Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

Looks like another good story from you, my friend. I saw no errors and the story flowed smoothly. I will try to keep up with this one as best I can

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you, Douglas!! I know it's two books at a time, but the DDG is about to wrap up. I do appreciate your trying. Tell Badger boy hi for me! lol.

Take care, my friend,
Rhonda

Comment from MelB

Excellent

A great chapter, Rhonda! The car accident added suspense to it and whether he would wake up or not. I'm glad he got free from the restraint and got out of the car. Hopefully, he can find some help.

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you, Melissa. I'm afraid it wouldn't last long as a novel if he dies, or at least not quickly. lol. I'm not that mean to him. I can't promise he won't suffer some, though.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by MelB on 09-Nov-2016

I was going to say that too, if he died, it would be the end of the book before it started. LOL

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

Rhonda, I am hooked and so thrilled to be able to start at the beginning of this exciting intrigue. I am glad to know he is okay for now, but what lies ahead??? Ummm..jimi

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you, Jimi!! You encourage me. Unfortunately, for him, he has some strange days ahead, and with people who don't care that he's the President's son.

Thanks again, my friend. I'm so glad your in on this book!!

Rhonda

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

WHEN HE GOT HIM SELF CALMED DOWN HE GOT HIMSELF OUT OF THE PERDICAMENT HE WAS IN WITH HIS SEAT BELT. SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO LISTEN

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

You are so right, but concussions have a way of messing up your perspective. I know that all too well.
Thanks for the review,
Rhonda

reply by country ranch writer on 09-Nov-2016

always go slow and use caution

Comment from TheWriteTeach

Excellent

Rhonda,

Nice job with this chapter. I particularly enjoyed the chattering chipmunk and his brown nose. You 'showed' that part very well and it painted a vivid picture of this little guy checking out what this new thing was all about.

I noticed a typo -

{HIs} immediate concern was getting out of {hte} wreckage (His and the)

Looking forward to the next installment.

Suzanne

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you, Suzanne! I caught one of those typos, but not the other. Thanks so much. Hopefully this chapter worked better for you than the last one. I worked pretty hard on trying to avoid the other mistakes I made in the last one. Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by TheWriteTeach on 08-Nov-2016

This chapter was great. You worked hard on this and it shows. :o)

reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you so much. I really did spend a lot of time on it, and tried to keep in mind what you had told me.

Comment from royowen

Exceptional

I like the opening of your story Rhonda, I like the slight description of the characters coming up, I also enjoy the descriptive quality of this new stories, great first person description, getting inside their head, where to now? Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : getting out of (hte) wreckage. The?

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Thank you, Roy, for the wonderful rating, and for catching my error. I've been doing a rewrite and apparently missed one.
I appreciate all you do,
Rhonda

Comment from giraffmang

Good

Hi Rhonda,

You're going to hate this review! I think it needs a serious reworking to make it someway believable. I'm sure most will disagree with me though but here you go!

The car lunged and bucked like a living animal - I love this as an opening line. great imagery.

Archie groaned as the car rolled for the eighth time - maybe rethink the amount of rolls. he's driving a Ferrari and they aren't well known for their safety features - he'd be dead. They are also very low to the ground which provide a big drag effect, slowing the roll somewhat - just a thought.

Also following on from the above point, he would be in a lot worse shape. I would suggest two or three rolls maximum - it's not like the movies!

Archie braced himself against what was left of the steering wheel - if the steering wheel was broken, what broke it? Something needed to impact it which would probably have been Archie leaving him with some other wounds. Sorry to bang on about this but it is a bit of a stumbling block fore the mechanics of the car crash.

If the cutter was in the door it would have been long gone. It would be more believable if a window had shattered giving him access to broken glass to hack through the seatbelt.

Archie reached a hand up and felt his oozing scalp wound.- if he'd been bleeding all night, he'd not be capable of doing any of this. he'd most likely have lost so much blood he may well have died. If it wasn't that bad a wound, it would have scabbed over. The accident took place in the evening so we're talking all night, also he's hanging upside down so that's exactly where the blood would be heading.

All the best
G

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Okay, thanks. I'll try to fix it all and make it more believable. You're right on all counts! Your honesty is what helps me to improve!

Rhonda

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

I like the way that you leave the reader wanting more at the end of the chapter. Very suspenseful and I will be intrested to see which group he falls in with, illegals?

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Not illegals, exactly, but definitely recluses. Thank you for the wonderful review,
Rhonda

Comment from Mike Stevens

Excellent

Another fine chapter, Rhonda--let's hope Archie finds rescue at the adobe building, but something tells me he won't--that would make for a short-ass book, wouldn't it?

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Well, he will find help of sorts, but not what he hopes for...

Thanks for the review, and Happy Election Day!

reply by Mike Stevens on 08-Nov-2016

You bet, Rhonda!

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

A new story, how nice that I found it at the second chapter :)

My inner science fiction voice keeps telling me this would be a good time for the damaged car to put the computer voice into action to explain the car was going to go into cocoon mode to fix itself as well as the injured passenger. Oh, but I must remind my inner science fiction voice that this is Rhonda's story and it's not science fiction.

So then my inner non-fiction voices interjects and asks where is Archie's cell phone. He could call 911 even if the battery is low.

Looking forward to reading more of this story :)

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2016

Actually, it is Science Fiction, very much so... that part will soon rear its head!!

Thanks so much for the review,
Rhonda

reply by Joy Graham on 08-Nov-2016

Oooooh, sounds fascinating!