Comment from Adri7enne

Exceptional

I love the Octogram. It's a beautiful form and you do it so well. It has a bitter-sweet tone, with two lovers spending time together, but we know all is not really "gold". "You wander in some foreign land, you rave and scold." How sad! A thousand ways to leave your lover. Well done, Steve.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thanks for the lovely words and the six stars - nothing gold can stay....

Steve

Comment from MissMerri

Exceptional

Well, if you've never written an octogram before, all I can say is "it's about time!!" You do it beautifully. Everything about this poem is beautiful. I hope you will do many more. Perfect meter and solid rhymes telling a sad but hopeful story, leave nothing to criticize and much to acclaim. A six, for sure.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015

Thank you.

I found it a bit harder than I anticipated, actually. Firstly to get the right 'refrain' line and then to manage the rhyme.

I wanted to try for a more light-hearted one, but it just didn't come. I see closetpoetjester has just posted a fun one.

Steve

Comment from Mark Valentine

Exceptional

First, congrats again on your "Author of the Year" honor - well deserved.
This poem is gold. very poignant. I love that, instead of simply being a retrospective look at love lost, it starts out in the present ("Today") with the author appreciating the love in the moment and then flashes forward.

It flows smoothly even though the contest requirements hold you to a fairly rigid rhyme scheme.

Very well done - good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Mark, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

New to me but excellently done as stated in the rules of the piece.
Very good rhyme and such a smooth flow to make it easy to read and enjoy.
works well

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thanks, Barb.

Steve

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

For never having written one before, you certainly did a fabulous job of it, Steve.

Wonderful use of enjambment and alliteration abounds here in this smoothly flowing verse.

Poignantly penned, perfectly composed...

Quite simply, in a word, sensational. ~Dean

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Dean, thanks a lot for the warm review.

Must be difficult having so many people try to get inside your mind these days. I am curious whether you intend to enter that contest...

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 20-Jan-2015

Uh-uh, no way, Steve. I'm not going there, LOL.

It was a pleasure as always, my friend. :}

Comment from mshirachot

Excellent

The Octogram format is so much fun to write. I wrote one awhile back called 'Among My Clan'. Great alliterative use of the S sounds throughout the first stanza especially. Perfect attention to the Octogram style.

This poem conveys such a sad sense of longing. Ah for those days of gold.

Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Marsha

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thanks, Marsha - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Walu Feral

Excellent

G'day Steve. That is one fantastic piece of poetic art mate. The picture is a perfect match and the style is awesome. I really enjoy the way you put pen to paper in most forms. Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thanks, Fez

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

I really like this form, Steve. And it seems perfect
for your poem--or vice versa.
Brooke has written a few, and I always sense
a 'call and response' vibe. It makes me want to participate.

The change in tone between the stanzas perfectly
represents the ups and downs lovers and caregivers experience.

My mother was a 'sun-downer'. Dark brought dark.

This is an excellent poem, Steve.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jan-2015

Thank you.

For some reason, not a lot of reviewers seem to have 'got' the real meaning of the second stanza. Someone wants me to put it in a Valentine's card!

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 20-Jan-2015

Sometimes I get the feeling 'reviewing' doesn't require 'reading'. Happy Valentine's Day.

Comment from flamingstar

Exceptional

It's menopause. With some topical bio-identicals she'll come around, I promise. Haven't tried this one yet, but you've done an outstanding job here.

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Thanks, fs, for the witty review and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from Jackarrie

Excellent

I have never written an Octogram before, I just may consider it now after reading your poem. It follows the rules and is a sad love tale.

Well don
Mary

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2015

Thanks. Mary

Give it a go!

Steve