Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Dear Bill - violent poem indeed, yet it also has a raw edge which impressed me. Your imagery, rhyme including internal rhyme made this flow smoothly. Sadly this stuff could be so very much reality driven. Excellent poetic form and powerful.
Thanks for sharing,
Maureen

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, Maureen, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from fossilhunter

Good

I think your poem would make a better story. You have several characters, and a plan. The way it reads suggests to me like there is more to the story left untold. Give us a gut wrenching drug and murder story from this. I believe it would make a great short story.

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

Interesting rhyme scheme with all the rhymes in the middle of beginning of the lines. A great moral to this poem!

~~Teresa~~

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, Teresa, for the excellent review. Bill

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Hah! My only regret for having read this poem about a drug deal gone awry now is that I don't have a six star rating to award you, Bill. This was fan-friggin'-tastic! I guess ol Kayla's sittin' pretty about now, huh? Yeah, always be the one with the gun...

The unique rhyming style and formatting you used in composing this was a breath of fresh air after having read countless, upon endless, infinitesimal haiku, sonnets, quaterns, and 5-7-5 poems here lately.

I'll give ya' a virtual sixer for now, Bill, cause it's all I got.

Great work!

V-r-o-o-o-m, V-r-o-o-o-m, Kayla, heh-heh...



~Dean :}

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thanks so much, Dean, for the terrific review and the boffo clip. I appreciate the V6 as well. Bill

reply by Dean Kuch on 02-Apr-2015

Hey, it was g-r-r-r-r-e-a-t, Bill. I'm just sorry I didn't have a real one to lay on ya'. :)

~Dean

Comment from cbat

Excellent

I am not exact ally sure how I feel about this poem.

I liked that the female outsmarted the others.

I liked the flow of the poem.

I understood most of the procedure.

You have a talent, I hope you keep writing.

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 Comment Written 02-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thank you, cbat, for giving this a look.