Comment from Writingfundimension

Exceptional

"I pulled out of the driveway, and as Mum waved, I could see her tears matching mine. I knew it was not a final goodbye, yet I felt as if deprived of all joy. One last wave and I was away.'

A great way to sum up all the emotion of this chapter, Ulla. I can imagine that the physical nearness of your mother must have exerted a powerful pull on your emotions.

Great chapter!

;) Bev

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Bev, thank you so much for this great review. The stars mean so much to me as I do work so hard to get my work right. It was indeed a powerful and emotional time, but also a time so full of joy. More is to follow soon. Again, thank you so much. All the best. Ulla

reply by Writingfundimension on 03-Feb-2016

You're very welcome, Ulla. :)

Comment from Wabigoon

Excellent

Ulla--
This is well done. I like your realization that many of your personality characteristics come from your mom. The writing is...economical, functional, maybe a bit mundane. Perhaps that's what you are aiming for?

You are providing a valuable glimpse into this experience of rediscovering a parent.

Thanks
Jeff

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Thank you so much, Jeff, Well It was not meant to be mundane, but on the other hand I was leaving and summing up all my feelings, and what had happened in the days just gone by. It is an interlude before everything starts to take off again. The story is far from over. More is to follow soon. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Bryana

Excellent

Dear Ulla, I would be crying as well knowing
my mother is going to be close to me and I
will enjoy her company that I didn't have for
so many years.
I will be waiting for next chapter.

Un abrazo para ti.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Bryana, thank you so much. I am so happy that you like my story. More is to follow soon. Y un abrazo para ti tambien. Ulla

Comment from alexisleech

Exceptional

I can feel your pain at leaving, but also your joy at seeing your mother again in the future, and the fact that you got on so well. It's hard to imagine moving everything you own to another country (including your car!) but I can understand why your mother would want to do it. I would imagine it makes the distance from her past life less life changing, having all that is familiar to you coming along for the ride.

The mystery of whether your father is still alive for you to meet still has to be solved, but I don't doubt will be addressed soon. I can't wait to find out!

Hugs from France,

Alexis xxx

but also crying (of) for joy

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016

Alexis, Thank you for your lovely review and insight. I think you've got it spot on. She moved her whole life. The story is in an interlude, but I can't quite leave it out. It will take off soon enough again. It was a year with a difference to say the least. Thanks so much for the six. I think you do know how much they mean to me. Love. Ulla xxx

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Ulla,

This is a great juncture in the piece to draw the chapter to a conclusion. The change over the five day period is startling. So much journeyed both in distance, emotion, and relationship.

What do you mean with that look of yours, Mum. - this should probably have a question mark too.

Even my beloved car is coming with me. - need closing speech marks here.

Great stuff
GMG

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Hi G, thanks a lot for as per usual a great review. Sorry to be late in answering, but I made the corrections the minute I read this. Thanks for pointing them out. Always grateful when you put me right. All the best. Ulla

Comment from jpduck

Exceptional

I found this episode particularly moving. Beautifully done.

'I must have looked like one big question mark' (Like it!).

Just the one SPAG spotted. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):

'Crying because I would miss her, but also crying [of] *with* joy'

Well done indeed.


Adrian

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016

Adrian, thank you so much. I think you do know how much your six means to me and most of all that you like the writing. I have made the correction. You have indeed taught me a lot and still do. More is to follow soon. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

How delightful How wonderful to meet your mother when you have spent so many years without one. I could feel the joy you spoke of. It was just as if I was going through it with you. You have an easy natural style of writing which I am attracted to, Ulla. I don't want this to end, Giddy

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Thanks so much Giddy. It was a delight to find my Mum. Thank you for all your praise. I am really pleased that you like my writing. Don't worry it is not to end just yet.How sweet you are! Much more is to happen. More to follow soon. All the best. Ulla

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Ulla

= Now, even I'm sad that you're leaving.
= It is interesting how we fear the unknown, and then afterwards, wonder why we were being silly. (*<*)
= Nice writing, my friend.

<> Comma needed
= In the evening(,) Miriam came over
= The next day(,) Mum and I

* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie (*>*) Jax

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Hi Jax, thanks so much. I am sorry that I am so late in answering, but I did the corrections days ago. I am appreciating all the help I can get. More to follow soon. All the best. Ulla

Comment from country ranch writer

Excellent

finding out she found her mom was a happy moment for her and now having to travel back to the real world where her life is now what will she do?

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016

Thank you so much, I am pleased that you are following my story. More is to follow soon. So much to happen. All the best. Ulla

reply by country ranch writer on 03-Feb-2016

s m i l e s

Comment from Curly Girly

Exceptional

I am enjoying your story, Ulla. I look forward to reading if your father is still alive and what happened to him. Your phrases are still too 'wordy.' Try to keep words to a minimum. Use what is necessary to convey the story. Examples below:

You wrote:
"What do you mean with that look of yours, Mum. Have you got it all planned?" I couldn't help smiling. She just looked so wicked. "Come on, please do tell, I can't wait to hear it."
Suggest:
"What do you mean with that look, Mum? Have you planned everything?" I couldn't help smiling. She looked wicked. "Come on, please tell. I can't wait to hear."

Mum's smile got even wider.
Mum's smile widened.

"OK, I'll bring you out of your misery.
"OK, I'll PUT you out of misery.

"I can see what you are going to ask,
"I sense your questions,

I could only look at her in astonishment.
Astonished, I gaped.

"You are joking, surely. Your car? Are you not just selling it?" I laughed out loud.
"Surely, you are joking about your car? Why not just sell it?" I laughed.
* Laughter is always audible, so you don't need to add: 'out loud' after you have just mentioned that you laughed.

Nicole

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016

Thank you so much, Nicole, and I am so happy with the awesome six. I have made corrections and thanks so much for putting me on the right track. I have maybe not followed all your correction to the word but I do think it reads much better now. You are so right, it did indeed need some structuring. All the best, and thanks again. Ulla:))