The Memory Box
reflections on a box of baby clothes138 total reviews
Comment from Winslow
Dear Pearl,
A mother's love is like an eternal flame, burning with strength from a child's conception until death do you part. There is much warm imagery in this poem, it is like being under a fuzzy blanket cuddling with someone you love.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Dear Pearl,
A mother's love is like an eternal flame, burning with strength from a child's conception until death do you part. There is much warm imagery in this poem, it is like being under a fuzzy blanket cuddling with someone you love.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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thanks ever so much for this kind review, Brooke
Comment from raveeshvarma
"his life before ours on tender display"
Even if you ahd not provided the notes at the end, this line would have been a beautiful indication of the story behind this very touching offering. I loved that line, I wish I had thought of something so heartrending.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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"his life before ours on tender display"
Even if you ahd not provided the notes at the end, this line would have been a beautiful indication of the story behind this very touching offering. I loved that line, I wish I had thought of something so heartrending.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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that is a most sweet thing for you to say. I am humbled. Thank you, Brooke
Comment from Dogz
I read the notes first before I read the poem. I haven't been reviewing lately for selfish reasons, and I'm glad I started back with yours. It really matches my mood today on this T-day. Good coffee, great football, kids beating each other up, wife not complaining:) and great poetry, wow, what a life!!! Lol Great poem Brooke. I'm glad you found this keepsake. Dogz
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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I read the notes first before I read the poem. I haven't been reviewing lately for selfish reasons, and I'm glad I started back with yours. It really matches my mood today on this T-day. Good coffee, great football, kids beating each other up, wife not complaining:) and great poetry, wow, what a life!!! Lol Great poem Brooke. I'm glad you found this keepsake. Dogz
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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thank you, Dogz - but great football? you really think Detroit is great football? And my team, that has been so dismal this season, is on tonight - oh, I don't want them to humiliate themselves again. They sucked so bad on Sunday. LOL
Oh yes, the poem, thank you very much!! Brooke
Comment from DragonSkulls
What a great entry for this contest Brooke. You covered all the senses very well. I'm glad you got to find the box. Good luck in the contest. /Ron
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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What a great entry for this contest Brooke. You covered all the senses very well. I'm glad you got to find the box. Good luck in the contest. /Ron
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Ron , thank you! My daughter cried, so the contest is so secondary. Brooke
Comment from Artasylum
it is a blessing to clutch to your chest the smallest of things that our loved ones once adorned or cherished...my ex-husband died at an early age and it did bring some discovery and comfort...yours, diana
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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it is a blessing to clutch to your chest the smallest of things that our loved ones once adorned or cherished...my ex-husband died at an early age and it did bring some discovery and comfort...yours, diana
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Diana, thank you so much for this lovely review, Brooke
Comment from Ian Ayris
Hi Brooke. Lovely imagery and colours here, all wrapped up in your usual effortlessly gentle touch.
Just a couple of my compulsive comments. As usual, take what you will, feel free to dismiss at your leisure.
Here goes . . .
His hand-knit booties are white with blue trim.
I hear giggles stored in their fine-knit toes.
How much did they tickle when slipped onto him
to keep his feet warm from the ('THE' JARRED FOR ME HERE. FELT A BIT PLAIN. WANTED MORE DESCRIPTION. SOMETHING LIKE 'COLD' OR 'WHITE' OR SOMETHING] winter snows?
The corduroy cap with [LOVE THIS LINE. SEE THE EFFECT BY NOT HAVING 'THE' HERE]embroidered lamb
would [PERHAPS 'OFT] have been worn when the [DELETE 'THE' TO KEEP THE SYLLABLE COUNT] baby was strolled.
I think of him sleeping inside his pram
and feel every gust of that season's cold.
In the softness of sweater's knit and purl,
I see his toothless and innocent smile [AH, BLESS].
Such baby-fine wool [LOVE THAT PHRASE] makes my senses swirl
as sight and touch blend and blur to beguile [PERHAPS A DIFFERENT ORDER 'as sight and touch blend, blur and beguile'].
I smell his sweet breath in the silken blues
of his clothes so carefully packed away.
I feel so much love in their muted hues [GREAT RHYME. PERFECT],
his life before ours on tender display. [WAS READY FOR THIS LAST LINE TO READ 'HIS LIFE ENDED BEFORE OURS TODAY'. IF NOT FOR YOUR AUTHOR NOTES RELATING THE HISTORY OF THIS POEM, THOUGHT IT WAS SETTING UP FOR A VERY SAD ENDING]
This small box of treasures, recently found,
will pass to our daughter, a precious keepsake,
so she can preserve each sight, smell and sound
that swirl in the dance these memories make.
[LOVELY ROUNDING OFF. THE FACT THIS LAST VERSE IS TRUE MAKES IT ALL THE MORE IMPRESSIVELY DONE]
Wondeful write again, my friend. Have you loads of these stored up or are you really that prolific?
As usual, such a life affirming pleasure to read your work, Brooke. Thank you.
Your friend,
Ian
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Hi Brooke. Lovely imagery and colours here, all wrapped up in your usual effortlessly gentle touch.
Just a couple of my compulsive comments. As usual, take what you will, feel free to dismiss at your leisure.
Here goes . . .
His hand-knit booties are white with blue trim.
I hear giggles stored in their fine-knit toes.
How much did they tickle when slipped onto him
to keep his feet warm from the ('THE' JARRED FOR ME HERE. FELT A BIT PLAIN. WANTED MORE DESCRIPTION. SOMETHING LIKE 'COLD' OR 'WHITE' OR SOMETHING] winter snows?
The corduroy cap with [LOVE THIS LINE. SEE THE EFFECT BY NOT HAVING 'THE' HERE]embroidered lamb
would [PERHAPS 'OFT] have been worn when the [DELETE 'THE' TO KEEP THE SYLLABLE COUNT] baby was strolled.
I think of him sleeping inside his pram
and feel every gust of that season's cold.
In the softness of sweater's knit and purl,
I see his toothless and innocent smile [AH, BLESS].
Such baby-fine wool [LOVE THAT PHRASE] makes my senses swirl
as sight and touch blend and blur to beguile [PERHAPS A DIFFERENT ORDER 'as sight and touch blend, blur and beguile'].
I smell his sweet breath in the silken blues
of his clothes so carefully packed away.
I feel so much love in their muted hues [GREAT RHYME. PERFECT],
his life before ours on tender display. [WAS READY FOR THIS LAST LINE TO READ 'HIS LIFE ENDED BEFORE OURS TODAY'. IF NOT FOR YOUR AUTHOR NOTES RELATING THE HISTORY OF THIS POEM, THOUGHT IT WAS SETTING UP FOR A VERY SAD ENDING]
This small box of treasures, recently found,
will pass to our daughter, a precious keepsake,
so she can preserve each sight, smell and sound
that swirl in the dance these memories make.
[LOVELY ROUNDING OFF. THE FACT THIS LAST VERSE IS TRUE MAKES IT ALL THE MORE IMPRESSIVELY DONE]
Wondeful write again, my friend. Have you loads of these stored up or are you really that prolific?
As usual, such a life affirming pleasure to read your work, Brooke. Thank you.
Your friend,
Ian
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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as always, your suggestions are practically the only ones I ever get that make any sense to me. I promise to ponder all of them - I agree the "the" is plain and will work on that one first. I will also do something with the blend line as that one I was not satisfied with already. Most reviewers who have suggestions totally put me off because they just want me to have exact rhymes or iambic pentameter all the damned time, but your suggestions are always so thought out and have strengthened my work more than once!! Happy Thanksgiving. I know you don't have it there, but I am thankful for you, one of the most amazingly best writers I've met here and the only truly great reviewer. With admiration, Brooke
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when I first joined the site I posted stored up poems - I'm now reaching the point where I have to compose to post. This one is brand new as I just got the box of clothes.
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Always a pleasure, Brooke.
Hope you're having a great day. My mum always says it'd be lovely if we could have something like Thanksgiving over here, but I'm afraid, as a race, the English are all just a bit cynical. I was saying to Mollie last night how great it is that in America people fly half way across the country just to be with their families for just one day. Over here, if someone says hello in the street their marked down as a bit of a nutter. Shame really.
I'm about half way through Chapter Two, hopefully finish it in a couple of days. Won't be posted 'til I've built up enough credit though - perhaps end of next week.
Now you get off this computer and enjoy yourself.
Your friend,
Ian
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Ah, spontaneous poetry from the heart. See, Brooke, we all have our gifts, and yours is to be truly envied.
Look after yourself, my friend.
Ian
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I have made edits - take a look - you are wonderful!!!! Give that baby girl a Thanksgiving hug for me. :-)
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I won't go to my sister's until 1 - until then, I am enjoying my self here! My daughter will be home for Christmas - if she or my son were here I would be far far from the computer :-)
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Flows so much better now, Brooke, as if to add anything or take anything out would be to destroy it all.
Summer's got this thing at the moment where when I say 'Ahhh' she toddles up and buries her head in my shoulder and just stays their wiggling her bum, going 'aahhh'. Makes life perfect. If only the rest of it were that simple . . .
Enjoy the rest of your day, Brooke.
Warmest regards,
Your friend,
Ian
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Crossed messages galore . . .
No idea what the time difference is . . . it's nearly two in the afternoon over here. Hour and a half before Mollie and Charlie get home from school and chaos descends. Think I'll make myself a coffee while I can :]
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It is five hours earlier here - I have not eaten breakfast yet :-)
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that is simply a lovely image - there is nothing in this world like a father and daughter together. :-)
Comment from Perp Ihebom
A very passionate poem that touches the depths of one's emotions. Little things really do matter and i think you have a special knack for highlighting such often-neglected treasures. Thanks for sharing your worldviews through this medium. I enjoyed reading this poem . kudos.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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A very passionate poem that touches the depths of one's emotions. Little things really do matter and i think you have a special knack for highlighting such often-neglected treasures. Thanks for sharing your worldviews through this medium. I enjoyed reading this poem . kudos.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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You are most kind. Happy thanksgiving, even if your nation does not celebrate the holiday!! Brooke
Comment from Gypsymooncat
Your title is definitely what draws one in to start with, then the poem as it swirls, aptly describing the sight, smell and feel of those tiny cloth memories. I enjoyed this fine and sentimental poem my friend, and loved the presentation also. What you say in your notes is also correct: divorce or separation does not enemies make. I think it's wonderful you still feel a depth of friendship towards your ex-husband, and hope you and your daughter enjoy your Christmas, going through these lovely memories. Good luck also in what seems like a really sweet contest! xoxoxoxoxo
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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Your title is definitely what draws one in to start with, then the poem as it swirls, aptly describing the sight, smell and feel of those tiny cloth memories. I enjoyed this fine and sentimental poem my friend, and loved the presentation also. What you say in your notes is also correct: divorce or separation does not enemies make. I think it's wonderful you still feel a depth of friendship towards your ex-husband, and hope you and your daughter enjoy your Christmas, going through these lovely memories. Good luck also in what seems like a really sweet contest! xoxoxoxoxo
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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thanks so much for all our kind thoughts, Brooke Happy Thanksgiving!
Comment from carolm5415
What an amazing story and so well written. My generation tends to discard things or pass them on to charity (I bought two pair of jeans at Value Village for seven bucks the other day!) so there will be few little treasures for my family to find although my mother still had her mother's christening dress in her cedar chest when she died in 2003! Speaking of divorce, my second daughter has been separated for ten years but when we have a family get together, he is there with his new partner BBQ'ing with her new partner!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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What an amazing story and so well written. My generation tends to discard things or pass them on to charity (I bought two pair of jeans at Value Village for seven bucks the other day!) so there will be few little treasures for my family to find although my mother still had her mother's christening dress in her cedar chest when she died in 2003! Speaking of divorce, my second daughter has been separated for ten years but when we have a family get together, he is there with his new partner BBQ'ing with her new partner!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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my ex died two days after Christmas in 2004 - he spent Christmas morning at my place with me and my daughter as he did every single year after our divorce - I find stories so sad that people tell of not even knowing where an ex is any more. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me! And thank you for the review, Brooke
Comment from daysofdeath1
this poem is very well written, i have a little sister that is 2 years old so i have some sort of relation to the emotion put into this poem.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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this poem is very well written, i have a little sister that is 2 years old so i have some sort of relation to the emotion put into this poem.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2008
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two years old is such a wonderful age - thank you so much for this thoughtful review, Brooke happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
