Pristine air fills lungs
Tanka contest15 total reviews
Comment from Drew Delaney
Excellent tanka, Dallas. I love the colour you chose. The last line is funny. I think many a mom will rake with her hubby if she is able. Not time for that quite yet, but it is getting very near that time. Nice poetry and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Excellent tanka, Dallas. I love the colour you chose. The last line is funny. I think many a mom will rake with her hubby if she is able. Not time for that quite yet, but it is getting very near that time. Nice poetry and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks for he kind review.
Comment from Trybuck
I believe you met all the requirements for this contest. If I counted right, you had 31 syllables with no words ending in -ing or ly, and no alliteration.
Well done with your entry, Buck
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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I believe you met all the requirements for this contest. If I counted right, you had 31 syllables with no words ending in -ing or ly, and no alliteration.
Well done with your entry, Buck
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks for reviewing. Kind of hard to adhere to all the rules.
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When I read all the rules, I said NO thanks to entering. I commend you for giving it a go
Comment from stroncoso1
Well done! This is a clever tanka and you creatively managed to write it about Autumn without mentioning the season. Your descriptions are effective and work well in this poem. Your first - second lines work well and are grammatically connected, as is the 4th and 5th line," dad snaps rake into action while mom cheers from the sidelines. Nice!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Well done! This is a clever tanka and you creatively managed to write it about Autumn without mentioning the season. Your descriptions are effective and work well in this poem. Your first - second lines work well and are grammatically connected, as is the 4th and 5th line," dad snaps rake into action while mom cheers from the sidelines. Nice!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks for reviewing. Too many rules.
Comment from Pyrrho
If mom had picked up the rake and Dad cheered from the sidelines I would have enjoyed this more. Once you satisfied the rather silly rules you should have punched up the humor or something to make it stand out.
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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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If mom had picked up the rake and Dad cheered from the sidelines I would have enjoyed this more. Once you satisfied the rather silly rules you should have punched up the humor or something to make it stand out.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Think you might be right. All these rules really keeps one on their toes.
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Kept on toes does not make excellent poetry. It makes toe dancers :<)
Comment from Acquired Taste
Terrific - especially without using those key words. Sounds like an announcer for a Friday night ball game. Like the phrase: dad snaps rake into action - very visual.
AT=/
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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Terrific - especially without using those key words. Sounds like an announcer for a Friday night ball game. Like the phrase: dad snaps rake into action - very visual.
AT=/
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2014
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Thanks for reviewing. Funny you said that. My original version made a reference to Friday night football.
