Comment from Mariea

Excellent

Good morning Barbara. Another good paced chapter. Characters and dialogue are still consistent.

Para starting 'I like being' Perhaps a comma after besides - I needed to read it a second time, maybe alzheimers is setting in.

Have a great day
Regards Mia

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for your review. I appreciate you kind words and I will take another look.

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

Interesting chapter. Steven seems to like Leya enough to make a sacrifice for her. I wonder, however, if he can keep Leya a virgin, ha-ha... But it is for you to decide, and is actually the 'bait' for us to keep reading! Good work, Barbara.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you. I think my reviewers votes are 0 Leya remains a virgin 25 she does not. We'll see.

Comment from Arkine

Excellent

~LOL~ Oh, this is not going to go well. In fact, I think it's going to go bad very quickly. For one, Carlos is probably going to be very pissed off. He'll also know if the marriage isn't consumated then it isn't really legit. I don't think he's thought this out well enough, though it is a quick an easy solution, if everything goes as planned.

Nice Chapter!

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Wait and see. There are definitely going to be problems. Thank you for the review.

Comment from FredCollingwood

Excellent

I really enjoy your writing and in particular, this story. Here are a few things you might look at:

When Leya's brother (kidnaped) Matt & Dani's infant > kidnapped

we could let Leya marry Carlos and stay out of other (peoples) business > people's

When Matt came to bed last night, I was nursing Emily() and he mentioned Leya's problem. > Per our discussion, "he mentioned Leyla's problem" is an independent clause, so a comma is required before the conjunction that separates them.

Any man temporarily marries Leya() and as soon as she doesn't need to be married, they get an annulment > Another independent clause. Add comma.

All someone needs to do is marry that woman() and she won't have to marry Carlos? > Comma

If you ever have questions on punctuation, Oldvet and Chaswriter are the best. They're constantly correcting me. I'm sure they would be willing to assist.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Not a problem. I will make the corrections. Thank you. I just always been taught if it has the same subject don't use a comma, and when in doubt leave it out. I hate comma's.

reply by FredCollingwood on 13-Sep-2009

Grammar and punctuation are convoluted no matter how you look at it. It's a wonder anyone can figure it you. You write so well--so enjoyable to read.

reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you.

Comment from darkgreennights

Excellent

OH YEAH! Ok this is SUCH fun, he's going to pretend marry Leya, and then she will want a "pretend" wedding night lol and then...I love it, great plot twist Barb!!!! two thumbs wayyyyy up!
love
K

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.

reply by darkgreennights on 13-Sep-2009

lol I appreciate your continued writing

Comment from sgalletti

Excellent

Ah ha! You left me hanging again. What is her alternative plan? Will their be a consummation? Like the new characters - Steven, Carlos and Leya. Can't wait to read more....Sue

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for your review.

Comment from Slush Pile

Excellent

An interesting storyline. I found one thing somewhat out of place:

As written: When Matt came to bed last night, I was nursing Emily and he mentioned Leya's problem.

Suggestion: When Matt came to bed last night, he mentioned Leya's problem. (I don't think it serves a purpose to say, I was nursing Emily.)

All Best, Slush Pile

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you, I will recheck that. I hadn't thought about it that way. I appreciate your comment.

Comment from RebelRose

Excellent

Good chapter. I have a sneaky suspicion that I know where this is going but I won't say ... will just wait to read more and see if I am right (or close anyway). Will be looking forward to more chapters.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support.

Comment from jadapenn

Excellent

This Dani is still at it. I love it! She so cutely corners Steven into marrying Leya - and is he going to be able to keep his big hands off her. Nah.
Well done, Barbara. Lovely chapter.
luv jada

stops Carlos from marr[y]ing her when the marriage is over?"

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for catching my typo. I'm on it. I can always count on you. I so appreciate you.

reply by jadapenn on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you - love you too. jada

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is a very well written chapter. If Steven can marry Leya, he can protect her from Carlos. I find it strange that they were drawing straws, Steven still lost. That sounds life Fate had a hand it this. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.

reply by c_lucas on 13-Sep-2009

You're welcome, Barbara. I have to confess Steven and Matt threatened me if I ever overlook one of your posting. (LOL)

reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009

I bet there's some one else that may threaten you, too. Of course then you miss out on Leya's seductions. I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss that. She is a hot little number.

reply by c_lucas on 13-Sep-2009

That hot little number would chill my heart in no time. (LOL)