Destination: Hope
The Last Train Back61 total reviews
Comment from Alan K Pease
You are fastidious in mentioning the sequence of emotions in your declaration of feelings outlined by the words you chose (bold face) to describe your adventures. Surrounding is the information that brought them to mind. A load of metaphor.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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You are fastidious in mentioning the sequence of emotions in your declaration of feelings outlined by the words you chose (bold face) to describe your adventures. Surrounding is the information that brought them to mind. A load of metaphor.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Alan. I really appreciate the great review!
David
Comment from Dean Kuch
What an uplifting epic piece this is, Marillion. A journey along the railways of life, you take us on stops within it's unsure, yet all too plainly, routed stations, and we come to the destination you laid out for us? that of hope? and we find ourselves far better off for having taken the ride.
Bravo, and well done!
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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What an uplifting epic piece this is, Marillion. A journey along the railways of life, you take us on stops within it's unsure, yet all too plainly, routed stations, and we come to the destination you laid out for us? that of hope? and we find ourselves far better off for having taken the ride.
Bravo, and well done!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Dean, for the six and for your kind words. I truly appreciate what you've said, and it validates my feelings about this poem.
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You're very welcome, Marillion. It was a wonderful piece.
Comment from michaelcahill
A nervy undertaking here, my friend. This would have to be almost perfect to not sound trite. Damn, even one line that was a little corny would sink this, I think. But, somehow despite the length of this, you did it. This is an amazing piece of work. Everything works perfectly and my neck is sore from nodding "yes" from begging to end. There is so much sense both common and uncommon that is something to read over and over. Great work. I could blather on and on. But, great work is the bottom line. mikey
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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A nervy undertaking here, my friend. This would have to be almost perfect to not sound trite. Damn, even one line that was a little corny would sink this, I think. But, somehow despite the length of this, you did it. This is an amazing piece of work. Everything works perfectly and my neck is sore from nodding "yes" from begging to end. There is so much sense both common and uncommon that is something to read over and over. Great work. I could blather on and on. But, great work is the bottom line. mikey
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Mikey! I thought it could easily come across as trite or even bombast, but it means a lot that it worked for you, even to the point of a sixer. Much appreciation!
David
Comment from Tatarka2
Amazing. You have told an age-old story in such a unique and powerful way. The imagery here is compelling. I especially liked how you wove the lines around each of the various emotions ("hope," "bitterness," "peace," "acceptance," etc.) This seems like a deeply personal story that many people will relate to. The metaphor of a train reaching a station is especially compelling, and hopeful, I think.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Amazing. You have told an age-old story in such a unique and powerful way. The imagery here is compelling. I especially liked how you wove the lines around each of the various emotions ("hope," "bitterness," "peace," "acceptance," etc.) This seems like a deeply personal story that many people will relate to. The metaphor of a train reaching a station is especially compelling, and hopeful, I think.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Tatarka, for that six, and for your kind and intuitive comments. I really appreciate it.
Comment from livelylinda
David: WOW! It was awfully long but the continued play on words was breathtaking. I have taken a couple of train journeys across country that weren't nearly as exciting. . .oh, wait, there was one. . .Glad to know you have returned, filled with hope of finding THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. livelylinda
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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David: WOW! It was awfully long but the continued play on words was breathtaking. I have taken a couple of train journeys across country that weren't nearly as exciting. . .oh, wait, there was one. . .Glad to know you have returned, filled with hope of finding THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. livelylinda
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Linda! Thank you so much for that sixer, and for your wonderful comments. I really appreciate it. So...you had a seriously wonderful train ride, I take it? :) David
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Unusual morality allegory of sorts in poetic format. I guess the theme is 'the journey of life.' I especially like the line:
The platform shook with sheer elation as the train approached the end,
and also the last line. I am wondering if you ever give this to people who have lost a loved one.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Unusual morality allegory of sorts in poetic format. I guess the theme is 'the journey of life.' I especially like the line:
The platform shook with sheer elation as the train approached the end,
and also the last line. I am wondering if you ever give this to people who have lost a loved one.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hi Crystie! Thanks very much. It's really more about the journey back from loss and/or depression, but the journey of life is definitely part of it all. I do share these with people, and that's when I feel the best about it all. I appreciate it!
David
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Ah, I see the possibilities now with your reply. Have a great day.
Crystie
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Same to you, my friend, and thank you again.
Comment from rouskin
Great journey from loneliness to hope My favorite lines:
You floundered yesterday in sorrow, as a lonesome misanthrope,
But, through Acceptance, know tomorrow reunites your heart with Hope."
Very enjoyable read with powerful ending
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Great journey from loneliness to hope My favorite lines:
You floundered yesterday in sorrow, as a lonesome misanthrope,
But, through Acceptance, know tomorrow reunites your heart with Hope."
Very enjoyable read with powerful ending
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, rouskin, for the great review.
Comment from Just2Write
great use of metaphor in this excellent poetic.
The town of Hope, British Columbia lays east of my home town. Approaching from the west, it is the point where the terrain changes from the coast range and opens up to the arid world on the lee side of the mountains.
Approaching it from the east - it is the gateway to the coast and the great Pacific ocean -
The picture you chose looks much like the rugged area of Hope. (It is the place where the first Rocky movie was filmed)
Your poem is like a pilgrimage to Hope - I like how you take us through the wayside stations that one much visit if they are to appreciate where they are and where they plan to go. Nice that you return rejuvenated.
Great in-line rhyming and end rhyming in that rhythm that is so identifiably you.
In wondered why misfortune was not in bold font as the name one of one of the cities you encountered
"My boy, we face [M]isfortune blindly, but solutions lie within."
great write, m'dear. I sense this is an old poem of yours - am I right?
Rose
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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great use of metaphor in this excellent poetic.
The town of Hope, British Columbia lays east of my home town. Approaching from the west, it is the point where the terrain changes from the coast range and opens up to the arid world on the lee side of the mountains.
Approaching it from the east - it is the gateway to the coast and the great Pacific ocean -
The picture you chose looks much like the rugged area of Hope. (It is the place where the first Rocky movie was filmed)
Your poem is like a pilgrimage to Hope - I like how you take us through the wayside stations that one much visit if they are to appreciate where they are and where they plan to go. Nice that you return rejuvenated.
Great in-line rhyming and end rhyming in that rhythm that is so identifiably you.
In wondered why misfortune was not in bold font as the name one of one of the cities you encountered
"My boy, we face [M]isfortune blindly, but solutions lie within."
great write, m'dear. I sense this is an old poem of yours - am I right?
Rose
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Rose, for that great review, and for the second reference to a real town called Hope. You know, I should add Misfortune to the bolded list, as it would fit the conceit. Thank you for that!
This was a fragment that I more or less pulled apart and retrenched.
David
Comment from rama devi
Excellent extended metaphor of a journey from loneliness to hope. Lots of great rhyming, of course, and well timed, too, as usual from you. Lots of fine alliteration and other poetic devices. Good enjambement and flow--sounds good read aloud. Great storytelling narrative style.
These lines are awesome and awfully inventive:
And passed disjointed homes in Madness, on a twister-wasted plain.
"This pit personifies Dispirit, " growled the grizzled Engineer,
"And my perceptive soul can hear it, howling expletives in Fear."
and this is fluidly phrased:
And closed my eyes to miss Resistance till the sight of Doubt was gone.
and this is simply outstanding:
Ejecting hobos in Indictment, and a charlatan in Dread.
Insightful:
For only growing souls are going to the town of Hope today."
Nice tone and tenor, content and rhyme (especially liked the internal rhyme of scarred and regard):
He laid his hand upon my shoulder, with a fatherly regard,
And said, "When scarred and slightly older, you accept that love is hard.
You floundered yesterday in sorrow, as a lonesome misanthrope,
But, through Acceptance, know tomorrow reunites your heart with Hope."
Awesome phrasing:
Without defeatist undermining, or asphyxiating grief?
Superb alliteration on A:
Acerbic feelings, which I'd courted, were absorbed when night arrived,
great internal slant rhyme of courted and re-boarded,
Great phrasing: celebrating city
My only suggestion is to not use BOLD font for those words but maybe italics. The bold is distracting. Even italics are not needed, IMHO--as the cap serves to show the intent. Matter of taste and style, of course, but I felt to mention it.
Bravo or a richly reflective write.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Excellent extended metaphor of a journey from loneliness to hope. Lots of great rhyming, of course, and well timed, too, as usual from you. Lots of fine alliteration and other poetic devices. Good enjambement and flow--sounds good read aloud. Great storytelling narrative style.
These lines are awesome and awfully inventive:
And passed disjointed homes in Madness, on a twister-wasted plain.
"This pit personifies Dispirit, " growled the grizzled Engineer,
"And my perceptive soul can hear it, howling expletives in Fear."
and this is fluidly phrased:
And closed my eyes to miss Resistance till the sight of Doubt was gone.
and this is simply outstanding:
Ejecting hobos in Indictment, and a charlatan in Dread.
Insightful:
For only growing souls are going to the town of Hope today."
Nice tone and tenor, content and rhyme (especially liked the internal rhyme of scarred and regard):
He laid his hand upon my shoulder, with a fatherly regard,
And said, "When scarred and slightly older, you accept that love is hard.
You floundered yesterday in sorrow, as a lonesome misanthrope,
But, through Acceptance, know tomorrow reunites your heart with Hope."
Awesome phrasing:
Without defeatist undermining, or asphyxiating grief?
Superb alliteration on A:
Acerbic feelings, which I'd courted, were absorbed when night arrived,
great internal slant rhyme of courted and re-boarded,
Great phrasing: celebrating city
My only suggestion is to not use BOLD font for those words but maybe italics. The bold is distracting. Even italics are not needed, IMHO--as the cap serves to show the intent. Matter of taste and style, of course, but I felt to mention it.
Bravo or a richly reflective write.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Rama, for the detailed review. As always, it helps to know what stands out so I can HOPEfully recreate it. ;-)
I went back and forth on the bold/italics part, and I'm still vacillating. I may end up changing it.
Thank you so much, my friend.
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:-)))
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. I am so glad it ened well...thanks for the evening poem.
Embracing Hope, with heart abounding, and a treasure fully earned,
I heard my stronger voice resounding with the words, ?I have returned! "
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hello. I am so glad it ened well...thanks for the evening poem.
Embracing Hope, with heart abounding, and a treasure fully earned,
I heard my stronger voice resounding with the words, ?I have returned! "
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, pad, for this great review! I appreciate it.
