American Wonder
Zip poem entry for Potlatch Club see notes28 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
Hi Joan, there are so many beautiful
wonders of the world my sweet friend...
and this is one of them...the Grand Canyon...
I can just imagine it streaming water...
I love your poem sweet girl...very well written...
and I love the picture...love you...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Hi Joan, there are so many beautiful
wonders of the world my sweet friend...
and this is one of them...the Grand Canyon...
I can just imagine it streaming water...
I love your poem sweet girl...very well written...
and I love the picture...love you...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Hi Linda,
Thanks for the nice review and all the stars.
Joan
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Hi Joan, you my sweet friend are
so very welcome...love xxoo
Comment from SimianSavant
**revised up after edits made**
Neat picture of the Grand Canyon. This has potential, and I'll try to offer some tangible tips to improve it:
-"Awe" is a noun, therefore, it does not function as an adjective of "chasm" unless you bind it to the word "inspiring" as a hyphenation (awe-inspiring chasm)
-You have no caps on the start of the first line, but a capital starting the second line. There doesn't seem to be an apparent reason for this, so it just comes off as sloppy. Alternate suggestion: caps starting first line only, caps staring both lines, or no caps at all.
-You have this nice big picture, but no attention to the presentation of the text. I highly suggest making use of the advanced editor to increase the font size to a minimum of 18px, and consider picking a more interesting font than the default one.
-It was a bit confusing to me, not having seen the Grand Canyon in real life, how the canyon is "jailing its watery creator", since there is no apparent water in your picture. I looked it up and saw that the Canyon was not created by glaciers as I would have guessed, but by YHWH roughly 6,024 years ago. Just kidding, I meant the Colorado River. Since there seems to still be a river that cuts through the Grand Canyon, if you were to pick a picture that includes that river, your piece would make a lot more sense to a dumbass like me who doesn't know that much about geology.
Since I think you can make this better, I gave it a four. But message me back if you make some of those changes and I'll happily bump it up.
Thanks for the read, and for the history lesson,
SS
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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**revised up after edits made**
Neat picture of the Grand Canyon. This has potential, and I'll try to offer some tangible tips to improve it:
-"Awe" is a noun, therefore, it does not function as an adjective of "chasm" unless you bind it to the word "inspiring" as a hyphenation (awe-inspiring chasm)
-You have no caps on the start of the first line, but a capital starting the second line. There doesn't seem to be an apparent reason for this, so it just comes off as sloppy. Alternate suggestion: caps starting first line only, caps staring both lines, or no caps at all.
-You have this nice big picture, but no attention to the presentation of the text. I highly suggest making use of the advanced editor to increase the font size to a minimum of 18px, and consider picking a more interesting font than the default one.
-It was a bit confusing to me, not having seen the Grand Canyon in real life, how the canyon is "jailing its watery creator", since there is no apparent water in your picture. I looked it up and saw that the Canyon was not created by glaciers as I would have guessed, but by YHWH roughly 6,024 years ago. Just kidding, I meant the Colorado River. Since there seems to still be a river that cuts through the Grand Canyon, if you were to pick a picture that includes that river, your piece would make a lot more sense to a dumbass like me who doesn't know that much about geology.
Since I think you can make this better, I gave it a four. But message me back if you make some of those changes and I'll happily bump it up.
Thanks for the read, and for the history lesson,
SS
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Hi Simian,
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Joan
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Joan, sorry if I came off as flippant when I was writing this! I wrote it really fast and didn't mean to be rude, which when rereading this it sounds that way. SS
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I saw you edited it, and I have revised up the rating! 🦍
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Thanks for rereading and changing the rating.
Joan
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Your apology is accepted. Thanks again for taking the time to reread this.
Joan
Comment from Sallyo
Grand two-liner! It lacks the double space in each line, but I suspect that was Evil Eddie's fault. Sometimes the only way I can get poems to sit properly is to print them ON the photo then upload the whole thing. The picture shows exactly where the poem is coming from, but I think I'd have got it, all the same
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Grand two-liner! It lacks the double space in each line, but I suspect that was Evil Eddie's fault. Sometimes the only way I can get poems to sit properly is to print them ON the photo then upload the whole thing. The picture shows exactly where the poem is coming from, but I think I'd have got it, all the same
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Hi Sally,
Thanks for the nice comments and the five stars. I will check out the spacing.
Joan
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Wow, what a beautiful picture. Is this in Arizona? My son went there and the picture looks like one of his. I like tge words. Watery creator. Very good job on this
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Wow, what a beautiful picture. Is this in Arizona? My son went there and the picture looks like one of his. I like tge words. Watery creator. Very good job on this
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Brenda, for the kind words.
Joan
Comment from Dimzdale1
Good morning! I just woke up to study what artistry looks like and ...do you know how people just look at something and simply say "I like it?" Though your words restrain there is depth within and "I like it."
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Good morning! I just woke up to study what artistry looks like and ...do you know how people just look at something and simply say "I like it?" Though your words restrain there is depth within and "I like it."
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your kind comments. I am glad you like it.
Joan
Comment from shelley kaye
how about flipping the first line a bit? just a thought! ;)
awe-inspiring . . . a chasm
Jailing . . . its watery creator
a grand zip!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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how about flipping the first line a bit? just a thought! ;)
awe-inspiring . . . a chasm
Jailing . . . its watery creator
a grand zip!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Hi Shelley,
Thanks for reading. I might make the change.
Joan
Comment from royowen
O yes indeed, that looks to me like it's the Grand Canyon, and the source of its maker would have to be the water that once coursed through there, great post Joan, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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O yes indeed, that looks to me like it's the Grand Canyon, and the source of its maker would have to be the water that once coursed through there, great post Joan, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Roy, for review and all the stars. Both are much appreciated.
Joan
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Most welcome
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fine post Joan, full of picturesque scenes and hidden joys, a magical post to tempt our imagination and satisfy our curiosity here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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A fine post Joan, full of picturesque scenes and hidden joys, a magical post to tempt our imagination and satisfy our curiosity here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Dolly, for the nice comments.
Joan
