Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Chapter 5; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from wierdgrace
The character Leya keeps me glued to this story, and the excitement and questions of what is going to happen next, wow, I forget to look for spags as you are such a great writer, thank you for sharing, and looking for more to read.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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The character Leya keeps me glued to this story, and the excitement and questions of what is going to happen next, wow, I forget to look for spags as you are such a great writer, thank you for sharing, and looking for more to read.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
If I were the DEA honcho, I'd fire Steven and Peggy or at least take them off this assignment. Leya is a mysterious one, but this is just how it should be. Growing up in that drug-cartel family, she learned to trust nobody. Leya is a difficult character to develop, but you're doing a good job of it. Even better, you're letting her actions speak for themselves and not hitting the reader over the head with excessive "telling." This is why I gave you a six-star review.
Oh, yes. I couldn't find any nits.
Dave
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Barbara,
If I were the DEA honcho, I'd fire Steven and Peggy or at least take them off this assignment. Leya is a mysterious one, but this is just how it should be. Growing up in that drug-cartel family, she learned to trust nobody. Leya is a difficult character to develop, but you're doing a good job of it. Even better, you're letting her actions speak for themselves and not hitting the reader over the head with excessive "telling." This is why I gave you a six-star review.
Oh, yes. I couldn't find any nits.
Dave
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words. I appreciate the stars.
Comment from mjfande
I love the drama in this chapter. It seems like Peggy is really jealous of Leya. I see some trouble between them and Steven ahead, with the last two chapters that were posted. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I love the drama in this chapter. It seems like Peggy is really jealous of Leya. I see some trouble between them and Steven ahead, with the last two chapters that were posted. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for the review and the kind words.
Comment from Nightwind
Well- done chapter. Story flows. Writing is terse, to the point and descriptive. Reading flows. I am enjoy watching the story unfold. Good Job!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Well- done chapter. Story flows. Writing is terse, to the point and descriptive. Reading flows. I am enjoy watching the story unfold. Good Job!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written chapter showing the animosity Peggy feels towar Leya and Steven's doubts as he finds himself falling in love with Leya. Job well done.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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This is a well written chapter showing the animosity Peggy feels towar Leya and Steven's doubts as he finds himself falling in love with Leya. Job well done.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
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You're welcome, Barbara. LYF,Charlie
Comment from fictionwriter
Poor Leya, she's getting the raw end of the deal seems like to me. another good chapter in the story. Waiting for more. Good job.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Poor Leya, she's getting the raw end of the deal seems like to me. another good chapter in the story. Waiting for more. Good job.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Girlfriend, I could clip Peggy across the earhole. She is one mean cow. The story flowed well and I enjoyed all the interaction. Pity Steven lets Peggy talk to "his wife" like that.
Well done. Jada not well. luv anyway - jada
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Hi Girlfriend, I could clip Peggy across the earhole. She is one mean cow. The story flowed well and I enjoyed all the interaction. Pity Steven lets Peggy talk to "his wife" like that.
Well done. Jada not well. luv anyway - jada
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Hey, my favorite writing machine, isn't feeling well. I am so sorry. You have probably wore yourself out. Maybe we should take a vacation with sarong man.
Comment from empire76
- Steven and Leya are outside talking while Leya is feeding a stray cat.
Is this a note or part of the story? I don't think you need it.
- "Steven, Bob and Derek are ready to toss her room."
Peggy's use of Steven's name causes a little confusion. It initially sounds like she's say that Steven, Bob and Derek are all ready to toss Leya's room. But I realise she's talking to Steven
- As a precaution, we'll tap[e] their telephone
conversations."
Do you mean tap?
- I could never fall in love with a woman who lies and [her] family tree is full of criminals.
suggestion: ...a woman who lies and whose family tree...
Cheers
Empi
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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- Steven and Leya are outside talking while Leya is feeding a stray cat.
Is this a note or part of the story? I don't think you need it.
- "Steven, Bob and Derek are ready to toss her room."
Peggy's use of Steven's name causes a little confusion. It initially sounds like she's say that Steven, Bob and Derek are all ready to toss Leya's room. But I realise she's talking to Steven
- As a precaution, we'll tap[e] their telephone
conversations."
Do you mean tap?
- I could never fall in love with a woman who lies and [her] family tree is full of criminals.
suggestion: ...a woman who lies and whose family tree...
Cheers
Empi
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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I have already fixed those problems. I did mean tape, but I may revise that.
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No, actually, you're right.
You'd use tap if your sentence was, ...we
ll tap their telephone
Comment from Writeaway...
Barbara, you kept my attention from the beginning. I found no spags whatsoever and you certainly left me wondering what's going to happen next, excellent job, keep writing!!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Barbara, you kept my attention from the beginning. I found no spags whatsoever and you certainly left me wondering what's going to happen next, excellent job, keep writing!!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
It seems to me that Steve now has a loose cannon on his team. Peggy is determined to pin something on Leya and he had better start to ask why. Before she blows the whole team to bits.
Well written, your scene setting and dialogues are very good. One typo -
I'm taking about. - talking...
Patrick
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Hi Barbara,
It seems to me that Steve now has a loose cannon on his team. Peggy is determined to pin something on Leya and he had better start to ask why. Before she blows the whole team to bits.
Well written, your scene setting and dialogues are very good. One typo -
I'm taking about. - talking...
Patrick
Comment Written 06-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2009
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Thank you for catching that typo. I appreciate your continued support.
