Almost Home
The bus ride that never ends.36 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
Although I served in the US Air Force for four years during the Vietnam Era, I did not see any combat. I was stationed on the island of Okinawa for eighteen months, and shipped out at the end of that assignment to serve the remainder of my time in North Dakota. I can relate to the soldier in this fine story in that I do understand the agony of waiting while agonizing over what will the next chapter look and feel like. Integrating myself into life as a civilian was easy because I did not have to battle the experience of combat, especially in a place like Vietnam.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Although I served in the US Air Force for four years during the Vietnam Era, I did not see any combat. I was stationed on the island of Okinawa for eighteen months, and shipped out at the end of that assignment to serve the remainder of my time in North Dakota. I can relate to the soldier in this fine story in that I do understand the agony of waiting while agonizing over what will the next chapter look and feel like. Integrating myself into life as a civilian was easy because I did not have to battle the experience of combat, especially in a place like Vietnam.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Thanks, nomi, for your review and understanding. I'm sure as a veteran you have faced your own battles with honor. I'm sure you have faced your own demons, and it sounds like you have come out of those struggles a better person. It's a pleasure to have met you here on FS.
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Yes, I was stationed at a missile site during the Cuban Missile crisis. I stood on a cake of ice for 12 hours during the assassination of JFK. In each situation I did not have a clue as to whether I along with my colleagues would be ordered into combat. Even though it did not happen we were always aware that it could very well happen at any moment.
Comment from lancellot
This is very descriptive and you a great job sowing in that somber mood on the bus. You give contrast from Nam and being 'Home'. The reader gets insight into John, and a look at his thoughts. But, I think it could benefit from more showing and interaction. The narration is good.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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This is very descriptive and you a great job sowing in that somber mood on the bus. You give contrast from Nam and being 'Home'. The reader gets insight into John, and a look at his thoughts. But, I think it could benefit from more showing and interaction. The narration is good.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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Thanks Lance, the inaction was the interaction. Consider two men in a prison cell for a year, then they are released to ride a bus home. What is there to say, they haven't said already. The bus is now a place of vespers, it could have been a coffin.
Comment from irishauthorme
Yeah OK, you pinned it on this one.
athere wasx also the shock of returning to a way of life we had forgotten.
Hippies on the Golden Gate Bridge dropping bags of feces down on our ship as we steamed under. Protesters at the dock when we tied up.
Surging crowds as we attempted to pass through the gate onto the street and catch a cab or a bus to the Greyhound bus depot, or for the more fortunate, the airport.
Gone were all the boot camp incentives fro flag, country and personal glory, we just wanted to go home.
Good work.
Cheers,
irish
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Yeah OK, you pinned it on this one.
athere wasx also the shock of returning to a way of life we had forgotten.
Hippies on the Golden Gate Bridge dropping bags of feces down on our ship as we steamed under. Protesters at the dock when we tied up.
Surging crowds as we attempted to pass through the gate onto the street and catch a cab or a bus to the Greyhound bus depot, or for the more fortunate, the airport.
Gone were all the boot camp incentives fro flag, country and personal glory, we just wanted to go home.
Good work.
Cheers,
irish
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Irish, you made it home!
Comment from karenina
Stunningly stark, intense, emotional work. Your writing is so well crafted I found myself lost in the moment, imagining the shattering numbness of the new assault of normalcy that we know became reality for our brave Vietnam Veterans.
This was the war of my generation. I've traced too many names on The Wall; remembering faces that through cruel fate would remain forever young. Every line is magic. Of particular impact, for me was this:
" They could not escape the equation emphasized on the big blackboard of life; humidity squared and divided by jungle green to the earth's red power and multiplied by the shed blood of America's soldiers equaled minus ten on the binary scale."
Thank you. Thank you for exposing this festering sore to light. It has been along time healing. I'm not sure for many, healing is possible...
Surely deserving of six stars. I regret I have only five.
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Stunningly stark, intense, emotional work. Your writing is so well crafted I found myself lost in the moment, imagining the shattering numbness of the new assault of normalcy that we know became reality for our brave Vietnam Veterans.
This was the war of my generation. I've traced too many names on The Wall; remembering faces that through cruel fate would remain forever young. Every line is magic. Of particular impact, for me was this:
" They could not escape the equation emphasized on the big blackboard of life; humidity squared and divided by jungle green to the earth's red power and multiplied by the shed blood of America's soldiers equaled minus ten on the binary scale."
Thank you. Thank you for exposing this festering sore to light. It has been along time healing. I'm not sure for many, healing is possible...
Surely deserving of six stars. I regret I have only five.
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Karenina, for your compassion and insight. I'm not sure what else to say, except I am humbled the story effected you in the manner it did. I, and so many others, are still on that bus, "Almost Home." I'm sure, with the understanding of persons such as your self, we will make it. Rad.
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It is so cliche to thank you for your service...but I truly, humbly, do thank you, sir.
Karenina
Comment from Tpa
It was privilege to read such a emotioinal story of the internal and physical conflict the military had during the V WAR and how they were treated upon their return. You gave such an intensity to your writing. Accolades for the service you gave to the country.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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It was privilege to read such a emotioinal story of the internal and physical conflict the military had during the V WAR and how they were treated upon their return. You gave such an intensity to your writing. Accolades for the service you gave to the country.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Tpa, for the generous review and understanding. Rad.
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've expressed the deep emotions of John and the other men very well in this story, Yardier. It's hard to imagine what this war did to the men and women who served. Very well written.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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You've expressed the deep emotions of John and the other men very well in this story, Yardier. It's hard to imagine what this war did to the men and women who served. Very well written.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thank you Judy, your understanding lifts the heart of veterans.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is a powerful piece of writing. To put it bluntly, it's gut-wrenching to have insight into the thoughts of John and understand that these were likely the thoughts and experiences of many returning soldiers. I won't even pretend I can imagine it. I am heartily sorry for the treatment and lack of respect and welcome those men received upon returning home. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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This is a powerful piece of writing. To put it bluntly, it's gut-wrenching to have insight into the thoughts of John and understand that these were likely the thoughts and experiences of many returning soldiers. I won't even pretend I can imagine it. I am heartily sorry for the treatment and lack of respect and welcome those men received upon returning home. Excellent work.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thank you Mary. There were so many things wrong with the VN war but the worst was rejection. I am encouraged with the country's rebound to respect our warriors. Thanks again for your insight and review.
Comment from royowen
I guess like being in a foreign place at an unfamiliar time, is very harrowing when it becomes normal and executable, almost humdrum of same old, same old. It's a little like that with this pandemic, and becomes almost obsessive and normal, but it ain't, like this great little piece. You are good in the mind of this character, but I suspect you've been there. Beautifully written my friend, excellent post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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I guess like being in a foreign place at an unfamiliar time, is very harrowing when it becomes normal and executable, almost humdrum of same old, same old. It's a little like that with this pandemic, and becomes almost obsessive and normal, but it ain't, like this great little piece. You are good in the mind of this character, but I suspect you've been there. Beautifully written my friend, excellent post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thanks Ray, yes, I'm in 'John's mind all of the time and he in mine. There's no where to go, so might as well write about it. Radier
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That?s true
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing. I really hope you're compiling all these stories for book of short stories. I would buy it so would others.
Today they were back in the world in an air-conditioned bus. (I'm surprised buses were air-conditioned back then.)
shuffling soldiers quietly stowed their duffle bags overhead then sat down blending into the darkness. (you can omit 'down' it's not needed)
Wanting to sit alone, some soldiers had to face the fact that they would have to sit next to somebody they didn't know, but brothers, (you can omit 'that' it's not needed & 'sit beside' has to deal with definition)
He sat down next to John with the duffle bag on his lap and held it to his chest as if it were a small child. you can omit 'down' it's not needed & 'sit beside' has to deal with definition)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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Thank you for sharing. I really hope you're compiling all these stories for book of short stories. I would buy it so would others.
Today they were back in the world in an air-conditioned bus. (I'm surprised buses were air-conditioned back then.)
shuffling soldiers quietly stowed their duffle bags overhead then sat down blending into the darkness. (you can omit 'down' it's not needed)
Wanting to sit alone, some soldiers had to face the fact that they would have to sit next to somebody they didn't know, but brothers, (you can omit 'that' it's not needed & 'sit beside' has to deal with definition)
He sat down next to John with the duffle bag on his lap and held it to his chest as if it were a small child. you can omit 'down' it's not needed & 'sit beside' has to deal with definition)
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2021
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Barbara, thank you for your supportive and constructive review. If I haven't said it before, your critical eye and sharing heart encourages me to continue to write truthfully.
Yes, I am compiling and polishing many stories for an expected book. While success of such an endeavor is daunting, you along with other FS writers are helping me step-up my game.
As for the AC on the bus - The bus from Oakland Over-Seas replacement station to Travis Air Base to fly to Vietnam was an old rickety green school bus type. (no AC)
Returning from VN from Travis Air base to SF International was on a Greyhound with AC and toilet.
Thanks again. Radier
Comment from Ric Myworld
Nobody can ever really know how it feels unless they've been there. And once they've been there, I'm sure that many of those feelings are unforgettable and resurface with regularity. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Nobody can ever really know how it feels unless they've been there. And once they've been there, I'm sure that many of those feelings are unforgettable and resurface with regularity. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2021
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Thanks Rick, don't sweat the six. I don't write for the number, I write to get things off my chest, and in so doing I write with truth. The measure of success, to me anyway, is when a reader acknowledges the veracity and reality of the prose. You are one such barometer. I mean that in a good way. Radier
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As my friend Sam Shepard, the actor, author, and playwright, always said, the difference in good and bad writing is honesty. A writer who lays it all out there, the good, bad, the personal, and embarrassing. And you do it as well as anyone I've read!