Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

Rhonda, I'm glad I have one six left for this. You have found a superb premise for an exciting story, and a good drama as well. It's one of the best novels I have seen here on FS. :)

 Comment Written 22-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Wow, Phyllis, thank you so much! Coming from you, I take that as a great compliment! I, also, appreciate the six stars. How very sweet!
Have a wonderful Christmas,
Rhonda

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 22-Dec-2016

How did this wonderful idea come to you?

reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

At one time, I was a prolific writer. I could write and publish a 100,000 word book in two months. I just flowed with creativity. And then life happened, and I slowed down, stopped, then started back up again. This was one of the ones I wrote during that period. The problem was, in my haste, I wasn't as careful about grammar, construction, and all that stuff I've learned on this site. I'm now going back to those books and rewriting so I can publish them again, and this time much cleaned up!
Thanks for asking, though I might have told more than you asked. But then again, I am quite wordy. lol.
Rhonda

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 22-Dec-2016

Good idea. I'm currently posting my first book, ISLAND, to find remaining errors and typos, after re-editing it several times on my own as I learned more here. I've done that to my second book, but just on my own. I'll spend most of new year editing the rest, so they'll be more polished. I could not have done it without FS. I, too, wrote straight thru, day and night. But after joining this site, I don't have the time, so I've switched to short stories. :)

reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

And I've thought about that for next year, too, but I want to get these two I'm working on ready to publish during next year. Go Team!!

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 22-Dec-2016

Gotcha. We're both smart, then. :)

Comment from emptypage

Exceptional

This story gets better and better. You really are quite good at this. You must know that, of course. It's just the English teacher/copy editor/writer in me that needs to say so. Have you published on your own or through a publisher? I've done a lot, but so far haven't tried self-publishing. I'm sort of afraid of it.

I'll be watching for the next installment. I hope Archie doesn't get caught, but I know it's too early for him to escape, so....

Great job.

 Comment Written 22-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thank you for the six star rating, especially this late in the week! I appreciate, even more, the wonderful remarks. How very kind!
I am self published, though I tried the "vanity" publishing as well. The problem is, I didn't really know what I was doing grammatically speaking. I'm revising through this site, and it's made a huge difference in quality. I hope to republish them, and the go for "real" publishers using the traditional routes.

These days, self publishing gets you noticed by publishers if you make a good go at it. I've done book signings and book tours, and it's lots of fun, but when I do it again, I feel I'll have a better product, and then you just push it. It's easier than it sounds.

I have my own publishing company, which gives me all the profit, and makes the small efforts I put into it worth it. I've published a few other people's books, but I don't have a head for business, so have opted for doing my own. I think that when I retire from teaching, I'll put the effort needed into publishing others and make a go of it, unless, of course, I get my own accepted by a major publisher, then I'll forget my own company.

Anyway, if you want more information, feel free to ask.

Rhonda

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Good drama in the dialog. Archie is a smart man who can have the full spectrum of emotions and still speak amiably with Ayala. I think the explanation of all the animal houses is too long or too much info all at once. Perhaps several of them could be introduced on a separate tour? I feel like I can't keep them all straight. I do like the build up of suspense and the comical element of learning from a TV show.

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

I realize I've stretched the discussion of the houses out a bit, and I have spread some of the discussion of them out over the last several chapters, but needed them all out front so I can move the story on a bit. That's why I listed the houses in the author's notes. I'm with you on it, and worried it would be long, but went with it.
Thanks for taking time to read!

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by lyenochka on 22-Dec-2016

Perhaps in the fanstory version, you could break up the chapter into two with one focused only on the houses with pictures or diagrams to go along with the conversation to break up the words? Just a thought. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Comment from mbroyles2

Exceptional

I'm really getting in to this story.
I like the 12 houses and the way she explains each one. I'm getting a sense how Hoke village operates and who might be potential allies for Archie.
Really good.
Michael

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thank you so much for the wonderful six star rating, Michael! I appreciate the comments as well. The people in Hokee are a bit different, but such is the fault of it's creator. I'm glad the explanation of the houses worked out. I was afraid it might have been a bit long.

Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from MelB

Excellent

This definitely has all the makings of a cult. Everything is controlled right down to having babies or not. It reminds me a little of the Holocaust with the no escaping part. I'm not sure what happens to them, but I was seeing them being shot down. Great dialogue and a very interesting story!

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments. Oppression is definitely the game, but Archie is a new player and not nearly so easily duped!!

Thanks for taking part, and for your support,
Rhonda

reply by MelB on 22-Dec-2016

Archie does seem aware of what is going on.

Comment from CEO2020

Excellent

"Why on Earth would you name a kin after rats?" Archie asked, "especially ones who care for your babies? I mean, what's more disgusting than a rat?"

"You don't love all animals?" Ayala asked, a sparkle in her eyes. "I'm shocked. So, in your theory, is it okay to love some animals and find others detestable?"

"Not really, it's just that rats carry disease and get into your food stores." Archie squirmed, trying to wiggle out of the hole he had just dug for himself."

Interesting discussion about animals. You raised some valid points. Hokee continues to be a very strange yet interesting place. I think the people see themselves as animals. Mice aren't allowed because rats don't like mice. A child is named after a rat. Maybe I'm over analyzing. But this is for sure - the writing is solid and the story is very interesting with top-notch dialogue.

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thank you so much for the comments and care taken to detail. You can never over analyze, but animals are key to this whole cult... more will come out on that later!

I appreciate the read and review, my friend.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from prettybluebirds

Excellent

Excellent. This is a highly enjoyable story. It holds my attention and I can't wait to read the next chapter. Write fast. LOL Very good work.

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thanks so much for your support. I can't promise to write fast right now as the Season is upon us, and so much cleaning and cooking lie ahead. Thank you for your encouragement!
Rhonda

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

I really enjoyed this chapter since you gave us a good look at how this village is organized and what the roles of the different groups are. You have created an interesting society as the basis of your story. I liked the ending too - makes me want to read what is coming next. This deserves a 6 but I am all out already this week. Merry Christmas, my friend.

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thank you, Douglas. I think we'll name one of the houses the Badger House, followed quickly by the Squirrel! Lol,
Thanks for your wonderful and supportive review. I appreciate the virtual 6! And now you see why I don't write Haiku's. Just not enough words. haha.

Take care, my friend,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I wonder what Archie's dad will do, finding his son's crashed car in the desert? Is he aware of this human experiment is going on? And is he party to it? I suspect not. It's funny but this I would be one of the many times attempted or written about endeavour, it never quite works, human are diverse by nature, not good at obedience, as the bible clearly states. God knows us well, that's why He's so gracious, a benevolent and loving God, completely selfless as we are not! Well done, great plot for a book though, well done, Rhonda, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Actually, Archie's dad won't find the car, because the people in the compound have hidden it. They will be looking for him, and he'll bring that up in the next chapter. Now whether or not his father knows is anyone's guess at this point.
You are completely right, only God can play God, and Archie is dead set on letting these people know that.
Thanks for your comments and for keeping up on both my books.

Have a wonderful Christmas,
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 22-Dec-2016

A great story Rhonda

Comment from Heidi M

Excellent

I like the fact that Archie is gathering information about his captors.
This is a well-placed sentence: 'It wasn't a big plan, but it was a beginning' because it lets us know there will be more to come.
It looks to me like you have thought this storyline through carefully.
My advice to Archie: hurry up and get the heck out of Dodge! He will have an interesting report to give the Senate or whatever subcommittee gave the okay for this 'project'.

 Comment Written 21-Dec-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2016

Thanks, Heidi, I guess there's nothing like personal research to give a report on. haha. I hadn't thought about it like that, though I'm sure he's working up quite a report to give someone! That is, if he can get out... but, of course, it wouldn't be much of a book if he doesn't at least try, right??

Thanks again,
Rhonda