Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "My Hero"Dawn of Chaos
63 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello TPAC,
Superman is my daughter's hero! (When she was little, she said she would marry him when she grew up. :))
Interesting piece in free verse. It reads more like prose, though.
Have a great weekend.
Sonali
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Hello TPAC,
Superman is my daughter's hero! (When she was little, she said she would marry him when she grew up. :))
Interesting piece in free verse. It reads more like prose, though.
Have a great weekend.
Sonali
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Prose is apparently my works written conveyances, poetic ?: interesting certainly. Thanking you for generous rate and warm thoughts despite its pits: revision have already been established. Glad you found interests.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
I like your idea about not being mortal, but loyal. That is a great quality to have. Your illustration fits nicely a dear poem that has a gentle and easy flow. I would recommend the poem to anyone.
Writing about a hero is a big undertaking and you succeeded.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I like your idea about not being mortal, but loyal. That is a great quality to have. Your illustration fits nicely a dear poem that has a gentle and easy flow. I would recommend the poem to anyone.
Writing about a hero is a big undertaking and you succeeded.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Pits are under revisions yet the theme will remain I thought a challenge for all to be: the super inside us. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon,
I read your writing with great interest. The Super Hero culture is certainly in vogue in today's pop culture. I must admit, I do enjoy some of the new super hero films. They provide great escape from stressful days.
So, I do like the spirit of what you're trying to say in your writing. However, I fail to find the piece poetic. In fact, it is really prose presented in 5 short paragraphs. Why do I suggest this? First, the lines do not utilize poetic techniques of metaphor, simile, meter or poetic prose, rhyme, etc.
There are numerous errors as it relates to punctuation and grammar. Lines and thoughts appear to be run-on. For example:
Let me tell about a hero, stripped clothes to be him, he was a writer; his daily job in life: a paper man.
Let me tell [you] about a hero [whom I admired. I ] stripped [off my [clothes in order to pretend] to be him. He was a [journalist for a big city paper.]
I would suggest you consider revising the piece and have it re-posted to the prose section. Tom can help you transfer it from poetry to prose if need be.
Respectfully,
Ray
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Good Afternoon,
I read your writing with great interest. The Super Hero culture is certainly in vogue in today's pop culture. I must admit, I do enjoy some of the new super hero films. They provide great escape from stressful days.
So, I do like the spirit of what you're trying to say in your writing. However, I fail to find the piece poetic. In fact, it is really prose presented in 5 short paragraphs. Why do I suggest this? First, the lines do not utilize poetic techniques of metaphor, simile, meter or poetic prose, rhyme, etc.
There are numerous errors as it relates to punctuation and grammar. Lines and thoughts appear to be run-on. For example:
Let me tell about a hero, stripped clothes to be him, he was a writer; his daily job in life: a paper man.
Let me tell [you] about a hero [whom I admired. I ] stripped [off my [clothes in order to pretend] to be him. He was a [journalist for a big city paper.]
I would suggest you consider revising the piece and have it re-posted to the prose section. Tom can help you transfer it from poetry to prose if need be.
Respectfully,
Ray
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Wonderful thoughts you suggest and you are right write was jacked but revisions have occurred to make read smooth and comprehensive. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed captivating considerations.
Comment from Lulube
I hope a lot of men read this, loyal, true to the core. lol well put. Loved the descriptions of this man in dual roles. both appeasing to me right now. good penning I enjoyed the read
lulube
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I hope a lot of men read this, loyal, true to the core. lol well put. Loved the descriptions of this man in dual roles. both appeasing to me right now. good penning I enjoyed the read
lulube
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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A good thought compelling to others in interests glad you were pleased: revisions have already cleared some pits. Too generous rate but live warm felt intents.
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welcome
lulube
Comment from brownies
Such heart went into this. I cannot tell if you are describing the character of Superman or the character of someone dear to you. Either way, I love the content.
Great job!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Such heart went into this. I cannot tell if you are describing the character of Superman or the character of someone dear to you. Either way, I love the content.
Great job!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Describing you and your nobility the one the Text states is within. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from poetsteve15
I kind of like it as I read it grew on me where I got into it very will done, I love the art work have with it. it goes very well with poem. Nice job.
keep up the good work . hope see more of your work here.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I kind of like it as I read it grew on me where I got into it very will done, I love the art work have with it. it goes very well with poem. Nice job.
keep up the good work . hope see more of your work here.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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The ideal seems to have generated an enormous response glad you found interests as well. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspirational views.
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your welcome GB
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your welcome GB
Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE
Must say first the gorgeous picture is catching, I think of the child and hero in us all. And, sadly I felt your poem captured how both of these characteristics can get lost in our `normal' fit in the business of life, roles we play; and therefore, expectations of self as well as of others: which again become divided into multiple contexts.
And, I guess, I may have enjoyed journeying with and from this, in very different context to that you gifted from. I thank you for insight, I alone need to enjoy. Blessings, Maureen*&*
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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Must say first the gorgeous picture is catching, I think of the child and hero in us all. And, sadly I felt your poem captured how both of these characteristics can get lost in our `normal' fit in the business of life, roles we play; and therefore, expectations of self as well as of others: which again become divided into multiple contexts.
And, I guess, I may have enjoyed journeying with and from this, in very different context to that you gifted from. I thank you for insight, I alone need to enjoy. Blessings, Maureen*&*
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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The picture was the heart, very touching the write has yet to reach that thought. A challenge for all to be super. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed views.
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Blessings TPAC, enjoy striving towards valued challenges! Maureen*&*
Comment from patcelaw
I like this very much. In real life i had a mild mannered Kent Clark, in my husband, but he was a superman in my eyes and in our daughters eyes. Patricia
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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I like this very much. In real life i had a mild mannered Kent Clark, in my husband, but he was a superman in my eyes and in our daughters eyes. Patricia
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2016
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We all are and to ourselves this consideration for justice. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed captivating comments.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A nice image.
-Thanks for the author notes.
-You have a good idea for showing what a hero is, someone who is loyal.
-You have some good ideas, but grammar gets in the way.
-A couple of suggestions are the following:
* Original: "a giant and a meek beloved: writer he's a common man."
Better: [a giant and meek, beloved writer; he's a common man]
* Original: "They save lives, dreams, truths, no noise heard about tasks; they do: a fighter and chaser of fear."
Better: [.....tasks they do, fighting fear]
* Original: "At work, no one who suspected him behind specs, he to them humble; he was gentle: mild manner stuff."
Better: [At work, no one suspected him behind specs; he was humble, gentle, and mild mannered]
-Keep working hard and try to use ideas you get to help your writing.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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-A nice image.
-Thanks for the author notes.
-You have a good idea for showing what a hero is, someone who is loyal.
-You have some good ideas, but grammar gets in the way.
-A couple of suggestions are the following:
* Original: "a giant and a meek beloved: writer he's a common man."
Better: [a giant and meek, beloved writer; he's a common man]
* Original: "They save lives, dreams, truths, no noise heard about tasks; they do: a fighter and chaser of fear."
Better: [.....tasks they do, fighting fear]
* Original: "At work, no one who suspected him behind specs, he to them humble; he was gentle: mild manner stuff."
Better: [At work, no one suspected him behind specs; he was humble, gentle, and mild mannered]
-Keep working hard and try to use ideas you get to help your writing.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Man I need to hire you, except I'm a bum, super, super shouts. Bang, bang, bang - you sir are a writer: I'm still on quest for mine. Thanking you for all.
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Thank you for your very enthusiastic reply. You are welcome for the review; you just keep writing and trying.
Comment from rspoet
You have a lot of great ideas in this poem. It has an interesting dual personality as Superman and regular person, Clark Kent. Switching between he and him can be confusing, so I suggest some changes for you to consider. Excellent poem. Superman was my favorite super hero.
Let me tell about my hero; he stripped clothes to be "him." He was a writer; he had a daily job in life: a [news]paper man.
Altered personality, he could bend steel, a giant. As the other type - a meek, beloved writer; he's a common man.
They didn't drink liquor, smoke or curse; no drugs, or pills and musk; humble: both lives - brave and true.
They save lives, dreams and some truths; no noise heard about tasks they do: a fighter and chaser of fear.
At work, no one suspected him. Behind specs, he seems humble to them; he was gentle and mild mannered.
As the other: he leaped over tall buildings, he'd run pass fast trains, fly beyond any aircraft, he'd even venture to space.
Rescue, a trademark of both. He is known as Kent, but suited as him, he's flaming red, starless blue.
If you seek a hero you to relate to, I suggest he who became him; remember Kent, his secret state.
Kent wasn't like us. He led a dual existence, a perfect man; no mere mortal, just loyal. He was Superman.
All suggest are, of course, up to you and only suggestions.
I enjoyed your adventure poem of Superman
He was and still is Super!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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You have a lot of great ideas in this poem. It has an interesting dual personality as Superman and regular person, Clark Kent. Switching between he and him can be confusing, so I suggest some changes for you to consider. Excellent poem. Superman was my favorite super hero.
Let me tell about my hero; he stripped clothes to be "him." He was a writer; he had a daily job in life: a [news]paper man.
Altered personality, he could bend steel, a giant. As the other type - a meek, beloved writer; he's a common man.
They didn't drink liquor, smoke or curse; no drugs, or pills and musk; humble: both lives - brave and true.
They save lives, dreams and some truths; no noise heard about tasks they do: a fighter and chaser of fear.
At work, no one suspected him. Behind specs, he seems humble to them; he was gentle and mild mannered.
As the other: he leaped over tall buildings, he'd run pass fast trains, fly beyond any aircraft, he'd even venture to space.
Rescue, a trademark of both. He is known as Kent, but suited as him, he's flaming red, starless blue.
If you seek a hero you to relate to, I suggest he who became him; remember Kent, his secret state.
Kent wasn't like us. He led a dual existence, a perfect man; no mere mortal, just loyal. He was Superman.
All suggest are, of course, up to you and only suggestions.
I enjoyed your adventure poem of Superman
He was and still is Super!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
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Beautiful revisions remarks and will take them into active considerations. Great reach from brethren on FS: strong advice. Thanking you for your generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
