Family Poems and Stories 2010-2017
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Behind the Couch"...musings on us
51 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
This is such a sad story, yet so true for so many people right now. I know this happened a while back, but we are all struggling financially right now. The only thing I feel qualified for is cooking and now it doesn't pay and I'm getting too old. So we opened our own business. WE get by, but that is why we are in an RV park. If God gives us lemons, make lemon custard pie. LOL.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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This is such a sad story, yet so true for so many people right now. I know this happened a while back, but we are all struggling financially right now. The only thing I feel qualified for is cooking and now it doesn't pay and I'm getting too old. So we opened our own business. WE get by, but that is why we are in an RV park. If God gives us lemons, make lemon custard pie. LOL.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Heidi; thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. My mother really wasn't prepared for anything - let alone feed and provide for three kids. (Maybe that's why I pushed so hard to my degrees.) I bet you guys are really happy living in your RV - a lot less stuff to clean!
~patty~
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Yes, the only issue is figuring out the toilet issue. These things need to come with a idiot's beginner manual. Oh, I corrected those issues in my story. Thanks for that.
hugs Heidi
Comment from doggymad
Thank you for sharing yet another very difficult passage in your childhood. You mother was left to cope with life and seems to have made a good job of it too despite the lack of education.
Forgive me if I don't review all your posts, I am behind to the tune of 74 reviews
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for sharing yet another very difficult passage in your childhood. You mother was left to cope with life and seems to have made a good job of it too despite the lack of education.
Forgive me if I don't review all your posts, I am behind to the tune of 74 reviews
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Freda; thank you so much for the warm review of this piece. Be thankful for the full inbox. It means you are doing great! Hope you have a wonderful weekend,
~patty~
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the 74 are reviews to do lol not received ha ha
hugs
Freda
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oh, darn!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
How tragic. Who is Billie? How old? Why were you behind the living room couch and not in bed? This is intriguing and raises lots of questions, but perhaps this is all you need to say.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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How tragic. Who is Billie? How old? Why were you behind the living room couch and not in bed? This is intriguing and raises lots of questions, but perhaps this is all you need to say.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Phyllis; Billie is my older sister; she was sixteen when all of this went down. I was almost nine. I think I was up because I, like my mother, couldn't sleep. Thank you for reading and reviewing,
~patty~
Comment from Sankey
Awww new friend. So sad. I know I relate to this. My Mum was not a smoker but Dad left us when I was 8. He had bashed her a time or two before he moved out. Thanks for sharing. Sad, but great story.If you like I could play with the photo and clear it up a bit for you. send me your e-mail to sankey48@yahoo.com.au or if you are on Face book let me know.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Awww new friend. So sad. I know I relate to this. My Mum was not a smoker but Dad left us when I was 8. He had bashed her a time or two before he moved out. Thanks for sharing. Sad, but great story.If you like I could play with the photo and clear it up a bit for you. send me your e-mail to sankey48@yahoo.com.au or if you are on Face book let me know.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Geoff; I have the original of this picture in a frame; this was a scan that I made into a digital file - I do appreciate your offer of help. (The original has the ever present cigarette in her left hand.)
Thank you for sharing with me - I think many of us on here had difficult childhoods - maybe that's why we write,
~patty~
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Yeah interesting thought..about why we write. Nearly ready to put another chapter of my biography up. Then have to have a shower and get ready for church. Something a bit different coming later today. Looking forward to getting this book finished and putting some of my poems and Songs up for review.
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I look forward to it, ~p~
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Party,
Well done my friend. I can imagine your mother sitting while she thought and worried. I had times like that. I know how it is. The plot is well thought out and I don't see slabs only an awkward spot
"How would she be able to do this on her own? Would the job at the Pancake House be enough to support all of them? "
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hello, Party,
Well done my friend. I can imagine your mother sitting while she thought and worried. I had times like that. I know how it is. The plot is well thought out and I don't see slabs only an awkward spot
"How would she be able to do this on her own? Would the job at the Pancake House be enough to support all of them? "
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Gypsy;
Thank you for the thoughtful review. I changed the last part to 'Would the job at the Pancake House be enough?' I think tht may clear up the clunkiness. (Just made up a word.)
I so appreciate your time and appreciate your kind words,
~patty~
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
'Behind the Couch'- Interesting title.
This is a GOOD READ!
Well-written story.
It grabs the reader's attention and HOLDS it.
Lovely artwork: The image shown supports the writing.
The author's notes are appreciated.- Thank you!
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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'Behind the Couch'- Interesting title.
This is a GOOD READ!
Well-written story.
It grabs the reader's attention and HOLDS it.
Lovely artwork: The image shown supports the writing.
The author's notes are appreciated.- Thank you!
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Nicole; I appreciate you stopping by to read and review this heartfelt piece. I so appreciate your warm feedback and words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from Heidi M
You did really well getting inside her head and helping us see what she was thinking and feeling.
What in the world were you doing behind the couch at three-thirty in the morning?
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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You did really well getting inside her head and helping us see what she was thinking and feeling.
What in the world were you doing behind the couch at three-thirty in the morning?
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Heidi; thank you so much for stopping by to read this one. I appreciate your warm words of encouragement. I think I was up and dove behind the couch when I heard her coming because, like her, I couldn't sleep.
~patty~
Comment from apky
You wrote it beautifully, Patty. In my opinion,
the lack of dialogue makes the story stronger,
gives it more concentrated impact.
Then adding little Patty there, silent like a helpless
angel whose wings had been clipped, wanting to
help all she can but unable to do more than cry.
For both of them.
I'm touched, my friend.
Did I wish you a fab weekend already?
Aki
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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You wrote it beautifully, Patty. In my opinion,
the lack of dialogue makes the story stronger,
gives it more concentrated impact.
Then adding little Patty there, silent like a helpless
angel whose wings had been clipped, wanting to
help all she can but unable to do more than cry.
For both of them.
I'm touched, my friend.
Did I wish you a fab weekend already?
Aki
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Aki; thank you SO much for this wonderful review for this work. I felt a great deal of relief in how it came out - I struggled to find the right words. I am thankful for your comment about the dialogue - I've gotten the comment a few times that I needed to include more dialogue to move a story along - it doesn't always work!
You have a great weekend, too.
Did I thank you for the shining stars?
~patty~
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Oh, She is between a rock and a hard place. It was difficult for women your mothers age. They were not raised with the thoughts of a career, they expected to be wives and mothers, not hold down a job. She was unprepared for what happened to
her. I can imagine her pain. Well done Patty. Nancy
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Oh, She is between a rock and a hard place. It was difficult for women your mothers age. They were not raised with the thoughts of a career, they expected to be wives and mothers, not hold down a job. She was unprepared for what happened to
her. I can imagine her pain. Well done Patty. Nancy
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi Nancy; thank you so much for your thoughtful review of this piece. My mom was indeed left in a bad place to be. I appreciate your comments,
~patty~
Comment from wondertwin
This is a well written continuation of your story (not 'story', but story.). The previous chapters you've provided set the stage for the 'dialog' here to be presented in the perfect manor...inner dialog totally counts :) Blessings, AmyJo
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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This is a well written continuation of your story (not 'story', but story.). The previous chapters you've provided set the stage for the 'dialog' here to be presented in the perfect manor...inner dialog totally counts :) Blessings, AmyJo
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hi AmyJo; thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your comment and kind words. I was worried about the lack of dialogue because I've been told I need to include more - I didn't see how I could put in any here. She thought she was in the room by herself!
~patty~
