Broken Man
Sadness, shame, anger, stress, and regret are my companions.31 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I love your daughters names...Cierra, Celeste and
Alexis.
Douglas, I don't think you are playing the victim but you are the victim of your horrible ex-wife.
Have you tried family therapy with your daughters? I think they are old enough to hear the truth.
I know how you feel, although our situations are different ... my exhusband had an affair with a married coworker. I went through 5 years of hell. He asked me to reconcile twice only to break up twice.
I feel your pain. You did an extraordinary job with the entry for the My Worst Fear Writing Contest.
I wish you the best. I consider you a friend, please let me know if there's anything I can do.
Besitos y abrazos,
Marival
Check these....
So, my ex..... "Being shot at and having (j Ives")
By hard earned,......."A few (months months) before I retired"
I love my daughters...... I felt like I was (going t be)
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I love your daughters names...Cierra, Celeste and
Alexis.
Douglas, I don't think you are playing the victim but you are the victim of your horrible ex-wife.
Have you tried family therapy with your daughters? I think they are old enough to hear the truth.
I know how you feel, although our situations are different ... my exhusband had an affair with a married coworker. I went through 5 years of hell. He asked me to reconcile twice only to break up twice.
I feel your pain. You did an extraordinary job with the entry for the My Worst Fear Writing Contest.
I wish you the best. I consider you a friend, please let me know if there's anything I can do.
Besitos y abrazos,
Marival
Check these....
So, my ex..... "Being shot at and having (j Ives")
By hard earned,......."A few (months months) before I retired"
I love my daughters...... I felt like I was (going t be)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Your kindness is a treasure. I appreciate you sharing your story. It is good not to be isolated.
Douglas
Comment from pome lover
Oh, I imagine this was terribly hard to do. My first reaction was that you would probably hear from men who could more easily identify with your situation, but then, women are, most times, the solution finders, problem solvers in families, so women are probably responding.
If your ex won't tell the truth and has deliberately turned your daughters against you, that's a tough nut to crack. Maybe, if you wrote them and reminded them of your good times with each of them, and say that you would never lie to them, and had tried your best to show them how much you loved and cared for them? You have probably already done all that. I don't know, but having read your story, I sincerely hope you figure something out that works. Good luck.
Katharine
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Oh, I imagine this was terribly hard to do. My first reaction was that you would probably hear from men who could more easily identify with your situation, but then, women are, most times, the solution finders, problem solvers in families, so women are probably responding.
If your ex won't tell the truth and has deliberately turned your daughters against you, that's a tough nut to crack. Maybe, if you wrote them and reminded them of your good times with each of them, and say that you would never lie to them, and had tried your best to show them how much you loved and cared for them? You have probably already done all that. I don't know, but having read your story, I sincerely hope you figure something out that works. Good luck.
Katharine
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Katharine. They won't see me, but a letter is a good idea. I think I am going to take your advice. Thank you.
Douglas
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good luck
Comment from prettybluebirds
In the paragraph starting with 2023, you have the word (asking) spelled (asing). (Knives) is spelled wrong. Your story is tragic but a common thing in our country. My husband had eight children from his first marriage, and they conned him out of land and money, then forgot him when he was old and sick. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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In the paragraph starting with 2023, you have the word (asking) spelled (asing). (Knives) is spelled wrong. Your story is tragic but a common thing in our country. My husband had eight children from his first marriage, and they conned him out of land and money, then forgot him when he was old and sick. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Sad but true. I hope things worked out for your husband.
Douglas
Comment from barbara.wilkey
My heart aches for you. I have come to know a sweet and wonderful gentleman who doesn't deserve this. Advice, first forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong. Working long hours is no reason to have affairs. My husband was active Army and gone most of the time. I never cheated or even thought about it. I was commented to our marriage and our family. Then forgive the others. God will help with this. I know He will. He's done it for me. I was married very young to an abusive man. I was one of the lucky ones, I got away safely and had to go into hiding, for awhile because he was going to kill me. My hate for this man was all consuming. I had to go to God and get help to learn to forgive. I would seek God's advice and listen with an open heart.
Good luck with the contest.
Yet, the next day I always feel relieved. (the following day)
Now the danger in writing a piece like this is that it could easily slip Into a one-sided bashing of the other party. (into)
and support until Celeste graduated high school., even though I had raised them for over four years without a dime from her. (no need for the period after 'school')
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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My heart aches for you. I have come to know a sweet and wonderful gentleman who doesn't deserve this. Advice, first forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong. Working long hours is no reason to have affairs. My husband was active Army and gone most of the time. I never cheated or even thought about it. I was commented to our marriage and our family. Then forgive the others. God will help with this. I know He will. He's done it for me. I was married very young to an abusive man. I was one of the lucky ones, I got away safely and had to go into hiding, for awhile because he was going to kill me. My hate for this man was all consuming. I had to go to God and get help to learn to forgive. I would seek God's advice and listen with an open heart.
Good luck with the contest.
Yet, the next day I always feel relieved. (the following day)
Now the danger in writing a piece like this is that it could easily slip Into a one-sided bashing of the other party. (into)
and support until Celeste graduated high school., even though I had raised them for over four years without a dime from her. (no need for the period after 'school')
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Barbara. Your kind words are appreciated. This has been a difficult stretch.
Douglas
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I will email you with more advice. I cannot believe you are a lawyer and came out so badly in your divorce and court cases. That makes no sense at all. But the plain fact is you gave and gave and gave, and they all intended for you to keep doing so until your dying day. They will never have their hand out of your pocket. Let them go, never give them another cent.
Let them grow up and come to you. Karen
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I will email you with more advice. I cannot believe you are a lawyer and came out so badly in your divorce and court cases. That makes no sense at all. But the plain fact is you gave and gave and gave, and they all intended for you to keep doing so until your dying day. They will never have their hand out of your pocket. Let them go, never give them another cent.
Let them grow up and come to you. Karen
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Solid. But I am not and never was a lawyer. I am a retired federal agent. Lawyers were a pain in my *&(^&%.
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No doubt. I confused you with a story I was reading, Similair problems and he was a lawyer. So sorry. Karen
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No worries. For a moment, you thought I was SMART!
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You are smart. You are a sucker for your females. I could come up and cure you of that. In a heart beat. Your ex wife and girls are grownups. You owe them nothing. Certainly not financially. You might think of moving to put distance between you. If you are still paying on vehicles stop. You owe your ex nothing.
Do you have more kids? :-)
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Yep. Two younger ones that adore me. Different mom obviously.
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So are you happily married now? Does she work? What ages? Nosey Nora wants to know.
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I am married. My wife is a real estate agent. My ex and daughters put an obvious stress into the matrix. 11 and 9.
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Cherish this family and spend no more money on the others, They appreciate nothing. And this family needs you. Be present with this family. :-)
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My mom calls that ?going where you are celebrated.?
Really does not seem like they left me much choice anyways.
Thanks for being such a dear friend.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I feel terrible for you.
I hope that any 'advice' given you does not involve going back in time and doing things differently. Or 'hindsight' counsel.
Sorry, but long hours at work does not justify cheating. Do all truckers deserve being cheated on? Or military servicemen sent overseas?
and having j Ives pulled on... - I'm unfamiliar with this expression.
A few months months before I retired, - oops
I hope and pray for God's peace to overwhelm you.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I feel terrible for you.
I hope that any 'advice' given you does not involve going back in time and doing things differently. Or 'hindsight' counsel.
Sorry, but long hours at work does not justify cheating. Do all truckers deserve being cheated on? Or military servicemen sent overseas?
and having j Ives pulled on... - I'm unfamiliar with this expression.
A few months months before I retired, - oops
I hope and pray for God's peace to overwhelm you.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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You are wise, Wayne. I just can not fix this if it is one-sided.
Comment from Sally Law
Your friend, Sally, weighing in.
First, and most importantly, you must focus on yourself. Your brokeness and all the crap leveled on you. You are a good man! Those lies about you have circled like dive bombers and hit you square on. Time to take refuge in the Lord and heal. While there, He will give you as plan of action with your daughters and ex-wife. Unfortunately, they have believed a lie about you. You must first heal yourself so you can deal with them without going over the cliff.
I wish I had a dad that had sent me a birthday card, LOL!
Bible Verses for you: Say them, Claim Them!
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind."
Psalm 18: 2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
James 5:16- ... The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Pray for your ex-wife and girls daily. Their hearts are hardened. I'm praying too, all the above for you. Mostly remember, take care of yourself first before proceeding. Get with a friend or pastor you trust to pray with you.
My best in everything.
Sal Xos
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Your friend, Sally, weighing in.
First, and most importantly, you must focus on yourself. Your brokeness and all the crap leveled on you. You are a good man! Those lies about you have circled like dive bombers and hit you square on. Time to take refuge in the Lord and heal. While there, He will give you as plan of action with your daughters and ex-wife. Unfortunately, they have believed a lie about you. You must first heal yourself so you can deal with them without going over the cliff.
I wish I had a dad that had sent me a birthday card, LOL!
Bible Verses for you: Say them, Claim Them!
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind."
Psalm 18: 2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
James 5:16- ... The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Pray for your ex-wife and girls daily. Their hearts are hardened. I'm praying too, all the above for you. Mostly remember, take care of yourself first before proceeding. Get with a friend or pastor you trust to pray with you.
My best in everything.
Sal Xos
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Sound sage advice, Sally. You are such a supportive friend. Thank you for that. It has been a stretch. Those verses are great by the way.
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You are so welcome. I'm glad if any of my advice helped. Scripture always helps and is a MIGHTY SPIRITUAL WEAPON in overcoming the enemy of life who seeks to destroy you. Your battle in not against flesh and blood but the evil one. He hates the scriptures because it's truth and contains God's mighty power. Even Jesus used it against Him in the desert. Anyway, I'm rooting for you and praying always.
Sal :))
Comment from karenina
Let go of shame. You have done nothing to bear that label.
Let go of regret. You have, in every circumstance, stepped up and put your daughters first...
Never belittling their mother, supporting them beyond all expectations, enduring lies told to create this chasm between you...
Loving fathers are sad when they are estranged from their children.
And angry at the unfairness.
And stressed.
A wise pastor once told me that when people give conditions, such as:
"there will be no reconciliation until I seek them out and apologize."--
What they are really doing subconsciously is leaving the reconciliation key under the mat...
Nothing will ever or could ever stop you from loving them.
Right?
How many times would you dive into the ocean to rescue them?
They are drowning in lies fed to them to alienate you.
Apologize!
Tell them by phone, text, letter, smoke signals how sorry you are that they feel betrayed... That they perceive you as having failed them.
(You are not pleading guilty...you are affirming that you see they are hurting)
Love them.
Forgive them.
Say you are sorry for every dawning day you are missing as father/daughter...
Is this not the truth?
Keep trying that relationship key...
They've been broken too, and those cracks have sharp edges that wear down in time.
Leonard Cohen has a song called Anthem.
The chorus of which has gotten me through many a dark night of the soul.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything-
That's how the light gets in"
We 're all broken.
Ask God to soften their hearts.
Nothing is hopeless that is framed in faith.
"That's how the light gets in!"
I'll be praying if you'll be gentle to yourself.
Deal?
Karenina
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Let go of shame. You have done nothing to bear that label.
Let go of regret. You have, in every circumstance, stepped up and put your daughters first...
Never belittling their mother, supporting them beyond all expectations, enduring lies told to create this chasm between you...
Loving fathers are sad when they are estranged from their children.
And angry at the unfairness.
And stressed.
A wise pastor once told me that when people give conditions, such as:
"there will be no reconciliation until I seek them out and apologize."--
What they are really doing subconsciously is leaving the reconciliation key under the mat...
Nothing will ever or could ever stop you from loving them.
Right?
How many times would you dive into the ocean to rescue them?
They are drowning in lies fed to them to alienate you.
Apologize!
Tell them by phone, text, letter, smoke signals how sorry you are that they feel betrayed... That they perceive you as having failed them.
(You are not pleading guilty...you are affirming that you see they are hurting)
Love them.
Forgive them.
Say you are sorry for every dawning day you are missing as father/daughter...
Is this not the truth?
Keep trying that relationship key...
They've been broken too, and those cracks have sharp edges that wear down in time.
Leonard Cohen has a song called Anthem.
The chorus of which has gotten me through many a dark night of the soul.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything-
That's how the light gets in"
We 're all broken.
Ask God to soften their hearts.
Nothing is hopeless that is framed in faith.
"That's how the light gets in!"
I'll be praying if you'll be gentle to yourself.
Deal?
Karenina
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Deal. You are right on so many levels. Wise and sage. I can not see the light at the end of the table, but maybe that is okay for now?
Douglas
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"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness." Desmond Tutu
Hold on, Douglas.
If God guides our path, surely, we will reach a good place!
Comment from Julie Helms
This is definitely a heartfelt, intensely honest post.
You ask for advice on how to fix this. I don't have the answer to that, but I can share one thing I learned.
I had an aunt who I idolized. We understood each other like no one else ever had. We traveled Europe together. Then a bunch of shit hit the fan in my family (but I was not involved on either side--I was away at college). And she turned around and sued ME for $3billion, with a b. The court threw the case out as ridiculous. I was confused, hurt, angry, seething, you name it.
Fast forward 25 years, the only thing I could do was forgive her so that I would not choke on the bitterness.
Has the situation resolved? No. She's estranged from the entire family by her choice. I am sad at the loss of the relationship, sad that someone who was my favorite person doesn't even know I have kids, and they now have kids.
But forgiveness is absolutely essential. Even if, or especially if, they don't ask for it or want it. It's for you, your mental well being and physical health.
It's also a process. I needed to do it over and over, till I had really done it. And it is done, and I am free of the cancer the festering causes in the soul. Please go look at my portfolio at a Lune I wrote a few days ago called Self-inflicted Misery. It was this situation I wrote about.
You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. If you keep yourself in a loving mindset toward your daughters (which will only happen with a forgiving spirit) and keep on your knees in prayer, that is everything you can do.
My best to you always, Douglas.
Julie
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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This is definitely a heartfelt, intensely honest post.
You ask for advice on how to fix this. I don't have the answer to that, but I can share one thing I learned.
I had an aunt who I idolized. We understood each other like no one else ever had. We traveled Europe together. Then a bunch of shit hit the fan in my family (but I was not involved on either side--I was away at college). And she turned around and sued ME for $3billion, with a b. The court threw the case out as ridiculous. I was confused, hurt, angry, seething, you name it.
Fast forward 25 years, the only thing I could do was forgive her so that I would not choke on the bitterness.
Has the situation resolved? No. She's estranged from the entire family by her choice. I am sad at the loss of the relationship, sad that someone who was my favorite person doesn't even know I have kids, and they now have kids.
But forgiveness is absolutely essential. Even if, or especially if, they don't ask for it or want it. It's for you, your mental well being and physical health.
It's also a process. I needed to do it over and over, till I had really done it. And it is done, and I am free of the cancer the festering causes in the soul. Please go look at my portfolio at a Lune I wrote a few days ago called Self-inflicted Misery. It was this situation I wrote about.
You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. If you keep yourself in a loving mindset toward your daughters (which will only happen with a forgiving spirit) and keep on your knees in prayer, that is everything you can do.
My best to you always, Douglas.
Julie
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Julie. Sorry about your aunt. The longer this goes, I feel the less likely it resolves.
Comment from tfawcus
I imagine their is some therapeutic benefit in writing a piece like this, laying bare your emotions, and there's considerable bravery in doing so in public. You could use such experiences to craft a compelling piece of romance fiction if you had a mind to.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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I imagine their is some therapeutic benefit in writing a piece like this, laying bare your emotions, and there's considerable bravery in doing so in public. You could use such experiences to craft a compelling piece of romance fiction if you had a mind to.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024
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I?m not quite there yet, but yes, there is a huge release writing about it.
Thank you. You
