Comment from Louise Michelle

Excellent

Hi Steve,
I think it works well. When I read a poem, I make every effort to read it twice if the meter throws me. Most times, the format works well, especially if you read it aloud. This is a terrific Halloween poem, although it's not classified as such.
Hugs,
Lou

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Lou.

Halloween is not really a kiwi tradition, although it is sneaking into our culture a little on the back of retailers' efforts to promote it.

Steve

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

Steve, this Traditional Poetry #2 contest entry is masterfully done with Edgar A. Poe-like meter. The ings are reminiscent of rapping tapping at my cellar door. You have reworked this into your own impressive dark write. Grey man is a creative way to name him. Well done. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, GracieAnn - I am so glad you enjoyed my spooky piece.

Steve

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

A well written poem, the rhythm is very good, written in abcb. I could feel the fury of the sea, and I enjoyed reading it. It has 8 syllables on every line, to me it is done very well.

I wish you the best in the contest.

Mary

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Mary - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from livelylinda

Excellent

Steve: I think this poem is six star worthy but I am out. It reminds me of the "Raven", by Edgar Allen Poe. I especially liked the repeating words at the end of two of the stanzas. I think it all works and it gave me the shivers. Very nice work. livelylinda

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Linda

yes, a bit of a nod to the master - I did have crows to start with but ended up with ravens!

Steve

Comment from rosehill (Wendy)

Exceptional

When I saw you had a photo of a lone tree on center, I don't even need to read the piece, I figured you had another winner. But I'm so glad I did. What a beauty you have penned here. It pounded the ear, eye, and tongue as harshly and as magnificently as a raging storm; the perfect setting for the form and the word choices are delicious. I really liked the repeat in stanza one. (Splashing would have been a bit tame) as it drives the poem with the rolling gait of the storm surge and adds even more foreboding. I love this. Who am I kidding, you are my favorite poet here. - Wendy

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Ooh! Now I'm blushing, blushing.

Steve

Comment from mikemagine

Excellent

WHEW! What a poem/storm!! So very well-worded, dramatic, and visual. This would go very nicely with something intense by Wagner, Mozart, or Beethoven.

I wish I had a sixer for you!

Mike

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Mike, thanks for the kind words and the virtual six. I hadn't considered music, but I can picture this as the start of a creepy movie so a soundtrack would certainly be required.

Steve

reply by mikemagine on 16-Oct-2014

Sure thing, Steve. Yes, I agree with your opinion about this story.

Peace,

Mike

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

It sounds perfect to me..there is drama in the reading...you know on Charlie Brown and the teacher says waaah waaah wa wa that's what I hear with trochee and trochaic..and trochaiccatalexia .....all I do is love what I read
God bless

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Jenny.

Seinfeld's version is yada, yada, yada...

No need to understand the mumbo-jumbo really - maybe I was just having a dig at those who took what I thought was the easier route.

Steve

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

I never found anything wrong with this poem. It keeps suspense moving to the last line. Interesting piece. I could fell the waves. Best of luck in the contest. Shalom.

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Ben.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Yipes, Steve. I like your poem. The foreboding. You portray the darkness most ominously.
And I like the wave-tip-spear-points.

But your notes scare me even more. Are those real words, or are you just messing with me?

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

I dunno - some stuff they were mumbling about in the conditions.

Thanks for stopping by.

Steve

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

Beware of the darkness and what lurks within.
A well written poem which captures the foreboding of an unknowing victim trapped by the darkness and what lies within.
I like the constant trochaic lines as it feels perfect for this poem. It seems to fit the mood of sombre darkness.
Good luck in the contest.
:-) Shirley

 Comment Written 14-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thanks, Shirley - so glad you enjoyed my slightly spooky tale.

Steve