Comment from Elizabeth_Mckenna

Excellent

This is the first chapter I have read of yours (I think). It sounds like an interesting story. I'll have to read more.
My suggestions:

He feared if he did, he'd somehow, be in trouble. (do you need a comma after "somehow"? I wouldn't use one.)

"I don't know if your reaction is an insult or a compliment." She smiled. (I would put "She smiled." first - that is how I imagined the scene. She smiles first and then says "I don't know...")

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

I just added a comma after somehow, because someone told me it needed to be there..UGH!!!!!!!!!!! You are right about the smile. I will fix it. Thank you for your review.

reply by Elizabeth_Mckenna on 13-Dec-2009

Funny about the comma. It bugged me because I had to pause for it. I don't think you need it.

Comment from lola29

Excellent

This was a intriguing chapter in that it raises the question--can men be satisfied with a woman looking like the girl-next-door? Leya sounds beautiful, but I'm sure, like most women, she needs time to relax. It will be interesting to read about Steven's reaction when she next talks to him.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for your review. I appreciate you kind words.

Comment from shy1250

Excellent

Interesting, I like your characters, good dialogue, no spag.. this is the first I've read of this but will try to keep up with it. (Have a piece I'm trying to finish so have cut my reviewing). later and God bless, shy

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for your review and kind words.

Comment from anabelle

Excellent

Well done, Barbara. I loved this chapter. He's dealing with his feelings, by charging head-on. Best and only way really, to resolve such things sometimes.

Looking forward to more.

Regards, anabelle

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for your review and assessment of Steven. I agree head on.

Comment from jadapenn

Exceptional

Oh boy, the pressure is mounting and I can sense a sensual stewpot bubbling. This man is not far from fetching. You go Steven, only got one life boy! I loved this chapter, girlfriend. It was teasing and created great visuals of the two bantering. I think Leya has got him where she wants him.
Well done - luv jada

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for the stars. I appreciate it, girlfriend. I always wait to hear from you. Glad you like it.

Comment from mjfande

Excellent

I'm glad to see Steven be honest with Leya. I look forward to seeing how this plays out in the coming chapters. I continue to enjoy the story as it progresses. Hot cocoa, cuddling, fireplace, and watching a snowfall sounds wonderful right now. And, wouldn't you know it? It's snowing outside. Too bad I have no fireplace.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

I hope you have someone to cuddle with, then it would be perfect. Thank you for your review.

Comment from empire76

Excellent

Question: is this a romance story with elements of suspense or a suspense story with elements of romance? I ask because I thought the focus was more on romance, and if so we need to it building, to see them struggling with it. You show Steve's side but not much of Leya's tension.

Also, try to move them out of just thinking and wondering. I'm not saying they should be having sex, but if they are so attracted to each other, time alone should lead to close calls ... I don't know, an almost-kiss, for example, or standing too close when someone walks in. I'm not really seeing that chemistry build from chapter 1 to now and you already have about 12K words (??)

- After a cup of coffee, he gained confidence.
The coffee boosted his confidence?

- "Do you like this look or the 'dressed up' look?
To avoid all that repetition, how about: Which look do you like/prefer?

- He sat in a chair. "Ok, I'll be honest." Steven stretched his legs in front. "You usually dress sexy."

I felt that the act of stretching his legs interrupts his dialogue, and it doesn't seem to add a positive effect. Perhaps in this case you actually need a speech tag to smoothen the flow, especially because of the action that comes before he starts talking. At the very least, I'd swap HE and STEVEN
Steven sat ... He stretched his legs...

- [Both] could lead to sex and with you probably would.
Any of them? Since there are more than two option

- But[,] sex between us will never happen."
Comma not needed

- I wonder what she's thinking
Suggestion: what is she thinking
Saves you a couple of words.

- "Surprise me," he interrupted with a grin as he left her room.
LOL

Empi

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for your review. An editor told me that you if you have them fall in love and/or have sex before the last third of the book there is no reason to continue the book, you just lost your readers. That is what I am trying to do. Thank you for your review.

reply by empire76 on 13-Dec-2009

I agree in part with that comment. You can do the entire story without your characters having sex. The story still needs to be able to stand strong if you took out all the sex scenes. The important thing, for me, is to see the attraction and the development of their feeling regardless of sex. I want to see them getting invested in each other. As for losing the reader, I'll tell you, I've read a lot of romance novels where the couple have sex as early as chapter 2, and yet the story remains gripping. That's why you need conflict and motivation. Keep asking yourself what's the thing that's keeping them apart? That thing has to be strong enough to still remain an issue even if they were to have sex (and especially if you took out the sex from the story).

Does that help?

Empi

Comment from FredCollingwood

Excellent

Great sotry and very well written as all of your are. Some minor things you might look at:

Peggy (resquests) to be put on Steven's team to protect him from Leya. > requests

It's only wrong, if I respond() and I will never act on those feelings. > add comma before coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.

You look()...." > no space here. There are spaces before and after ellipses, EXCEPT at sentence end. I know: stupid rules!

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you. I thought I had the a space before th ellipses, I guess I missed it. Thank you for catching those.

reply by FredCollingwood on 13-Dec-2009

You did have the space before the ellipsis I pointed out. There should not have been one there.

There are spaces before and after ellipses, EXCEPT at sentence end.

Comment from despiser

Excellent

Barbara
guess sex will have to wait... Lol
very good portrayal of characters, especially detail to their inner thoughts. Story has great pace and clarity in a complex situation.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

Thank you for your review.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

i am enjoying this story--this is the 2nd chapter i have read and reviewed--can't wait to read other chapters and find out what is going on--i appreciate anyone who can write books--i looked back at the Novels I wrote and I see them as childish--of course I wrote about strong men and strong women and their clashes and I do not view myself as strong and fiery.

 Comment Written 13-Dec-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009

I am not a strong fiery woman, but enjoy writing about them. Thank you for your review and comments.