Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "CHAPTER SEIS, PART UNO"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
50 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hi...well things are getting a little clearer. I do wonder what the horse has to do with it all, mybe nothing..or maybe someting. We shall see if she is a mirror of her daddy.
okay, now post somemore:-)
padumachitta
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi...well things are getting a little clearer. I do wonder what the horse has to do with it all, mybe nothing..or maybe someting. We shall see if she is a mirror of her daddy.
okay, now post somemore:-)
padumachitta
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from drivenbackward
Hi, Barbara. Good story. Engaging. However, some notes to consider. Please keep in mind that some of these are just my opinions.
blood covered blue jeans. -- 'blood-covered'
Only a faint, "I guess," could be heard. -- Delete comma inside quotations.
After a little while -- No. That doesn't work. Too vague. Readers outside FS might be turned off by this.
A bit heavy on the action descriptions. Unless you're going for a poetic narrative, just move the story along as fast as possible while only including the most important side details.
I 35 corridor links with Highway 85 in Mexico, -- 'I-35'
"They're fighting over control of the I 35 corridor. -- "
Good dialogue, especially in the second half of the chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Hi, Barbara. Good story. Engaging. However, some notes to consider. Please keep in mind that some of these are just my opinions.
blood covered blue jeans. -- 'blood-covered'
Only a faint, "I guess," could be heard. -- Delete comma inside quotations.
After a little while -- No. That doesn't work. Too vague. Readers outside FS might be turned off by this.
A bit heavy on the action descriptions. Unless you're going for a poetic narrative, just move the story along as fast as possible while only including the most important side details.
I 35 corridor links with Highway 85 in Mexico, -- 'I-35'
"They're fighting over control of the I 35 corridor. -- "
Good dialogue, especially in the second half of the chapter.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the helpful review.
Comment from Sloegin
What a pleasure it is to read your posts. I don't critique all, but know I do enjoy them.
Your story, as usual moves along smoothly, your verbiage is as any in the published book I read. Occasionally a word will jump off the page at me, I found two.
After a LITTLE while. You don't need "little"
under Jim's right armpit, armpit doesn't ring true here, I'd use "right arm"
Please know I plan to continue reading and will only critique if I find something that may help you keep on with your smooth prose.
sloegin
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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What a pleasure it is to read your posts. I don't critique all, but know I do enjoy them.
Your story, as usual moves along smoothly, your verbiage is as any in the published book I read. Occasionally a word will jump off the page at me, I found two.
After a LITTLE while. You don't need "little"
under Jim's right armpit, armpit doesn't ring true here, I'd use "right arm"
Please know I plan to continue reading and will only critique if I find something that may help you keep on with your smooth prose.
sloegin
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from onebrit
I just love the way you write, one is drawn into this complex web of characters. Great dialogue, that is very believable. Wonderful character development. They become better defined with every read.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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I just love the way you write, one is drawn into this complex web of characters. Great dialogue, that is very believable. Wonderful character development. They become better defined with every read.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Good chapter. Thanks again for some great reading. No spags all good all the way through. Been trying to tidy up my autobiography for a full edit and then open it up for a full review in here. I have moved stuff around and changed quite a bit. Thanks for good read. I like reading good stories and this is one of only a few of them on FS.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Good chapter. Thanks again for some great reading. No spags all good all the way through. Been trying to tidy up my autobiography for a full edit and then open it up for a full review in here. I have moved stuff around and changed quite a bit. Thanks for good read. I like reading good stories and this is one of only a few of them on FS.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Nor should you redefine each character in every post.
I have not gone back and started reading from the
beginning, but I certainly plan to do so. This is
only the third day I've been back since March so I
have lots to do yet. Like what I have read so far.
love,
jan
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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barbara:
Nor should you redefine each character in every post.
I have not gone back and started reading from the
beginning, but I certainly plan to do so. This is
only the third day I've been back since March so I
have lots to do yet. Like what I have read so far.
love,
jan
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
-
Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Twilightspire
Man, poor Jim!
I can understand why Soni would be mad, but if he's expecting anything other than glaring, he might have a long wait. :D
You do a great job setting up the backstory in this chapter. From the drug cartels and the local landmarks, you obviously did a lot of research.
Though the post was short, I understand the chapters for a book will be longer, so you did impart enough of a story to keep us interested.
Excellent work, can't wait for the next one.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Man, poor Jim!
I can understand why Soni would be mad, but if he's expecting anything other than glaring, he might have a long wait. :D
You do a great job setting up the backstory in this chapter. From the drug cartels and the local landmarks, you obviously did a lot of research.
Though the post was short, I understand the chapters for a book will be longer, so you did impart enough of a story to keep us interested.
Excellent work, can't wait for the next one.
-T.J.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from angelface2
this was a fine chapter, Barbara. I didn't find any spag, but was so absorbed I didn't really look for any. YOU are a good writer. Nicely done. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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this was a fine chapter, Barbara. I didn't find any spag, but was so absorbed I didn't really look for any. YOU are a good writer. Nicely done. Miss Sally
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from AAud
It's good to see Jim up and around. Interesting conversation between Alex and Jim about the I 35 corridor. Jim does seem to know quite a bit about the drug lords.
I can't wait to see where this leads.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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It's good to see Jim up and around. Interesting conversation between Alex and Jim about the I 35 corridor. Jim does seem to know quite a bit about the drug lords.
I can't wait to see where this leads.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
HAHA! I love the ending line.
Good post, Barbara. Not sure that Jim is telling all he knows. He does seem to know quite a bit about things.
It's the home of El Capone. - did you mean 'El'? Not sure if this was intentional or not.
Well done. Look forward to more.
A
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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HAHA! I love the ending line.
Good post, Barbara. Not sure that Jim is telling all he knows. He does seem to know quite a bit about things.
It's the home of El Capone. - did you mean 'El'? Not sure if this was intentional or not.
Well done. Look forward to more.
A
Comment Written 09-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2014
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Thank you for dropping by. I appreciate the kind review. Yes it was intentional.
