Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Chapter 6; part4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
52 total reviews
Comment from Tpa
Not reading previous chapters, I very much came absorbed with you characters. In this chapter, I was looking for more conflict with Leya and Penny (depending on the plot of your story. I did not observe any tension that would habor the relationship of the couple. Of course, I don't know where your story is going, but I didn't anticipate any suspense in the ending of this chapter that would want me to turn the page. I wish you the best
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
  |
Not reading previous chapters, I very much came absorbed with you characters. In this chapter, I was looking for more conflict with Leya and Penny (depending on the plot of your story. I did not observe any tension that would habor the relationship of the couple. Of course, I don't know where your story is going, but I didn't anticipate any suspense in the ending of this chapter that would want me to turn the page. I wish you the best
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from chaswriter
barbara.wilkey - Since I haven't read the other recent, previous chapters and romantic fiction is not my genre, I'll try to be gentle. I assume this is one of those chapters where character development and relationship building is taking place, unless there is something special about the ring. It's a well written chapter with good dialogue and no spag. Charlie
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
barbara.wilkey - Since I haven't read the other recent, previous chapters and romantic fiction is not my genre, I'll try to be gentle. I assume this is one of those chapters where character development and relationship building is taking place, unless there is something special about the ring. It's a well written chapter with good dialogue and no spag. Charlie
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
I came across this well-written chapter in your book by accident and, not really knowing the story, I am left wondering why there is a distance between Leya and Steven if they are, in fact, married to each other.
There is just one small change to suggest ...
* You have - She placed her hands to her stomach trying to stop the tingles ... I suggest - She raised her hands to her stomach, trying to stop the tingles ... OR ...
She placed her hands on her stomach ...
Now, perhaps I will manage to read more chapters of your book.
With love from .. Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
Hullo Barbara Wilkey ...
I came across this well-written chapter in your book by accident and, not really knowing the story, I am left wondering why there is a distance between Leya and Steven if they are, in fact, married to each other.
There is just one small change to suggest ...
* You have - She placed her hands to her stomach trying to stop the tingles ... I suggest - She raised her hands to her stomach, trying to stop the tingles ... OR ...
She placed her hands on her stomach ...
Now, perhaps I will manage to read more chapters of your book.
With love from .. Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your suggestions.
Comment from Selera
I liked the opening. It starts with a strong "hook". The fight between them gets a bit confusing and I would eliminate some(perhaps most) of the tags like "she releases a deep breath" only because it slows down the pace and places the work in a more old style fashion. Overall I think the author did a wonderful job. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
I liked the opening. It starts with a strong "hook". The fight between them gets a bit confusing and I would eliminate some(perhaps most) of the tags like "she releases a deep breath" only because it slows down the pace and places the work in a more old style fashion. Overall I think the author did a wonderful job. Congratulations.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for the review and the suggestion.
Comment from jayesnb
Great story. The chapter came to life as it would in reality. There were no mistakes that I noted. Looking forward to reading future chapters. great job.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
Great story. The chapter came to life as it would in reality. There were no mistakes that I noted. Looking forward to reading future chapters. great job.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Excellent story, Mrs Wilkes. But then, Im one of the people that read stories of crimminal organizations and scandals, alot. But I think the likes of Mario Puzo should be prepared for you. Just from this chapter or part, it almost seems as if you've actually witnessed things like this.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
 |
Excellent story, Mrs Wilkes. But then, Im one of the people that read stories of crimminal organizations and scandals, alot. But I think the likes of Mario Puzo should be prepared for you. Just from this chapter or part, it almost seems as if you've actually witnessed things like this.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
My husband just retired from being a detective in the military. I do want to point out that this is a romance. Thank you for your review an I would like to know why I received a 4? You did not suggest any thing that needs to be changed. I try to improve my writting. Please take time to tell me what's wrong.
-
Nothing was actually wrong. I often get a scolding by my "critisizers" about me adding too much detail to a specific parts or chapters. Therefore I thought the same thing here. But you have to say,everyone has an opoinion. That was only mine. And Im happy that you pointed out it to be romance. That so ignorant of me. I took it that they were in a safehouse because there under witness protection from organized crime, and this was only a romantic chapter of it. But...hmm.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Great story and excellent writing. I could visualize every one of their actiona and feel their emotions. I found no spags.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
Great story and excellent writing. I could visualize every one of their actiona and feel their emotions. I found no spags.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support.
Comment from eliz100
I was trying to figure out why he left and I did not have an idea. Your idea was great. This chapter is well-written as usual.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
I was trying to figure out why he left and I did not have an idea. Your idea was great. This chapter is well-written as usual.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for the review.
Comment from despiser
Tried very hard to find flaws but found none. The metaphor is a little loose with the magnetic attraction, unless they're droids lol. A fine read
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
Tried very hard to find flaws but found none. The metaphor is a little loose with the magnetic attraction, unless they're droids lol. A fine read
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
I will recheck it. Thankyou for your review.
Comment from Heidixoxo
Again Barbara, this is another fanatsically written piece. I think you did a nice job with this and turned it in to a good read. It flows smoothly and was enjoyable to read too. Best of luck with this one......xoxo
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
|
Again Barbara, this is another fanatsically written piece. I think you did a nice job with this and turned it in to a good read. It flows smoothly and was enjoyable to read too. Best of luck with this one......xoxo
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
