Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Fragrance of First Night"A book of Poetry & Writing
117 total reviews
Comment from Tina McKala
this was a nice, romantic poem, but for my taste you used a word "love" way too many times. it's a poem, it should show a beauty of a language (at least I ddin't have a feeling you're going for something experimental with this piece) - consider rewording this poem, avoid using the word 'love' and come up with original images and descriptions. I loved the ambiance you created here, the beginning of the poem was super, only then the repetition spoiled it a little.
also I was once told to avoid a word 'soul' that it's a cliche.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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this was a nice, romantic poem, but for my taste you used a word "love" way too many times. it's a poem, it should show a beauty of a language (at least I ddin't have a feeling you're going for something experimental with this piece) - consider rewording this poem, avoid using the word 'love' and come up with original images and descriptions. I loved the ambiance you created here, the beginning of the poem was super, only then the repetition spoiled it a little.
also I was once told to avoid a word 'soul' that it's a cliche.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from RGstar
A lovely write, my friend...some of your commas need adjusting yet I would not destroy this lovey work for the want of bagatelle.
Good luck with the contest.
Best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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A lovely write, my friend...some of your commas need adjusting yet I would not destroy this lovey work for the want of bagatelle.
Good luck with the contest.
Best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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thank you
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, deepwater, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about the memories of the fist night of love with the one that you love, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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this is very well written, deepwater, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about the memories of the fist night of love with the one that you love, I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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thank you for this
Comment from PhysioRuss
No difficulties with seeing how this has become an 'All Time Best'. Lovely imagery along with thought and emotion provoking words underneath a beautiful picture. What is there not to enjoy about this, well done.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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No difficulties with seeing how this has become an 'All Time Best'. Lovely imagery along with thought and emotion provoking words underneath a beautiful picture. What is there not to enjoy about this, well done.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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thank you for this
Comment from tfawcus
I particularly liked the line 'Our bodies charged from endless tease, this first night love with you' and found the whole poem fresh and mildly erotic. You need an apostrophe in 'lusts (lust's) first love' and I would perhaps consider the repetition of 'first love' three times in the poem, twice in two lines. In all other respects I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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I particularly liked the line 'Our bodies charged from endless tease, this first night love with you' and found the whole poem fresh and mildly erotic. You need an apostrophe in 'lusts (lust's) first love' and I would perhaps consider the repetition of 'first love' three times in the poem, twice in two lines. In all other respects I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Lulube
I really like this poem, it's very sensuously romantic. Good imagery and then I get confused again over this Free Verse style. I thought that there was no rhyming in free verse? some members tell me no, some say yes.\
good luck in the contest.
lulube
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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I really like this poem, it's very sensuously romantic. Good imagery and then I get confused again over this Free Verse style. I thought that there was no rhyming in free verse? some members tell me no, some say yes.\
good luck in the contest.
lulube
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
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welcome\
lulube
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was beautiful. What a lovely free verse poem, it is so sweetly romantic, just as a first night of love should be. Good luck in the contest, it really is a wonderful entry. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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That was beautiful. What a lovely free verse poem, it is so sweetly romantic, just as a first night of love should be. Good luck in the contest, it really is a wonderful entry. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you for reading
Comment from Tadie
To tell you the truth I got deeply taken away by poem .I was carried away by the pretty flower and I could feel the fragrance in my heart
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reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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To tell you the truth I got deeply taken away by poem .I was carried away by the pretty flower and I could feel the fragrance in my heart
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thanks
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Sorry I entered the wrong rating I meant 5 stars
Comment from Matoshka
How tender and gentle this night of love is. To languish in the moment of remembering brings this night of love alive each time it is remembered. So very romantic. Excellent presentation and vivid thoughts. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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How tender and gentle this night of love is. To languish in the moment of remembering brings this night of love alive each time it is remembered. So very romantic. Excellent presentation and vivid thoughts. Blessings and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you for this
Gary
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so very welcome, Gary, my pleasure. Blessings
Comment from JeffreyVPerry
A very warm and sensitive view of a first love encounter that reminds me so much of my younger years and any meeting with a special woman that first time, although yours speaks of maybe a true wedding night. The first you always remember whether good or bad, whether right or wrong, and whether memorable or one you wish to forget. But you capture the essence of those experiences here.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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A very warm and sensitive view of a first love encounter that reminds me so much of my younger years and any meeting with a special woman that first time, although yours speaks of maybe a true wedding night. The first you always remember whether good or bad, whether right or wrong, and whether memorable or one you wish to forget. But you capture the essence of those experiences here.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2014
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Thank you
