Family Poems and Stories 2010-2017
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "The Tribute"...musings on us
46 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
A lovely euology for your mother. It is so wonderful when we know that our mom's are with God and happy. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your mom. Good job.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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A lovely euology for your mother. It is so wonderful when we know that our mom's are with God and happy. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your mom. Good job.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review.
Comment from chita
You have great author notes and a good flow with your writing-you are descriptive and write with emotion--what a contest--very sad and somber your theme-and you summed it all up in one line--your Mother was a hero--great job.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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You have great author notes and a good flow with your writing-you are descriptive and write with emotion--what a contest--very sad and somber your theme-and you summed it all up in one line--your Mother was a hero--great job.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and your generous review.
Comment from Rachel Bailey
This is a great way to remember someone. To say that they are not here they are with God drinking wine. Preferably the best wine. Not only did you have your memories so did a lot of others. The best is to read all of the stories and things she left behind. It tells you more of who your mother was deep down. Great story.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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This is a great way to remember someone. To say that they are not here they are with God drinking wine. Preferably the best wine. Not only did you have your memories so did a lot of others. The best is to read all of the stories and things she left behind. It tells you more of who your mother was deep down. Great story.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
You did me in.
I was considering entering this contest, but having read your entry I have decided to decline. I am a worthy competitor and don't have misgivings about my abilities, but having read your eulogy, I simply can not compete.
There is a gentle innocence about the portrayal of this woman, you, that is neither deceiving in her importance to her family nor her clients. It is neither boastful nor remorseful about the life or sacrifices she has made.
Perhaps the greatest tribute is that both her, your daughter and son could rise in a final salute. The fact that your family fully understands that her time together was well spent and invested, just as her time with Christ will be in the moment, rather than nostalgia, makes me feel as if you lived well; with courage and conviction.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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You did me in.
I was considering entering this contest, but having read your entry I have decided to decline. I am a worthy competitor and don't have misgivings about my abilities, but having read your eulogy, I simply can not compete.
There is a gentle innocence about the portrayal of this woman, you, that is neither deceiving in her importance to her family nor her clients. It is neither boastful nor remorseful about the life or sacrifices she has made.
Perhaps the greatest tribute is that both her, your daughter and son could rise in a final salute. The fact that your family fully understands that her time together was well spent and invested, just as her time with Christ will be in the moment, rather than nostalgia, makes me feel as if you lived well; with courage and conviction.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review. It touches my heart.
Comment from livingwords
This is a beautiful tribute to your hero. I hope in strengthened your inner peace to write it. From a critics view, you may want to consider removing one of the "you see". The phrase 'she came to spend time...' could be written as 'she spent time...'. Also, it would be an easier read if you broke the 4th from the end paragraph in 2-3. God bless you, your family, and your mom. :)) Dan
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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This is a beautiful tribute to your hero. I hope in strengthened your inner peace to write it. From a critics view, you may want to consider removing one of the "you see". The phrase 'she came to spend time...' could be written as 'she spent time...'. Also, it would be an easier read if you broke the 4th from the end paragraph in 2-3. God bless you, your family, and your mom. :)) Dan
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review. I appreciate your comments and suggestions.
Comment from RKagan
This is a touching story of your life. It tells the reader who you are and why you have made the choices you have. I enjoyed it so much. And I send you blessings that you do not need to use it for at least a hundred years.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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This is a touching story of your life. It tells the reader who you are and why you have made the choices you have. I enjoyed it so much. And I send you blessings that you do not need to use it for at least a hundred years.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and for the generous review. I hope it doesn't become reality for quite some time myself : )
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
I loved all you wrote here. When I first saw this contest I thought,how ridiculous. However as I read what you wrote it shows me the woman you are and it took work getting there. I don't think I would want to write mine at all. Memoirs maybe but eulogy...no way.
Dave
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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I loved all you wrote here. When I first saw this contest I thought,how ridiculous. However as I read what you wrote it shows me the woman you are and it took work getting there. I don't think I would want to write mine at all. Memoirs maybe but eulogy...no way.
Dave
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review. This was a difficult and daunting task - but I'm glad most people seem to like it.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Friend ...
From a writing point of view, for the most part this makes for pleasant reading except that, for me personally, it is very sad.
There are just two small changes to recommend ...
* You have - wished she could reformat her brain ...
I suggest - could re-format her brain ....
* You have - would anyone like to say a particular memory ... I suggest - would anyone like to share a particular memory ....
As this is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Hullo Friend ...
From a writing point of view, for the most part this makes for pleasant reading except that, for me personally, it is very sad.
There are just two small changes to recommend ...
* You have - wished she could reformat her brain ...
I suggest - could re-format her brain ....
* You have - would anyone like to say a particular memory ... I suggest - would anyone like to share a particular memory ....
As this is a Contest entry, I wish you well.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and the generous review.
Comment from lola29
This was such a sweet and tender read. It gave me a sense I knowing that the mother was truly a kind and decent human being. Very well written.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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This was such a sweet and tender read. It gave me a sense I knowing that the mother was truly a kind and decent human being. Very well written.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and your generous review.
Comment from redrider6612
This was pretty good, though I don't get the point. I kept waiting for some startling revelation, probably because of all the mystery over who the young woman was. I assume most of the people attending the memorial know that she is the daughter of the deceased. The attempt to create drama by concealing her identity is weak. It would be better if her identity is clear and her resemblance to her mother mentioned briefly. Since it isn't that important to the story, don't spend too much time on it.
Some specific notes:
Though the voice of the woman had started out a bit shaky and full of emotion, she looked up from her notes and flashed a beautiful smile at the crowd in the room.--incomplete thought; also, "the woman" was confusing since she has already been introduced.
The woman began to explain this strange statement.--delete, this is telling
Don't end a paragraph of dialogue with a quotation mark if that person's dialogue continues in the next paragraph.
My attention wandered in the paragraph that begins "Many of you..." Consider trimming and condensing.
Overall, the story was good. I see a lot of potential in your writing and I hope you will keep working at it. Best wishes to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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This was pretty good, though I don't get the point. I kept waiting for some startling revelation, probably because of all the mystery over who the young woman was. I assume most of the people attending the memorial know that she is the daughter of the deceased. The attempt to create drama by concealing her identity is weak. It would be better if her identity is clear and her resemblance to her mother mentioned briefly. Since it isn't that important to the story, don't spend too much time on it.
Some specific notes:
Though the voice of the woman had started out a bit shaky and full of emotion, she looked up from her notes and flashed a beautiful smile at the crowd in the room.--incomplete thought; also, "the woman" was confusing since she has already been introduced.
The woman began to explain this strange statement.--delete, this is telling
Don't end a paragraph of dialogue with a quotation mark if that person's dialogue continues in the next paragraph.
My attention wandered in the paragraph that begins "Many of you..." Consider trimming and condensing.
Overall, the story was good. I see a lot of potential in your writing and I hope you will keep working at it. Best wishes to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.
