Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter 4 Part 5"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
43 total reviews
Comment from RazberryBullet
Very conscise and effective action scene. Liked the Spanish!
suggestion: As the men swiped /at/mosquitoes
Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Very conscise and effective action scene. Liked the Spanish!
suggestion: As the men swiped /at/mosquitoes
Well done!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your suggestion and I will get right on it.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Leya sounds like she's ambivalant. If she grew up in a dysfunctional family, this is easy to understand.
I enjoyed this read and have only one comment:
"I suspect you're running cocaine and heroine [heroin] into my territory."
Dave
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Barbara,
Leya sounds like she's ambivalant. If she grew up in a dysfunctional family, this is easy to understand.
I enjoyed this read and have only one comment:
"I suspect you're running cocaine and heroine [heroin] into my territory."
Dave
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Yea, I meant to change that and got side tracked, I better do it before I get side tracked again. It's taken care of. Thank you for your review.
Comment from mshugh
Nice job
Michael noticed the car Eric, an undercover Task Force agent, had waiting for them in the airport parking lot. - I know what you're trying to say, but it is an awkward sentence.
As they stared at the front steps of the hacienda [insert comma] each team
Well paced
Michael
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Nice job
Michael noticed the car Eric, an undercover Task Force agent, had waiting for them in the airport parking lot. - I know what you're trying to say, but it is an awkward sentence.
As they stared at the front steps of the hacienda [insert comma] each team
Well paced
Michael
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you. I have rewritten that sentences hundreds of times and still can't get it out. I thought about deleting it, but it's important. Thank you for your review and kinds words.
Comment from mjfande
Awesome chapter. I really liked this one. It had good action and flow. It was good to how well Steven comforted Leya. For being an "acting" husband, he's doing a great job. I like the way the story is headed. Keep up the good work.
In the line -
With a cell phone, Matt called Eric for directions to Hector Vegas's hacienda nestled below the St. Andes Mountains near Bogota'.
Vegas's should be Vegas' and Bogota' doesn't need the ' at the end of it.
The quotations at the end of this paragraph just need to be moved back. -
As they walked through the airport, Leya stopped, and stared at Steven. "I knew my father would take his anger out on you and me, but I never thought he would take revenge against my mother.
"
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Awesome chapter. I really liked this one. It had good action and flow. It was good to how well Steven comforted Leya. For being an "acting" husband, he's doing a great job. I like the way the story is headed. Keep up the good work.
In the line -
With a cell phone, Matt called Eric for directions to Hector Vegas's hacienda nestled below the St. Andes Mountains near Bogota'.
Vegas's should be Vegas' and Bogota' doesn't need the ' at the end of it.
The quotations at the end of this paragraph just need to be moved back. -
As they walked through the airport, Leya stopped, and stared at Steven. "I knew my father would take his anger out on you and me, but I never thought he would take revenge against my mother.
"
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words. I appreciate you catching those nits.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
Very well done...My only catch might have been how easily they were able to leave Leya's father's compound. I would have though the guards would have at least confronted them.
I love the interaction between Leya and STeven,,,definite love in bloom.
Good job!
Carol
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Barbara
Very well done...My only catch might have been how easily they were able to leave Leya's father's compound. I would have though the guards would have at least confronted them.
I love the interaction between Leya and STeven,,,definite love in bloom.
Good job!
Carol
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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I didn't want to spend a lot of time getting into the compound, that's why later I stated, the men were surprised at the lack of security. I do have a few shots outs later. Thank you for your review and constant support.
Comment from Belinda
Besides the plot which runs smoothly, this chapter is interesting for many details: the 'diversion', the way Leya slips into Steven's bed, the sweet note at the end. Looking forward for more...
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Besides the plot which runs smoothly, this chapter is interesting for many details: the 'diversion', the way Leya slips into Steven's bed, the sweet note at the end. Looking forward for more...
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from Lisha L
This is well written and as I have read several pieces of this story, I find it very engaging. The story line is flowing well and the dialgoue is well written and moves the story along well.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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This is well written and as I have read several pieces of this story, I find it very engaging. The story line is flowing well and the dialgoue is well written and moves the story along well.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Judith Ann
What a compelling story! I have read through a few chapters to get caught up a bit and I am hooked on your story. I enjoy this type of story, action, suspense and romance. Your hero and heroine are believable characters and you move them through the scenes well. The dialog is also riveting as is the love story that is unfolding. Very well done. --Judy
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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What a compelling story! I have read through a few chapters to get caught up a bit and I am hooked on your story. I enjoy this type of story, action, suspense and romance. Your hero and heroine are believable characters and you move them through the scenes well. The dialog is also riveting as is the love story that is unfolding. Very well done. --Judy
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review and kinds words.
Comment from minopavlic
A well crafted story from a talented author. You in your unique style draw the reader deeply not only into the characters, but within the story itself. Mark my words, you are an aristocrat on all levels within the mastery of the pen. The eloquence of your writing has in its own nature a mystifying , yet captivating magnetism that embraces the reader.
Warmly
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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A well crafted story from a talented author. You in your unique style draw the reader deeply not only into the characters, but within the story itself. Mark my words, you are an aristocrat on all levels within the mastery of the pen. The eloquence of your writing has in its own nature a mystifying , yet captivating magnetism that embraces the reader.
Warmly
No_obstacle
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from L.lora
Effortlessly and silently(,) they corralled the servants.
I suspect you're running cocaine and [heroine = heroin] into my
he would take revenge against my mother." quotes are on line below
At the hospital(,) Matt and Steven talked with the doctor and decided
When they arrived at the safe house(,) Steven and Leya went to
Instead(,) a note lay where she had slept.
Strong and exciting write,
presents well and holds the
reader's attention. What a
mess your characters have
gotten into--however I'm sure it will
all get straightened out... maybe
with a few surprises. :)Lora
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2009
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Effortlessly and silently(,) they corralled the servants.
I suspect you're running cocaine and [heroine = heroin] into my
he would take revenge against my mother." quotes are on line below
At the hospital(,) Matt and Steven talked with the doctor and decided
When they arrived at the safe house(,) Steven and Leya went to
Instead(,) a note lay where she had slept.
Strong and exciting write,
presents well and holds the
reader's attention. What a
mess your characters have
gotten into--however I'm sure it will
all get straightened out... maybe
with a few surprises. :)Lora
Comment Written 11-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2009
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Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I wanted to print you suggestions and my printer went down. I am up and running again. Thank you for your review.
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Oh how I know how that is, went to print and was out of ink, switched printers and it decided in wanted to be out also... Watch out for evil eddie... things don't seem to be holding like they should... Peace my friend... Lora
