Tanka Waka
Viewing comments for Prologue "tanka (in hot summer nights)"A collection of Japanese short poetry
22 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Hon. greetings, Gypsy;
-this tanka form is surely written in the typical 5/7/5/7/7 syllabic format and is romantically related in a sensual manner that reflects the love from one to another.
-The first and last two lines are dramatically connected and held together by the pivot line which is "with deep hungry dreams" which subsequently dramatically holds together these first and last two lines that are full of imagery that is discreetly and definitively expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
-This is a good example of a true tanka in the composition with the pictures ultimately gives this in the exceptional addition to the tanka form.
-Thank you very much, Gypsy, and do take care and have a good one where and when you can find it in your heart and your soul.
Alex
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hon. greetings, Gypsy;
-this tanka form is surely written in the typical 5/7/5/7/7 syllabic format and is romantically related in a sensual manner that reflects the love from one to another.
-The first and last two lines are dramatically connected and held together by the pivot line which is "with deep hungry dreams" which subsequently dramatically holds together these first and last two lines that are full of imagery that is discreetly and definitively expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive.
-This is a good example of a true tanka in the composition with the pictures ultimately gives this in the exceptional addition to the tanka form.
-Thank you very much, Gypsy, and do take care and have a good one where and when you can find it in your heart and your soul.
Alex
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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thank you, Alex :)
Comment from Grasshopper2
Haikuist-Sensei,
Steamy, sensual, and has the lingering aroma of the influence of Yosano Akiko. Well written.
This tanka poem is elevated to the Old Japan level. It achieves a sensitivity of feelings and nature expressed sublimely. I really like this one. It needs to be in the HCCB.
Michael
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Haikuist-Sensei,
Steamy, sensual, and has the lingering aroma of the influence of Yosano Akiko. Well written.
This tanka poem is elevated to the Old Japan level. It achieves a sensitivity of feelings and nature expressed sublimely. I really like this one. It needs to be in the HCCB.
Michael
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2017
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Hello, Michael, I would love to add it but we are only writing haiku for the book.
I was thinking about starting a Lover's Tanka book. What do you think? Girls would write the first 3 lines (haiku) and the boys would answer with the last 2 lines. Doesn't that sound like fun? It would be for 'pretend lovers', of course, and it would not be as hot as mine, LOL, it would be milder tanka. You already have your pretty lady at home. Anyone could do write them and challenge anyone to follow. I guess it would be up to the girls to ask. I don't think women on fanstory would do it but it would be a fun game and book. ...... just an idea .... :)
Thank you for the kind words and the shiny stars... :)
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No on the new tanka book concept for me. Too slippery a slope for mere mortals.
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hahaha.... I was just kidding... it is that Spanish humor, not everyone gets it. :)
Comment from DR DIP
Wow this is rather saucy, I like it!! great metaphors
"Sticky sheets truly drained in our deep burning passion" wow the sexual mind wanders across the page lol
thanks for sharing your romantic/sexual mind
dip
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Wow this is rather saucy, I like it!! great metaphors
"Sticky sheets truly drained in our deep burning passion" wow the sexual mind wanders across the page lol
thanks for sharing your romantic/sexual mind
dip
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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LoL I am glad you like it, my friend. How come you gave me four stars? Four stars mean something is wrong and needs to be corrected. Would you let me know what? Thank you :)
gypsy
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huh Shit I never realized I did so sorry I will change it now
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no worries, I figured that is what happened because you said you liked it. I've done that before. :)
Comment from Lu Saluna
Ok let me turn on my fan first, it got a little hot in here all of a sudden :-))
This is a very beautiful tanka. It ver much reminds me of the style of tanka writing of Yosana Akiko.
Full of sensuality and passion, steaming with love.
A very lucky guy indeed!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Ok let me turn on my fan first, it got a little hot in here all of a sudden :-))
This is a very beautiful tanka. It ver much reminds me of the style of tanka writing of Yosana Akiko.
Full of sensuality and passion, steaming with love.
A very lucky guy indeed!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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LOL Thank you, sweetie pie, and extra grateful for the generous sixth star :)
fat buddha hugs
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi GBR,
This is such a lovely dedicated to tanka to your loved one. I am sure when he reads this he will be delighted with those sweet tender words.
Well done.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Hi GBR,
This is such a lovely dedicated to tanka to your loved one. I am sure when he reads this he will be delighted with those sweet tender words.
Well done.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Gypsy
Terrific lovers-tanka. I'd offer just one suggestion... change or omit one of these words,
"with (deep) hungry dreams"
"in our (deep) burning passion"
Keep writing these delightful short poems.
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Hi Gypsy
Terrific lovers-tanka. I'd offer just one suggestion... change or omit one of these words,
"with (deep) hungry dreams"
"in our (deep) burning passion"
Keep writing these delightful short poems.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
Comment from Douglas Paul
Very romantic and very well constructed. This one reminds of how the masters used Tanka to communicate with lovers. You did a great job on this
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Very romantic and very well constructed. This one reminds of how the masters used Tanka to communicate with lovers. You did a great job on this
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Douglas :) You are very kind.
Comment from winnona
A beautiful poem for your love. The well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message for the reader and of course the person it was written for.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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A beautiful poem for your love. The well-chosen words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message for the reader and of course the person it was written for.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
Comment from Sasha
This is marvelous and beautifully written. My only complaint is, I wish you described the different between the regular Tanks and the ancient Japanese Imperial Court style. I am sure yur eternal beloved will enjoy this one. I know I did.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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This is marvelous and beautifully written. My only complaint is, I wish you described the different between the regular Tanks and the ancient Japanese Imperial Court style. I am sure yur eternal beloved will enjoy this one. I know I did.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Sasha. Good suggestion. :)
Comment from Laidy
I loved this heart felt poem. The love that comes through is so deep and everlasting. A true honour to the dedicated. Loved reading.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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I loved this heart felt poem. The love that comes through is so deep and everlasting. A true honour to the dedicated. Loved reading.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
