Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Chapter 7; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
I really enjoyed this chapter. I am so glad that Steven and Leya are showing their emotions a bit more...now don't be letting her die or anything from this yellow fever.
Bet Peggy was out of the States...maybe will get the yellow fever too. She's got to be the mole.
Great job!
Carol
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Barbara
I really enjoyed this chapter. I am so glad that Steven and Leya are showing their emotions a bit more...now don't be letting her die or anything from this yellow fever.
Bet Peggy was out of the States...maybe will get the yellow fever too. She's got to be the mole.
Great job!
Carol
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support. More information on Peggy will be forthcoming.
Comment from mjfande
An excellent continuation of the last post. I was kind of wondering what the doctor needed blood for. I am loving seeing the romance between Leya and Steven get stronger. It will make for that much better of a story when more conflict arises.
I enjoyed reading through this.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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An excellent continuation of the last post. I was kind of wondering what the doctor needed blood for. I am loving seeing the romance between Leya and Steven get stronger. It will make for that much better of a story when more conflict arises.
I enjoyed reading through this.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from HAWordsmith
This was a nice little interlude after the intrusion. I did not see any SPAG errors. Once again Well-written and well-edited. Thank you for this posting and keep writing. Many blessings.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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This was a nice little interlude after the intrusion. I did not see any SPAG errors. Once again Well-written and well-edited. Thank you for this posting and keep writing. Many blessings.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from robeth
Good chapter, although I would recommend painting the scene with the mother more. I get very little feel for her emotions during this scene, even when they know they will parted for what may be a long time. What does she look like? Are there tears when they say goodbye?
Overall a very smooth read. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Good chapter, although I would recommend painting the scene with the mother more. I get very little feel for her emotions during this scene, even when they know they will parted for what may be a long time. What does she look like? Are there tears when they say goodbye?
Overall a very smooth read. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I will relook the mother/daughter interaction. An editor once told me if it doesn't move the romance along, it doesn't belong, but you brought out a very valid point. There does need to be more interaction.
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya mother has visited her. I think she knows that Leya and Steven aren't living together. Leya has yellow fever, which is worse, then the flu. I hope she gets well soon.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Leya mother has visited her. I think she knows that Leya and Steven aren't living together. Leya has yellow fever, which is worse, then the flu. I hope she gets well soon.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Alaskastory
Part 4 for Chapter 7 has the story moving well along. The excitement is building.
I suggest an action word to replace 'decided' in this phrase: 'then decided to sleep' could be replace with 'nestled on the bed to sleep' or some such that shows her lay down.
The note Steven finds is a lovely touch. Nicely done! I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Part 4 for Chapter 7 has the story moving well along. The excitement is building.
I suggest an action word to replace 'decided' in this phrase: 'then decided to sleep' could be replace with 'nestled on the bed to sleep' or some such that shows her lay down.
The note Steven finds is a lovely touch. Nicely done! I look forward to more.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I liked your suggestion for the sleep.
Comment from anabelle
Ahhh! That is so sweet. I hope Leya wrote it and it's not Peggy's poem? I've learned to thoroughly dislike her. :-)
Great chapter. Just one thing: 'Would father (have) ordered that...'
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Ahhh! That is so sweet. I hope Leya wrote it and it's not Peggy's poem? I've learned to thoroughly dislike her. :-)
Great chapter. Just one thing: 'Would father (have) ordered that...'
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 17-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Will take care of have. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Nicnac
Nice smooth chapter, Barbara. I like how Jacinda jumped to the conclusion that Leya was pregnant. That is what I would've thought if I didn't know she was still a virgin. ;)
I also like how the relationship between Steven and Leya is progressing slowly.
A few suggestions:
[when she recognized Jacinda, her mother,] <--I think this makes more sense, and improves the flow, worded like this: (when she recognized her mother, Jacinda,)
The sound of voices in the hallway, caused Steven to blink. (comma isn't needed)
Sweet poem! It sets aside any doubts Steven may have had. :)
Nic
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Nice smooth chapter, Barbara. I like how Jacinda jumped to the conclusion that Leya was pregnant. That is what I would've thought if I didn't know she was still a virgin. ;)
I also like how the relationship between Steven and Leya is progressing slowly.
A few suggestions:
[when she recognized Jacinda, her mother,] <--I think this makes more sense, and improves the flow, worded like this: (when she recognized her mother, Jacinda,)
The sound of voices in the hallway, caused Steven to blink. (comma isn't needed)
Sweet poem! It sets aside any doubts Steven may have had. :)
Nic
Comment Written 16-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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I had her mother first, then was told the name always goes first. I like it better that way, I am going to change it. Thank you for the review.
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Hm, I could be wrong Ha-Ha
It just makes more sense to me to have her mother first. lol
:) Nic
Comment from chaswriter
barbara.wilkey - Interesting chapter with interesting characters.
Three comments:
He turned toward the door( )and then stopped. - no comma with compound predicate
Early the following afternoon, the doctor arrived(, )took Leya's blood pressure and asked, "Have
The sound of voices in the hallway( )caused Steven to blink. - don't separate the subject from its verb
Charlie
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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barbara.wilkey - Interesting chapter with interesting characters.
Three comments:
He turned toward the door( )and then stopped. - no comma with compound predicate
Early the following afternoon, the doctor arrived(, )took Leya's blood pressure and asked, "Have
The sound of voices in the hallway( )caused Steven to blink. - don't separate the subject from its verb
Charlie
Comment Written 16-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Have I mentioned I hate comma's. Thank you for your review. I will get right on those little pain in the you know where.
Comment from Shirley B
This is a very good chapter. I am going to have to back and catch up, this chapter made me want to see what I have missed. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Great job, Shirley
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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This is a very good chapter. I am going to have to back and catch up, this chapter made me want to see what I have missed. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Great job, Shirley
Comment Written 16-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
