The Drumbeat of Life
A Tambour39 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
I really enjoyed the internal rhyming, approximate rhyming, and the drum-beat, snappy tempo of your tambour, Steve. I also enjoyed the topic, as you personified the seasons, alluding that our lives follow much the same sequences as they do.
Perfect execution and composition for a poem of this type.
Very well done, and...follow the drum--follow the drum...
~Dean
"Feelfortume fortune earned by a smile returned..." Feel "fortune" returned...
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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I really enjoyed the internal rhyming, approximate rhyming, and the drum-beat, snappy tempo of your tambour, Steve. I also enjoyed the topic, as you personified the seasons, alluding that our lives follow much the same sequences as they do.
Perfect execution and composition for a poem of this type.
Very well done, and...follow the drum--follow the drum...
~Dean
"Feel
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Dean, for the kind words and encouraging review - and the sharp eye for a typo!
A challenging form - I struggled with the changing rhythms, so it's good to know it felt OK.
Steve
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It was my pleasure, Steve, as always.;D
Comment from Patti R.
Wow. I just went and read the contest rules. I didn't know what a Tambour poem was - kudos to you kiwisteve for taking on this challenge!
After first read I wondered how this would be received as it doesn't appear to seem to fit with the Parade theme. But then it came to me. The parade is Life. The parade of the four seasons not only in nature but within each human. We march forward experiencing all that life puts forth, aging relentlessly, but always coming back to our own drumbeat, our own rhythm.
I hope I'm close in my interpretation! Above that your rhyme is very, very good. Good luck in this contest.
Patti
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Wow. I just went and read the contest rules. I didn't know what a Tambour poem was - kudos to you kiwisteve for taking on this challenge!
After first read I wondered how this would be received as it doesn't appear to seem to fit with the Parade theme. But then it came to me. The parade is Life. The parade of the four seasons not only in nature but within each human. We march forward experiencing all that life puts forth, aging relentlessly, but always coming back to our own drumbeat, our own rhythm.
I hope I'm close in my interpretation! Above that your rhyme is very, very good. Good luck in this contest.
Patti
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Patti, thanks for the thoughtful review.
I should have put more notes, because it is an unusual form - I hope most reviewers follow your example and read the contest directions.
Yes, you are spot on with your interpretation - I was looking for a slightly different approach and was pleased to come up with this idea which developed as the poem was written.
Steve
Comment from AAud
I definitely felt the drum cadence in this exquisite poem.
I also liked the different repeating words for each "season" or phase of life: "let's dance, let's dance"; "Build, build"; "To the floor, to the floor"; "Listen! Listen!"
What a wonderful message and colorful description of how we all follow that steady drumbeat through life.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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I definitely felt the drum cadence in this exquisite poem.
I also liked the different repeating words for each "season" or phase of life: "let's dance, let's dance"; "Build, build"; "To the floor, to the floor"; "Listen! Listen!"
What a wonderful message and colorful description of how we all follow that steady drumbeat through life.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Hi, welcome to fanStory and thanks for the great review.
I look forward to reading some of your stuff.
Steve
Comment from J Patience
My scalp tingled when I finished reading this. The seasons for sections of a person's life makes a great metaphor. The drum's involvement in those parts of life also does a great job of symbolizing the perspective of life as one grows. The drum is an old and traditionally earthy connection to the lives of the first people, tribes, community. It's a good symbol. Great job on this!
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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My scalp tingled when I finished reading this. The seasons for sections of a person's life makes a great metaphor. The drum's involvement in those parts of life also does a great job of symbolizing the perspective of life as one grows. The drum is an old and traditionally earthy connection to the lives of the first people, tribes, community. It's a good symbol. Great job on this!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thank you. I started with the idea of drum beat and the stages of life, but the seasons muscled their way in as well.
Steve
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a great tambour poem and I can just hear read aloud to beating of the drum. Good luck to you in the contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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This is a great tambour poem and I can just hear read aloud to beating of the drum. Good luck to you in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Teresa.
Steve
Comment from kittykatnoel
Well written. Very good job with rhythm, the beat is definite. Perhaps instead of "to a youngster's craving", that just "to young craving", would give the idea that you want, but would eliminate an extra syllable. I really like the internal and end rhyme. Thank you for sharing your writing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Well written. Very good job with rhythm, the beat is definite. Perhaps instead of "to a youngster's craving", that just "to young craving", would give the idea that you want, but would eliminate an extra syllable. I really like the internal and end rhyme. Thank you for sharing your writing.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the kind words and the suggestion for editing - I rushed this a little and definitely need to go back to it with a red pen in hand.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of rhyming couplets
good internal rhyme in spring/cling and in fray/day
good alliteration in feel fortune and in summer sun - good assonance there too
effective refrain line
more good internal rhyme and alliteration throughout
vivid detail with strong sensory appeal
Brooke
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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solid use of rhyming couplets
good internal rhyme in spring/cling and in fray/day
good alliteration in feel fortune and in summer sun - good assonance there too
effective refrain line
more good internal rhyme and alliteration throughout
vivid detail with strong sensory appeal
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Brooke. I appreciate your comments as always.
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
A six just doesn't seem enough. This was beautifully written. Seems like it could be put to a drum beat. Rhyme and flow are good. Subject flows
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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A six just doesn't seem enough. This was beautifully written. Seems like it could be put to a drum beat. Rhyme and flow are good. Subject flows
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Barb, thanks for the kind words and the six glowing stars. yes, the whole idea was to mimic a drum beat, so I am glad you found that.
Steve
Comment from tbacha58
Hi Kwi WOW, this is such an amazing poem, the rhyming gives your poem an amazing sound to the reader.
Your phrases are so well written, a real writer you are. The picture describes your poem so well.
Beautiful. Hugs Terry xoxo Good luck for your contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Hi Kwi WOW, this is such an amazing poem, the rhyming gives your poem an amazing sound to the reader.
Your phrases are so well written, a real writer you are. The picture describes your poem so well.
Beautiful. Hugs Terry xoxo Good luck for your contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2014
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Thanks, terry - so glad you enjoyed this piece.
Steve
