Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "It Can't Be!"A book of a mixture of stories
61 total reviews
Comment from Sandollar
The read was definitely worth it. It was a little lengthy but I didn't mind once I got into the story, and get into it I did. I definitely sympathized with Will. He had a lot to deal with all at once. What a shock.
You kept the pace fast and your descriptions made sure no one got bored. Your plot was well thought out and everything progressed logically. This does seem as if it wants to be longer. Any chance of a part two?
I've only one question: Did he ever go back for that trunk?
Best of luck in the contest.
I found no errors.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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The read was definitely worth it. It was a little lengthy but I didn't mind once I got into the story, and get into it I did. I definitely sympathized with Will. He had a lot to deal with all at once. What a shock.
You kept the pace fast and your descriptions made sure no one got bored. Your plot was well thought out and everything progressed logically. This does seem as if it wants to be longer. Any chance of a part two?
I've only one question: Did he ever go back for that trunk?
Best of luck in the contest.
I found no errors.
Sandollar
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Sandollar,
Thank you for the wonderful review. Yes, I believe he built a new home there and lived happily ever after...Sounds good anyhow!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Trybuck
No leprachan, No dead man walking, no dead girl in a pool, so what? We do have a great story of lost love, new love kindled, the pain of losing both parents at once, and the shock of finding out you weren't who you thought you were. I believe this is one of the best that I've read from you.
Very well done, Buck
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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No leprachan, No dead man walking, no dead girl in a pool, so what? We do have a great story of lost love, new love kindled, the pain of losing both parents at once, and the shock of finding out you weren't who you thought you were. I believe this is one of the best that I've read from you.
Very well done, Buck
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2010
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Buck,
I am thrilled you enjoyed this story. I, too, felt like it was a story that sucked me as the writer into it as well, I wanted the characters to come alive. Thank you again for reading and enjoying and for the generous comments and stars...You're the best! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ann Smith
If I had six stars I would give them to you. I so loved the twists and turns that this story took. I know sometimes stories do have a life of their own. The details and the voice of each character was so clear. I love the ending and how he found his mother. It was sad about his adoptive parents being killed,though. I hope that he will marry Kate, she seems like a nice girl. I'm wondering what will happen next? ann
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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If I had six stars I would give them to you. I so loved the twists and turns that this story took. I know sometimes stories do have a life of their own. The details and the voice of each character was so clear. I love the ending and how he found his mother. It was sad about his adoptive parents being killed,though. I hope that he will marry Kate, she seems like a nice girl. I'm wondering what will happen next? ann
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Ann. Thanks so much for the generous review and I gladly accept your virtual sixes...I am thrilled you enjoyed the story. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Thesis
Carol, what a great story. I loved it. The way you described Kate, the electricity he felt when she touched him, the unexplained feeling of having to go back to the house, all of it. It was really a win-win story - he found his mom, a potential wife - did I say I liked it? - John
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Carol, what a great story. I loved it. The way you described Kate, the electricity he felt when she touched him, the unexplained feeling of having to go back to the house, all of it. It was really a win-win story - he found his mom, a potential wife - did I say I liked it? - John
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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John,
thank you so much for the wonderful review. This story just started unraveling inside me...It wasn't exactly the one I planned but I'm thrilled with how it turned out. Thank you so much...smiles, Carol
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
What a lovely outcome for what started out on a rather sad note.
You really made the past life of that old house come to life.
The story unfolded naturally, through believable characters and appropriate dialogue.
Best wishes for the contest- I think this is a good entry.
Juliette
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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What a lovely outcome for what started out on a rather sad note.
You really made the past life of that old house come to life.
The story unfolded naturally, through believable characters and appropriate dialogue.
Best wishes for the contest- I think this is a good entry.
Juliette
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Juliette,
Thank you so much for the kind review. I truly appreciate it and your generous comments. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh definately worth the read. I was adopted and have always known that my mother wanted to keep in touch, but my adoptive parents didn't allow her to. I always wondered what happened to her. Great story, well worth the six stars. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Oh definately worth the read. I was adopted and have always known that my mother wanted to keep in touch, but my adoptive parents didn't allow her to. I always wondered what happened to her. Great story, well worth the six stars. Well done.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Joy,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review and the awesome blessing of stars. I am so glad that you enjoyed the story...My heart really got wrapped up in it. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Sasha
This is a lovely, deeply touching, and yet inspiring story. I enjoyed this very much. It is a wonderful entry for the contest and I sincerely wish you all the best. Very nice work with this one.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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This is a lovely, deeply touching, and yet inspiring story. I enjoyed this very much. It is a wonderful entry for the contest and I sincerely wish you all the best. Very nice work with this one.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Sasha,
Glad you liked the story. I appreciate the kind comments. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from Southern Writer
I always enjoy your writing. This story is outstanding. I don't know what else to say. I have no suggestions to make it better.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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I always enjoy your writing. This story is outstanding. I don't know what else to say. I have no suggestions to make it better.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Southern Writer,
Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I really appreciate it very much. I'm thrilled you loved it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
Frome the point where Will left the store, you have a mix up with the checker players. This is ver good read. Enjoyed it. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Frome the point where Will left the store, you have a mix up with the checker players. This is ver good read. Enjoyed it. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Charlie,
Thanks for reading the LONG story....I really try not to do that, but this one couldn't be helped. Smiles to you, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from highlander104
An excellent story for the contest. You have invented a nice historical dialogue that keeps the story moving with all questions answered. Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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An excellent story for the contest. You have invented a nice historical dialogue that keeps the story moving with all questions answered. Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2010
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Jean,
Thank you so much for the kind review and generous comments. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
