Cowboy Attitudes
Old West - flash fiction (800-words)48 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
Now there's a scene from a thousand and one episodes. Stranger disturbs a sleeping nobody on a veranda along a dusty, western set. He argues with him, and for no damned good reason drills him with his six shooter. He replaces the dead man, and sets in for a good rest, only to set off the same scenario that got him there. Killer ending to a comic piece that started out ever so serious like. Excellent storytelling. Only one thing bothers me. How can twentieth century cowboy references be taken seriously in an old time cowboy epic? Or is that just the point?
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Now there's a scene from a thousand and one episodes. Stranger disturbs a sleeping nobody on a veranda along a dusty, western set. He argues with him, and for no damned good reason drills him with his six shooter. He replaces the dead man, and sets in for a good rest, only to set off the same scenario that got him there. Killer ending to a comic piece that started out ever so serious like. Excellent storytelling. Only one thing bothers me. How can twentieth century cowboy references be taken seriously in an old time cowboy epic? Or is that just the point?
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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LOL! Well, you are the first person to ask me about the references from mixed times. I personally thought that if I meshed the old with the new that the really creepy story would be even more funny and entertaining, and prove nothing is either old or new. Especially, creating the loop at the end that makes these situations of life keep repeating themselves. Now, with only you picking up on it, I'm starting to think that I over thought it. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a clever piece of flash fiction, Ric. It's not an easy genre to write in for the reasons you gave in your author's notes. To be succinct while still offering enough description to set the scene and provide reader identification with the characters is a tough task. Yet you went into it with your eyes open and emerged at the other end with a well-written, entertaining, and authentic piece of Americana.
Great job!
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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This is a clever piece of flash fiction, Ric. It's not an easy genre to write in for the reasons you gave in your author's notes. To be succinct while still offering enough description to set the scene and provide reader identification with the characters is a tough task. Yet you went into it with your eyes open and emerged at the other end with a well-written, entertaining, and authentic piece of Americana.
Great job!
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Jay, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. It's always a treat for me when such a talented writer reads my posts. I appreciate you! :-)
Comment from rmj09
The focus do we know an individual by there words.
The story line development: a cowpoke trying to start up a conversation discovers the man is a sourpuss who doesn't wish to speak to a stranger. The stranger shoots six times and the old crouch is dead. Going over and throwing the man from the chair. He sits there and hears so-what-do-you-say-partner. Repeat.
The dialog has given us a look at their personalities and character.
The narration shows us the stranger say his howdy to be responded to by rejection and a sourpuss remark prior to his being shot.
The emotion felt disgust that the man couldn't just say Howdy in return.
Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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The focus do we know an individual by there words.
The story line development: a cowpoke trying to start up a conversation discovers the man is a sourpuss who doesn't wish to speak to a stranger. The stranger shoots six times and the old crouch is dead. Going over and throwing the man from the chair. He sits there and hears so-what-do-you-say-partner. Repeat.
The dialog has given us a look at their personalities and character.
The narration shows us the stranger say his howdy to be responded to by rejection and a sourpuss remark prior to his being shot.
The emotion felt disgust that the man couldn't just say Howdy in return.
Keep on writing.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your comments and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Serendipity!
and feet (foot?) shaking, off a (the?) This is a startling piece of fiction, certainly not my type, but obviously you grabbed a lot of attention with this. Have fun.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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and feet (foot?) shaking, off a (the?) This is a startling piece of fiction, certainly not my type, but obviously you grabbed a lot of attention with this. Have fun.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
Ric,
I think for this to be true, flash fiction, you'll need to still do some paring. There are still some sentences that can be streamlined. At least - in my mind -- though that may be a matter of opinion, only. The story was interesting, and just proves that there's always someone else ready to take your spot. *smile*
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Ric,
I think for this to be true, flash fiction, you'll need to still do some paring. There are still some sentences that can be streamlined. At least - in my mind -- though that may be a matter of opinion, only. The story was interesting, and just proves that there's always someone else ready to take your spot. *smile*
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Robyn, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, you are absolutely right, more streamlining could make this story better. I wrote the piece in ten minutes, then spend two days taking away and adding back, trying to get the same effects I was trying to create. Finally, I put it back like I started and went with it. I'm glad you caught the loop I created at the end to show life repeating its self over and over. :-)
Comment from barkingdog
There must be something about sittin' in that cane-backed chair ...
Excellent post, Ric.
You went from a man dozin' off to him being tossed to the street and his killer taking his place. If the situation repeats itself, there won't be many people left in town.
Any-whoo ... It was a fast read with great description and realistic dialogue.
I kind of say away from using well known people as character descriptions. It does tend to distract from the flow. I had to mesh together Eastwood and Wayne and then I don't even know VanCleef so I missed out on that all together.
(That's just a personal opinion, so I didn't fault you for using that technique. I just liked your descriptions like 'sourpuss' much better.)
Flash Fiction is hard to write. I think you did a terrific job.
:) ellen xx
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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There must be something about sittin' in that cane-backed chair ...
Excellent post, Ric.
You went from a man dozin' off to him being tossed to the street and his killer taking his place. If the situation repeats itself, there won't be many people left in town.
Any-whoo ... It was a fast read with great description and realistic dialogue.
I kind of say away from using well known people as character descriptions. It does tend to distract from the flow. I had to mesh together Eastwood and Wayne and then I don't even know VanCleef so I missed out on that all together.
(That's just a personal opinion, so I didn't fault you for using that technique. I just liked your descriptions like 'sourpuss' much better.)
Flash Fiction is hard to write. I think you did a terrific job.
:) ellen xx
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Ellen, my dear friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. I agree with you wholeheartedly about using old characters who will only be remembered by few. This is one of those times when I didn't use them so much as a reference or image to make a point. I put them in mostly to pay homage to three of the best actors in westerns over the last fifty years. I usually have a lot of trouble writing flash fiction, either too little or not enough of everything. I wrote this piece in ten minutes just goofing off, then spent two days adding and subtracting to get it back to almost its original. I appreciate YOU! :-)
Comment from artisart4u
Your story fits the description of what a flash story should be (parts that makes it a flash story).
The setting and the words you used as well as where you put them gave it the "Cowboy Attitude.
Good luck with your story.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Your story fits the description of what a flash story should be (parts that makes it a flash story).
The setting and the words you used as well as where you put them gave it the "Cowboy Attitude.
Good luck with your story.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. The best things that can come from these ultra-short stories is someone enjoys them or they put a smile on the readers face. Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from Bloke7
Hello RIC,
Very well done! I was pleased by the imagery you chose for the death scenes, as well as for the lighting of the despicable stranger's cigar. Both occasions upheld the tone of the story very well.
My only gripe is too minor to be worth deducting a star: the lack of imagery for the actual shooting. It would have better conveyed the characterization of the new stranger.
With respect, Bloke7
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Hello RIC,
Very well done! I was pleased by the imagery you chose for the death scenes, as well as for the lighting of the despicable stranger's cigar. Both occasions upheld the tone of the story very well.
My only gripe is too minor to be worth deducting a star: the lack of imagery for the actual shooting. It would have better conveyed the characterization of the new stranger.
With respect, Bloke7
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, I can understand what you are saying about the lack of detail about the stranger. The main reason I didn't give more imagery is the word count needed to be less than 800 words, and also, the ending is suppose to create a loop of things of similar nature happening over and over. Giving plenty of time for the reader to learn more about all the charters, at least those left living. I am grateful any time a reader, such as you, offers me such sincere and honest opinions and assessments. Without them, how would I ever know the readers are truly thinking. Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from LIJ Red
This sounds more like an encounter on a urban street than in cowpoke country, where they'd probably have shot the bull a while then headed over to the saloon for a drink. Factor the acres and population and the old west was safer than most of the USA today...excellent story.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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This sounds more like an encounter on a urban street than in cowpoke country, where they'd probably have shot the bull a while then headed over to the saloon for a drink. Factor the acres and population and the old west was safer than most of the USA today...excellent story.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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LOL! Yes, LIJ Red, yours is a point I try to make at the end of the story, and by making it turn into a loop so things will happen over and over . . . . There is no doubt we would be much safer in those days than being in the wrong places in today's world. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from konni
You're good with language and this story kept my interest.
Suggestions:
Par. 6: Add the first dialogue to the paragraph before (par. 5), so we're sure who's speaking.
Par. 5: Consider a simple, "He smiled" or "He grinned" before his words. The dialogue is fine, no explanation necessary.
Par. 7: mix words and gestures?
Enjoyed this read. Good sense of drama and voice.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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You're good with language and this story kept my interest.
Suggestions:
Par. 6: Add the first dialogue to the paragraph before (par. 5), so we're sure who's speaking.
Par. 5: Consider a simple, "He smiled" or "He grinned" before his words. The dialogue is fine, no explanation necessary.
Par. 7: mix words and gestures?
Enjoyed this read. Good sense of drama and voice.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thanks for reading my story. Your words and suggestions are taken. :-)