Nature flaunts...
Strutting.28 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
I love the colors in the artwork, and wish we'd see such beautiful autumn colors here. Often the weather prevents us from getting the colorful foliage. Flaunts and struts are excellent action words. They reflect how a model walks to show off her attire. Autumn is strutting her colors, so to speak. Wonderful last line to think about--leaves falling signify death and the coming of winter. Very lovely, and best of luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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I love the colors in the artwork, and wish we'd see such beautiful autumn colors here. Often the weather prevents us from getting the colorful foliage. Flaunts and struts are excellent action words. They reflect how a model walks to show off her attire. Autumn is strutting her colors, so to speak. Wonderful last line to think about--leaves falling signify death and the coming of winter. Very lovely, and best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thanks Judi , for these wise words and a super review, blessings, Roy
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You're very welcome. Lovely depiction of fall color. judi
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Roy,
I enjoyed your haiku. Your two descriptive lines set the stage beautifully. Your aha line has me nodding my head in agreement. Death to the season, to the leaves, and on so many levels. You definitely referenced a season. Best wishes in the contest.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Hi Roy,
I enjoyed your haiku. Your two descriptive lines set the stage beautifully. Your aha line has me nodding my head in agreement. Death to the season, to the leaves, and on so many levels. You definitely referenced a season. Best wishes in the contest.
Joy xx
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thanks Joy, for these delightful words and a supportive review, blessings, Roy
Comment from robina1978
A lovely photo that you probably made yourself. It complements your tiny poem perfectly. As it is a Haiku I think you should call it Haiku (autumn flaunts her wares) If you make the change you might have a winner.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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A lovely photo that you probably made yourself. It complements your tiny poem perfectly. As it is a Haiku I think you should call it Haiku (autumn flaunts her wares) If you make the change you might have a winner.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thanks , for these delightful words and a supportive review, thank you for the suggestion blessings, Roy
Comment from rama devi
Superb personification. Superb irony in the closing satori. Excellent word economy, but it could be improved by tightening line two and not repeating HER twice.
her beauty struts the cat walk
could be rephrased to not use filler words.
Also, I recommend deleting the period at the end. Haiku does not use them.
Example rephrasing:
autumn flaunts her wares
in beautiful cat walk strut
death's celebration
Love the closing line...it would nudge this to a six but I think it still needs fine tuning.
Good luck, my friend.
Blessings,
rd
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Superb personification. Superb irony in the closing satori. Excellent word economy, but it could be improved by tightening line two and not repeating HER twice.
her beauty struts the cat walk
could be rephrased to not use filler words.
Also, I recommend deleting the period at the end. Haiku does not use them.
Example rephrasing:
autumn flaunts her wares
in beautiful cat walk strut
death's celebration
Love the closing line...it would nudge this to a six but I think it still needs fine tuning.
Good luck, my friend.
Blessings,
rd
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2018
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Thanks Dear RD, , for these delightful suggestion, words and a supportive review, blessings, Roy
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:-)))
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Well written haiku Roy. Your message comes across clearly and I like your satori very much. Well thought out. Good use of metaphor in line two. As lines one and two should interconnect would line two, first word 'her' changed to 'as' help in this regard. Just a thought on a good entry for the contest, well done, regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Well written haiku Roy. Your message comes across clearly and I like your satori very much. Well thought out. Good use of metaphor in line two. As lines one and two should interconnect would line two, first word 'her' changed to 'as' help in this regard. Just a thought on a good entry for the contest, well done, regards Dorothy
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks, for these delightful words and a supportive review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Sasha
You have done a marvelous job with this Haiku entry. The first two lines connect perfectly and I just love the satori. This should be a top contender and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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You have done a marvelous job with this Haiku entry. The first two lines connect perfectly and I just love the satori. This should be a top contender and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks Sasha, for these delightful words and a supportive review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Dashjianta
The opening lines of your poem capture the colour and flare of nature in autumn, with the colours turning and the late blooms giving a final flourish, and all of it in prelude to the shedding of leaves before the coming winter--a type of death, as you say in the last line. Although it's also a preparation for new life, as it will decompose into the soil and provide nutrition for spring's growth.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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The opening lines of your poem capture the colour and flare of nature in autumn, with the colours turning and the late blooms giving a final flourish, and all of it in prelude to the shedding of leaves before the coming winter--a type of death, as you say in the last line. Although it's also a preparation for new life, as it will decompose into the soil and provide nutrition for spring's growth.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks, for these delightful words and a supportive review, the circle life blessings, Roy
Comment from Debbie Pope
Wow! That photo takes my breath away. I love autumn more than spring, I think. About your poem, I would definitely give it a six if I had one. If it does not win the haiku contest, something is wrong with the judges. Just gorgeous.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Wow! That photo takes my breath away. I love autumn more than spring, I think. About your poem, I would definitely give it a six if I had one. If it does not win the haiku contest, something is wrong with the judges. Just gorgeous.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks Debnie, for these supportive words and review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There is some sadness in your words, but also a celebration of colour and the final show before leaves turn brown and die, touching words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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There is some sadness in your words, but also a celebration of colour and the final show before leaves turn brown and die, touching words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks Dolly, for these delightful words and a supportive review, blessings, Roy
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Beautiful haiku, Roy. You are expanding your horizons with a haiku and doing so marvelously well. Best wishes in the contest. Have a wonderful evening, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Beautiful haiku, Roy. You are expanding your horizons with a haiku and doing so marvelously well. Best wishes in the contest. Have a wonderful evening, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2018
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Thanks Debbie, for these delightful words and review, blessings, Roy
