Haunted Even At Deathbed!
67-Word General Fiction. Said! Haunted at deathbed!54 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Halting but beautiful in that halting faltering speech at the end of life.
O man, how right you're! ......use you are not you're...it doesn't work at the end of the sentence ...Whatever I give, take, speak or listen, it haunts me.
Well penned
God bless
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Halting but beautiful in that halting faltering speech at the end of life.
O man, how right you're! ......use you are not you're...it doesn't work at the end of the sentence ...Whatever I give, take, speak or listen, it haunts me.
Well penned
God bless
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
Comment from GinnieD
"it haunts me" should be "haunts me" In this situation "you're" should be the spelled out words "you" and "are". Doing this would also still keep this 67 words. You use the word "haunt," or a derivative of it (haunts) three times in 67 words. Perhaps change one or two of them to a synonym of "haunt" (A word that means the same). This would add more luster to the story. "Strange fear engulfs me oftentimes" would read better as "Oftentimes, strange fears engulf me". "Methinks, lifetime big punishments for little mistakes, I'm getting" would read better as "Methinks, I'm getting lifetime big punishments for little mistakes."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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"it haunts me" should be "haunts me" In this situation "you're" should be the spelled out words "you" and "are". Doing this would also still keep this 67 words. You use the word "haunt," or a derivative of it (haunts) three times in 67 words. Perhaps change one or two of them to a synonym of "haunt" (A word that means the same). This would add more luster to the story. "Strange fear engulfs me oftentimes" would read better as "Oftentimes, strange fears engulf me". "Methinks, lifetime big punishments for little mistakes, I'm getting" would read better as "Methinks, I'm getting lifetime big punishments for little mistakes."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
Comment from giraffmang
We all reap what we sow, yadda, yadda, yadda... and so on and so forth.
Leading a decent life just isn't enough these days - nothing but absolute fealty is the key
Unique phrasing.
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
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We all reap what we sow, yadda, yadda, yadda... and so on and so forth.
Leading a decent life just isn't enough these days - nothing but absolute fealty is the key
Unique phrasing.
GMG
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
Comment from DonandVicki
A short story , flash fiction that runs close to the way that a lot of people may feel in real time. some of the words resonated with me. Well written and good luck.
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A short story , flash fiction that runs close to the way that a lot of people may feel in real time. some of the words resonated with me. Well written and good luck.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
Comment from c_lucas
Punishment is usually come into being during our lifetime. Devine punishment comes on our Day of Judgement. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
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Punishment is usually come into being during our lifetime. Devine punishment comes on our Day of Judgement. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from trailblazer101
Some very good questions asked in this one and good timing for asking them. Hope youre not on your deathbed wondering if you were good enough. Theres a resurrection for both the righteous and righteous to come. Never hurts to make changes just like you have in your write.
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Some very good questions asked in this one and good timing for asking them. Hope youre not on your deathbed wondering if you were good enough. Theres a resurrection for both the righteous and righteous to come. Never hurts to make changes just like you have in your write.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very intriguing write that points out the things that we do in our lives do follow us everywhere...even to our deathbed and, of course, beyond...which makes it so haunting. Thank you for sharing. :)
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A very intriguing write that points out the things that we do in our lives do follow us everywhere...even to our deathbed and, of course, beyond...which makes it so haunting. Thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi if someone looks at this write very closely, then there seems to be a terrible fear for sins committed. But life is not like that. Life is beautiful, your or my own making.
Danny Jock
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Hi if someone looks at this write very closely, then there seems to be a terrible fear for sins committed. But life is not like that. Life is beautiful, your or my own making.
Danny Jock
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A great finish with your 67 word flash fiction for someone who's haunted about death, but also everything in life.Your own writing style made for an interesting read,
cheers.
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A great finish with your 67 word flash fiction for someone who's haunted about death, but also everything in life.Your own writing style made for an interesting read,
cheers.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
Comment from tfawcus
Some would say that haunting are all in the mind - so your acronym HEAD is rather appropriate. It will be a relief if those things that we carry with us through life are all discarded and forgotten with death.
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Some would say that haunting are all in the mind - so your acronym HEAD is rather appropriate. It will be a relief if those things that we carry with us through life are all discarded and forgotten with death.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
