doubt-gulls
Free verse83 total reviews
Comment from LadyCosgrove
WOW! I didn't see that coming - Well done!
Just that one word in the last line, (my), turns the whole thing back on the reader and takes their breath away in the last seconds.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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WOW! I didn't see that coming - Well done!
Just that one word in the last line, (my), turns the whole thing back on the reader and takes their breath away in the last seconds.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thank you.
Yes, the intention was to shock and make the reader re-consider the whole thing - glad it worked.
Steve
Comment from L.A.Matthies
as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails - Excellent ...way to drive the image home ...love the layout also :)Linda
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
|
as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails - Excellent ...way to drive the image home ...love the layout also :)Linda
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Linda!
Steve
Comment from Maltese Falcon
I don't really understand this poem but then maybe its time for my afternoon cup of tea. love the picture and the format. you poem looks like waves.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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I don't really understand this poem but then maybe its time for my afternoon cup of tea. love the picture and the format. you poem looks like waves.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks for reviewing anyway - perhaps if you've had that cup of tea now I could hint that the gulls represent destructive doubts....
Steve
Comment from xotic flotsam
Jees steve. I so did not see that coming. Having surfed my share, I fold myself into your picture. I smell the surf, the washed ashore kelp, sand flies and see the long beaks. Admiring their innate sense of survival, I am repelled by their callous indifference to their needs. It is the nature of all critters I wager. They reign as nothing but an ineluctable piece to the puzzle of all life. You impart a sense of being there. To absorb an essence of life itself. be well.
x
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Jees steve. I so did not see that coming. Having surfed my share, I fold myself into your picture. I smell the surf, the washed ashore kelp, sand flies and see the long beaks. Admiring their innate sense of survival, I am repelled by their callous indifference to their needs. It is the nature of all critters I wager. They reign as nothing but an ineluctable piece to the puzzle of all life. You impart a sense of being there. To absorb an essence of life itself. be well.
x
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Nature red in tooth and claw - had to check that quote out and surprisingly I discovered it was from Tennyson....
Yes, the last line was intended to shock.
Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
Comment from Rainbowsofhappiness
An intensely imagery rich piece of writing. The details the writer incorporates in describing the colors in this poem help the reader conjure up a crystal clear image of seagulls gorging on a lone fish. The picture accompanying the poem is wisely chosen to further enhance the writer's words. I found the layout of the poem very interesting and felt this type of arrangement of sentences made for clearer and easier reading of the piece. The poem was extremely fluid in flow and the writer made excellent use of alliteration throughout. Well written, precise word choice to achieve maximum impact on the reader, and well constructed!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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An intensely imagery rich piece of writing. The details the writer incorporates in describing the colors in this poem help the reader conjure up a crystal clear image of seagulls gorging on a lone fish. The picture accompanying the poem is wisely chosen to further enhance the writer's words. I found the layout of the poem very interesting and felt this type of arrangement of sentences made for clearer and easier reading of the piece. The poem was extremely fluid in flow and the writer made excellent use of alliteration throughout. Well written, precise word choice to achieve maximum impact on the reader, and well constructed!
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from manicblue
Oh dear - you got me on the last line "my entrails", so I reread it. It began on a soothing note until the soaring birds plucked their dinner out of the sea. I hope "my" is a fish. I'm just kidding - am up too late.
I really did enjoy your poem and wish you well in this contest.
mb
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Oh dear - you got me on the last line "my entrails", so I reread it. It began on a soothing note until the soaring birds plucked their dinner out of the sea. I hope "my" is a fish. I'm just kidding - am up too late.
I really did enjoy your poem and wish you well in this contest.
mb
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, mb
The last reviewer said he hadn't had his morning cup of tea!
Here's a hint - the gulls represent doubt....
Steve
Comment from Orphan33
Nicely written free verse. Image is very complimentary to your words and nice flow. Continued success in all of your writing.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Nicely written free verse. Image is very complimentary to your words and nice flow. Continued success in all of your writing.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the kind review.
Steve
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Steve
I enjoyed this excellent free verse poem, a terrific entry for the contest. You capture these scavengers very well. They are so graceful over green ocean waves, but disgraceful as they circle over a village dump. Wolves of the sky, who aren't above ripping your corpse apart to get at those delectable organ tissues.
I like your form, sliding lines like the children's game of "Snakes and Ladders". They describe the flight of sea gulls,
"sliding
on
ghost-grey wings"
I wrote a children's poem a while back called "Robbie the Sea Gull". The third verse went like this:
"They lifted their beaks
and flapped feathered wings,
becoming a grey,
black and ivory string."
Your poem made me remember the way I tried to describe a flock of gulls. But your entire poem actually looks like the flock.
My favourite line,
"beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes" ...nice alliteration with "beaks bayonet", the gull's weapon.
I also like the way you end the poem, on a personal note,
"as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails"... great imagery!
Nicely penned! I intend on reading more of your poetry.
Good Luck in the contest!
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Hi Steve
I enjoyed this excellent free verse poem, a terrific entry for the contest. You capture these scavengers very well. They are so graceful over green ocean waves, but disgraceful as they circle over a village dump. Wolves of the sky, who aren't above ripping your corpse apart to get at those delectable organ tissues.
I like your form, sliding lines like the children's game of "Snakes and Ladders". They describe the flight of sea gulls,
"sliding
on
ghost-grey wings"
I wrote a children's poem a while back called "Robbie the Sea Gull". The third verse went like this:
"They lifted their beaks
and flapped feathered wings,
becoming a grey,
black and ivory string."
Your poem made me remember the way I tried to describe a flock of gulls. But your entire poem actually looks like the flock.
My favourite line,
"beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes" ...nice alliteration with "beaks bayonet", the gull's weapon.
I also like the way you end the poem, on a personal note,
"as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails"... great imagery!
Nicely penned! I intend on reading more of your poetry.
Good Luck in the contest!
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thanks again, Kimbob.
Free verse is not my forte, but I like to shove my oar in from time to time and I was quite pleased with how this ended up.
I appreciate the six stars.
Steve
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Thanks again, Kimbob.
Free verse is not my forte, but I like to shove my oar in from time to time and I was quite pleased with how this ended up.
I appreciate the six stars.
Steve
Comment from the blue pixel
Starting your "sliding" presentation of descending words with the word itself was very clever Steve as was the original "bars" when describing s sunset. It's almost impossible to be original here. I can then see the frenzied feed on those tiny silver fish that go crazy in shallow water and your final personalization with "my entrails" made this poem one I actually felt. You taught me that a poem does not have rhyme or have perfect metre to be memorable. Best of luck in the contest to you. x Carol
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Starting your "sliding" presentation of descending words with the word itself was very clever Steve as was the original "bars" when describing s sunset. It's almost impossible to be original here. I can then see the frenzied feed on those tiny silver fish that go crazy in shallow water and your final personalization with "my entrails" made this poem one I actually felt. You taught me that a poem does not have rhyme or have perfect metre to be memorable. Best of luck in the contest to you. x Carol
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Carol.
I haven't abandoned my rhyme and meter roots - just strolling on the other side of the street to see how the view is from there!
Steve
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Thanks, Carol.
I haven't abandoned my rhyme and meter roots - just strolling on the other side of the street to see how the view is from there!
Steve
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I think the sun shines whatever side of the street you are on. BTW, aren't you glad that you entered the Limerick Contest. lol What the...? xx Carol
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I think the sun shines whatever side of the street you are on. BTW, aren't you glad that you entered the Limerick Contest. lol What the...? xx Carol
Comment from visionary1234
oooh, so you mean I shouldn't give you a 'poor fish' review then?? Excellent free verse - and this from the master of rhyme & rhythm. I bow at the feet of the master! Yep - doubt & negative ego can surely eat us alive!
:)S
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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oooh, so you mean I shouldn't give you a 'poor fish' review then?? Excellent free verse - and this from the master of rhyme & rhythm. I bow at the feet of the master! Yep - doubt & negative ego can surely eat us alive!
:)S
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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oooh! You sneaky thing, looking at my reviews and replies.....
You are right, I rarely even attempt free verse and when I do it always seems to slip into a negative viewpoint.
Steve
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oooh! You sneaky thing, looking at my reviews and replies.....
You are right, I rarely even attempt free verse and when I do it always seems to slip into a negative viewpoint.
Steve
