Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Chapter 5; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
47 total reviews
Comment from Jordan Rose
Great story. It was very easy to recognize the jealousy coming from Peggy and fun to feel the tension Steven felt having to deal with both women. This seems like a fun story to follow. Nice job.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Great story. It was very easy to recognize the jealousy coming from Peggy and fun to feel the tension Steven felt having to deal with both women. This seems like a fun story to follow. Nice job.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review. I am glad the tension came across.
Comment from adewpearl
Oh, it is clear Peggy is jealous, and it is even clearer where Steven's loyalties and heart lie!!! She had better now mess with Leya. This was a fun chapter as the women vie for their man! LOL Love all the little lingerie stuff - I haven't owned anything like that in years. LOL Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Oh, it is clear Peggy is jealous, and it is even clearer where Steven's loyalties and heart lie!!! She had better now mess with Leya. This was a fun chapter as the women vie for their man! LOL Love all the little lingerie stuff - I haven't owned anything like that in years. LOL Brooke
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review. It's official now, it's an acceptable post. I appreciate your support.
Comment from wrdtrctr
Well written chapter. The only issue that I really had was the 'italics' where Leya was thinking, in other formats it might look okay, here on this sight it appears out of place. You also did not do the italics for Steven's thoughts above that, maybe some other method of emphasizing this?
This Leya seems awfully delicate, is this your plan?
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Well written chapter. The only issue that I really had was the 'italics' where Leya was thinking, in other formats it might look okay, here on this sight it appears out of place. You also did not do the italics for Steven's thoughts above that, maybe some other method of emphasizing this?
This Leya seems awfully delicate, is this your plan?
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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I need to recheck STeven's thought. I thought I had them in italics too.
Comment from lola29
Barbara, very impressive writing. I especially like how you managed to evoke4 jealousy between the two women; it was palpable animosity.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Barbara, very impressive writing. I especially like how you managed to evoke4 jealousy between the two women; it was palpable animosity.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you very much I appreciate your review and kind words.
Comment from empire76
Interesting addition - Peggy. Is it just me or does Leya cry A LOT. She's always shedding tears. Is it part of her character or u haven't noticed she seems to cry in every other chapter?
- He couldn't understand why viewing that much breast caused desires within his loins.
Uh - hellooo?? LOL
- I can't touch that woman. I'm uncomfortable just walking beside her.
Italics?
- As tears welled in her eyes, Leya took the clothes.
Tell us why she has tears. Don't assume the reader knows.
- He glanced at Peggy's clothes.
Describe the clothes here. Maybe add some thoughts before he speaks.
My two cents
Cheers
Empi
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Interesting addition - Peggy. Is it just me or does Leya cry A LOT. She's always shedding tears. Is it part of her character or u haven't noticed she seems to cry in every other chapter?
- He couldn't understand why viewing that much breast caused desires within his loins.
Uh - hellooo?? LOL
- I can't touch that woman. I'm uncomfortable just walking beside her.
Italics?
- As tears welled in her eyes, Leya took the clothes.
Tell us why she has tears. Don't assume the reader knows.
- He glanced at Peggy's clothes.
Describe the clothes here. Maybe add some thoughts before he speaks.
My two cents
Cheers
Empi
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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I can't tell you how Leya feels because I'm in the wrong POV. I hate that.
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Here's a suggestion if you're not in Leya's POV; the POV character can notice Leya blushing, which will tell us why she's crying.
Empi
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi barb, oh, this is a great chapter. Steven has softened a bit, though it still appears as if he has no experience with women at all.
"You always greet guys with hugs and kisses?" Her eyebrows['] arched. - delete that
But you're one of the guys, he thought, - suggest put the thoughts in italic.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Hi barb, oh, this is a great chapter. Steven has softened a bit, though it still appears as if he has no experience with women at all.
"You always greet guys with hugs and kisses?" Her eyebrows['] arched. - delete that
But you're one of the guys, he thought, - suggest put the thoughts in italic.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for catching those. I appreciate it and your continued support.
Comment from Mark Nolan
As usual BARBARA.WILKEY you have a great imagination. This is well written and flows well and is an easy read. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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As usual BARBARA.WILKEY you have a great imagination. This is well written and flows well and is an easy read. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your continued support and nice review.
Comment from annienolan
Nothing like a good thriller to get the imagination going. Creative and exciting. Thoughtfully written. I love it. Well done, keep writing.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Nothing like a good thriller to get the imagination going. Creative and exciting. Thoughtfully written. I love it. Well done, keep writing.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from wierdgrace
I can not get enough of your story, your characters do keep you excited and you wonder what is going to happen next, Even with all the characters, you can keep up with the diologue with no problem, thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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I can not get enough of your story, your characters do keep you excited and you wonder what is going to happen next, Even with all the characters, you can keep up with the diologue with no problem, thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Readywriter52
It get the feeling when Leya and Peggy met it was instant dislike. Peggy seemed to want to embarrass Leya when she gave Leya back her clothes. They seem attracted to the same man, Steven.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2009
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It get the feeling when Leya and Peggy met it was instant dislike. Peggy seemed to want to embarrass Leya when she gave Leya back her clothes. They seem attracted to the same man, Steven.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2009
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Two women after the same man, it won't be pretty. Thank you for your review.
