no longer have a home, whether from war or famine or persecution or general bad circumstances that they must escape. (And "sojourn" always reminds me of Sojourner Truth.) They are in danger, attempting to climb up to refuge, and yet there is always the threat of the danger sucking them back to the ground where they started. (I thought of Toni Morrison's book Beloved, where the slave masters catch up with Sethe, trying to force her back into slavery, and she kills her child--death being the ultimate refuge from life, albeit a tragic one--so that child will never be pulled to the ground as Sethe was.)
Excellent, excellent poem. I am so glad I got to read it. Thank you for writing it! Laura
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Sorry I haven't reviewed your work recently. I was out of town for a week and knew I wouldn't have time to review, so I turned off notifications of new work so I wouldn't be overwhelmed when I returned! I'm glad I got to read this one.
I looked up the various definitions of gravity. So many of them work in this poem! The obvious meaning of gravity as the "thing" that keeps us glued to earth and forces what goes up to come down is pretty easy to see. Someone climbs a tree. No matter what, they will come down in some form or fashion.
Then there's the state of being grave, when one's attitude is serious. Even if we can climb a tree, playfully, like a child, we are ultimately forced to remember upon descending the seriousness of conditions here on earth.
Which brings me to the final definition of gravity, that of danger or threat. I thought of this when I reread the title: a refugee's sojourn. To me, a refugee always reminds me of displaced peoples who no longer have a home, whether from war or famine or persecution or general bad circumstances that they must escape. (And "sojourn" always reminds me of Sojourner Truth.) They are in danger, attempting to climb up to refuge, and yet there is always the threat of the danger sucking them back to the ground where they started. (I thought of Toni Morrison's book Beloved, where the slave masters catch up with Sethe, trying to force her back into slavery, and she kills her child--death being the ultimate refuge from life, albeit a tragic one--so that child will never be pulled to the ground as Sethe was.)
Excellent, excellent poem. I am so glad I got to read it. Thank you for writing it! Laura
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Laura, is a reviewer of the month kind of person ALLOWED to leave town and not just take a lap top along to review half of each day??? Have you checked with membership rules??? LOL
Thank you, dear friend, for such a thoughtful review upon your return :-) Brooke
Comment from Jazh
I love this one, Brooke. I can feel desperation, loneliness and depression in this. You have described this terrible search and disappointment so well - it's just like bipolar. I particularly like the 'gravity' cancelling refuge. :)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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I love this one, Brooke. I can feel desperation, loneliness and depression in this. You have described this terrible search and disappointment so well - it's just like bipolar. I particularly like the 'gravity' cancelling refuge. :)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Thank you, Adele - I truly appreciate your understanding of exactly what I intended to say. Brooke :-)
Comment from NadineM
Brooke,
This poem has profound meaning. You can reach the highest point possible but life's seriousness and reality manages to ground you every time. Even spiritually, we can reach our highest point, feeling hopeful and filled with God's love and joy yet our own personal situations manage to bring us back down...
Unless the forces and supports are there to keep us "off the ground" we'll end up "down" again...
I enjoyed your poem. I love those with multiple meanings, those that connect with the human spirit and apply to everyone.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Brooke,
This poem has profound meaning. You can reach the highest point possible but life's seriousness and reality manages to ground you every time. Even spiritually, we can reach our highest point, feeling hopeful and filled with God's love and joy yet our own personal situations manage to bring us back down...
Unless the forces and supports are there to keep us "off the ground" we'll end up "down" again...
I enjoyed your poem. I love those with multiple meanings, those that connect with the human spirit and apply to everyone.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Nadine, thank you for such an attentive read and insightful response to the meaning of this poem - so many people are willing to just say - you've counted your syllables right. :-) I truly appreciate this. Brooke :-)
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Brooke I love your cinquain
Great notes I didn't realize how this form should work
What made me laugh
After all the times I saw my cat stuck up in a tree I wished
gravity would push her to the ground
smiles
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Hello Brooke I love your cinquain
Great notes I didn't realize how this form should work
What made me laugh
After all the times I saw my cat stuck up in a tree I wished
gravity would push her to the ground
smiles
Gert
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Gert, I know what you mean - I had cats most of my life - and they do have a funny way of getting caught up those trees they climbed into with no trouble at all! :-) Thank you. Brooke
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You are welcome
Take care.
Gert
Comment from Nanny 6
Oh that constant weight of the world always trying to pull you down, even in the midst of trying to escape. This poem says more than meets the eye...Another ponder for the day, huh, Brooke? : ) Have a good one, Judy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Oh that constant weight of the world always trying to pull you down, even in the midst of trying to escape. This poem says more than meets the eye...Another ponder for the day, huh, Brooke? : ) Have a good one, Judy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Yep, this one is definitely a ponder poem :-) Thanks so much, Judy. Brooke :-)
Comment from PoesyPoet
Another wonderful tidbit from you, Adwepearl. I have missed your work and I'm glad I happened across this one today. Well done. PP
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Another wonderful tidbit from you, Adwepearl. I have missed your work and I'm glad I happened across this one today. Well done. PP
Comment Written 29-Jul-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2009
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Thank you, PP. You are most welcome to visit any day! Brooke :-)
