Immortalized
An Ekphrastic Poem in iambic pentameter52 total reviews
Comment from royowen
One of the the motivations of art is to capture a fleeting thought, a moment in time, a glimpse of something beyond explanation, in fact anything that will freeze an exceptional moment! But even this is beyond perceptions grasp! That is why I love your analogous attempt to project your intuitive perception. This is what makes art so worth while! I enjoyed your moment so much! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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One of the the motivations of art is to capture a fleeting thought, a moment in time, a glimpse of something beyond explanation, in fact anything that will freeze an exceptional moment! But even this is beyond perceptions grasp! That is why I love your analogous attempt to project your intuitive perception. This is what makes art so worth while! I enjoyed your moment so much! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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What a wonderful review, Roy. Thank you so much. I agree...art is amazing in its ability to get us to mine the mind. :)
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a striking poem from the author in this piece of writing. The picture is striking and the words adds to this and together they create a complete experience for the reader.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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This is a striking poem from the author in this piece of writing. The picture is striking and the words adds to this and together they create a complete experience for the reader.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Tomes!
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My pleasure
Comment from comanalbert
Just when i was about to write in review-it's Lucifer- you've said it better. Yes, Lucifer was the most beautiful angel, fallen because of his vanity, and burdened by a task harder than Sisif had, but as with the recent discovery of the Gospel of Judas, even this has a higher, incognoscible/unknown to us, purpose
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Just when i was about to write in review-it's Lucifer- you've said it better. Yes, Lucifer was the most beautiful angel, fallen because of his vanity, and burdened by a task harder than Sisif had, but as with the recent discovery of the Gospel of Judas, even this has a higher, incognoscible/unknown to us, purpose
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. You show your intelligence with this review, as well as your knowledge, and I appreciate it!
David
Comment from tony bronk
A very good poem about the angel that is sculpted in the photo. I enjoyed reading your scenarios, and "possibilities" of what might be, or what might not be. You raised some interesting points, even if (maybe) you weren't serious, but instead just enjoyed playing the game of "what if?" .Excellent write.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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A very good poem about the angel that is sculpted in the photo. I enjoyed reading your scenarios, and "possibilities" of what might be, or what might not be. You raised some interesting points, even if (maybe) you weren't serious, but instead just enjoyed playing the game of "what if?" .Excellent write.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Tony. Every time I look at the piece, I can't help but think of those scenarios!
Comment from mfowler
Excellent ekphrastic piece, David. Like wine seems to go with red roses, I reckon poetry sits beautifully with art. Your exposition of this piece is quite exquisite in that you place yourself there (I found him on a lonely Saturday), and move in the space trying to unwrap the deeper purpose and possibility of the work (With patron verve, I wondered if his eyes). It's subtle, but it gives voice to your musings which, judging by the image included, are quite valid and imaginative. I like how you've explored the variety of possibility (a shrine to vulnerability; Or was he Lucifer, before he fell, About to pay the penance for his war)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Excellent ekphrastic piece, David. Like wine seems to go with red roses, I reckon poetry sits beautifully with art. Your exposition of this piece is quite exquisite in that you place yourself there (I found him on a lonely Saturday), and move in the space trying to unwrap the deeper purpose and possibility of the work (With patron verve, I wondered if his eyes). It's subtle, but it gives voice to your musings which, judging by the image included, are quite valid and imaginative. I like how you've explored the variety of possibility (a shrine to vulnerability; Or was he Lucifer, before he fell, About to pay the penance for his war)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Mark, I truly appreciate that sixer, my friend, as well as your excellent thoughts. Thank you so much!
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello Marillion, Your poem is beautifully penned and thought provoking. I especially liked:
But no! -- he hadn't moved, and never would.
His form was fated by the artist's hands--
(Only the Artist knows the true story of this tragic angel, and I'm no mind-reader, but it's plain to see he is a man tortured with conflict from within.)
M, I think your sculpture was a fine find, and its photo would make a great contest entry. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Hello Marillion, Your poem is beautifully penned and thought provoking. I especially liked:
But no! -- he hadn't moved, and never would.
His form was fated by the artist's hands--
(Only the Artist knows the true story of this tragic angel, and I'm no mind-reader, but it's plain to see he is a man tortured with conflict from within.)
M, I think your sculpture was a fine find, and its photo would make a great contest entry. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, LateBloomer, for your wonderful review, and your kind thoughts. I agree that the artist transferred his own conflicts into this piece.
Comment from rama devi
Indeed, that angel looks despondent. I love Ekphrastic poetry and started writing them before I knew the style ever had a name!
Brilliant, job, dear D...as ever! Flawless iambic footprints explore the halls of possibility of our dejected sculpted angel in these well crafted quatrains.
Fantastic internal rhymes and near rhymes (like arrayed and 'a way'). Sounds super read aloud. So finely cadenced too.
I found him on a lonely Saturday--
A tragic angel sculpted -- and I felt
His brooding mood, arrayed in such a way
He shrank within, and downward, as he knelt.
Superb opening. Eloquent. nice balance of soft and hard A sounds. Nice subtle consonance of L in lines 1,2, and 4.
Combining more than craftsmanship and art,
He was a shrine to vulnerability,
A bronzed reminder of the brittle heart,
This paralyzed immortal on one knee.
Art and heart is a okay rhyme...slightly cliche but acceptable. Vulnerability and knee is outstanding! Brilliant. Love the alliteration on C and B. One spag suggestion--consider using a dash instead of a comma after line two
His wings were tucked, as if he'd been ashamed
Of doubting a decision by his Master--
Or possibly despondent as he blamed
Some godless monster for a world disaster.
Excellent poetic portrait (internal and external--both)...I see him in my mind even without looking at the picture. Very fine alliteration of D in lines 2,3,4 and consonance of D as well as S.
Or was he Lucifer, before he fell,
About to pay the penance for his war,
Receiving judgment -- and a throne in Hell--
To reign in ash and flames forevermore?
Eloquently voiced stanza. Fine alliteration on P and F. Good use of dashes for an almost parenthetical effect.
With patron verve, I wondered if his eyes
Were set obscurely, wet with tears, or closed--
And if, defiantly, he'd somehow rise
Above the place he was forever posed--
Eloquent stanza too...so smooth flowing, reading like silk. Superb subtle internal rhyme of set and wet with fine sonic consonance of S and alliteration of W.
But no! -- he hadn't moved, and never would.
His form was fated by the artist's hands--
Perhaps in prayer, because he understood,
Or burdened by the freight of God's demands.
Excellent closing conclusion. Well voiced. Well rhymed. A small (totally optional) suggestion to consider using parenthesis here:
Perhaps in prayer (because he understood)
Much Love,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Indeed, that angel looks despondent. I love Ekphrastic poetry and started writing them before I knew the style ever had a name!
Brilliant, job, dear D...as ever! Flawless iambic footprints explore the halls of possibility of our dejected sculpted angel in these well crafted quatrains.
Fantastic internal rhymes and near rhymes (like arrayed and 'a way'). Sounds super read aloud. So finely cadenced too.
I found him on a lonely Saturday--
A tragic angel sculpted -- and I felt
His brooding mood, arrayed in such a way
He shrank within, and downward, as he knelt.
Superb opening. Eloquent. nice balance of soft and hard A sounds. Nice subtle consonance of L in lines 1,2, and 4.
Combining more than craftsmanship and art,
He was a shrine to vulnerability,
A bronzed reminder of the brittle heart,
This paralyzed immortal on one knee.
Art and heart is a okay rhyme...slightly cliche but acceptable. Vulnerability and knee is outstanding! Brilliant. Love the alliteration on C and B. One spag suggestion--consider using a dash instead of a comma after line two
His wings were tucked, as if he'd been ashamed
Of doubting a decision by his Master--
Or possibly despondent as he blamed
Some godless monster for a world disaster.
Excellent poetic portrait (internal and external--both)...I see him in my mind even without looking at the picture. Very fine alliteration of D in lines 2,3,4 and consonance of D as well as S.
Or was he Lucifer, before he fell,
About to pay the penance for his war,
Receiving judgment -- and a throne in Hell--
To reign in ash and flames forevermore?
Eloquently voiced stanza. Fine alliteration on P and F. Good use of dashes for an almost parenthetical effect.
With patron verve, I wondered if his eyes
Were set obscurely, wet with tears, or closed--
And if, defiantly, he'd somehow rise
Above the place he was forever posed--
Eloquent stanza too...so smooth flowing, reading like silk. Superb subtle internal rhyme of set and wet with fine sonic consonance of S and alliteration of W.
But no! -- he hadn't moved, and never would.
His form was fated by the artist's hands--
Perhaps in prayer, because he understood,
Or burdened by the freight of God's demands.
Excellent closing conclusion. Well voiced. Well rhymed. A small (totally optional) suggestion to consider using parenthesis here:
Perhaps in prayer (because he understood)
Much Love,
rd
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Rama, for your absolutely wonderful breakdown of the piece, and your excellent suggestion to put parentheses around that...(it does seem the perfect candidate for that device!
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Yay! :-) Most welcome, dear D!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this poem and wish i had read this one before the other one i gave you a six on. they both deserve it but this one just touched me more
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this poem and wish i had read this one before the other one i gave you a six on. they both deserve it but this one just touched me more
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, my friend.
Comment from Katzintx
How do you think this stuff up! Awe at your brains ability to
create such musings. As always your form and structure are solid. Your flow is good and let face it who can beat the topic musings. Well done!katz
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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How do you think this stuff up! Awe at your brains ability to
create such musings. As always your form and structure are solid. Your flow is good and let face it who can beat the topic musings. Well done!katz
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. I just release all thought, and let it come to me. I really appreciate it, Katz.
Comment from Ted T
Hi :)
Great piece, well written.
Forgive me if I don't go into detail about the structure and format of your work.
It's not for me to say.
I don't presume to judge a poets style, the words and work are from the heart and should be left alone.
If I didn't like what you wrote, I wouldn't respond to it.
That's good enough for me and other writers will share the same comments.
Good job,
Ted
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Hi :)
Great piece, well written.
Forgive me if I don't go into detail about the structure and format of your work.
It's not for me to say.
I don't presume to judge a poets style, the words and work are from the heart and should be left alone.
If I didn't like what you wrote, I wouldn't respond to it.
That's good enough for me and other writers will share the same comments.
Good job,
Ted
Comment Written 05-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Ted, for your wonderful review.
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You're welcome :)
