The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Ten Oakes"Love Among the Thorns
39 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Wonderful writing, Amada. Wow! "could hear the sound of raindrops drumming, like tiny fingers, against the pane."
There is an old saying by the pros that says one should never start a story with the weather, but you have done well here.
Terrific images thourghout, too:
"After Joseph passed through the first gate, a ground keeper yanked open the second gate allowing the car to pass. Nathan lowered the car window and stared out. His eyes fell upon the huge spread of grass, the multi-level gardens and a beautiful in-ground fountain that shot water 10 feet into the air. There--a short distance away, stood a tall two-story white mansion with giant pillars on either side"
And your use of dialogue is superb. this piece deserves six stars, but I am like the bum on the corner...flat out.
So sorry. Merry Christmas. Bob
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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Wonderful writing, Amada. Wow! "could hear the sound of raindrops drumming, like tiny fingers, against the pane."
There is an old saying by the pros that says one should never start a story with the weather, but you have done well here.
Terrific images thourghout, too:
"After Joseph passed through the first gate, a ground keeper yanked open the second gate allowing the car to pass. Nathan lowered the car window and stared out. His eyes fell upon the huge spread of grass, the multi-level gardens and a beautiful in-ground fountain that shot water 10 feet into the air. There--a short distance away, stood a tall two-story white mansion with giant pillars on either side"
And your use of dialogue is superb. this piece deserves six stars, but I am like the bum on the corner...flat out.
So sorry. Merry Christmas. Bob
Comment Written 18-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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Thank you very much for this review, Bob. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Comment from mfowler
I'm new to the story but it didn't take long to get caught up in the privileged and tense world of Nate and Grace. It's quite incredible how the urge to reproduce causes such angst for couples, but in these times and in the heady ego driven world of the rich, making a carbon copy takes on great importance. I think you've played out the scenario of the frustration over having a baby, very well. I found that your description of the return to the new home very convincing and found myself absorbed in the grandiose manner of the home very easily. Naming the child after an ex-lover is a good device for creating tension and drama in this epic type of storytelling. I'll be interested to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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I'm new to the story but it didn't take long to get caught up in the privileged and tense world of Nate and Grace. It's quite incredible how the urge to reproduce causes such angst for couples, but in these times and in the heady ego driven world of the rich, making a carbon copy takes on great importance. I think you've played out the scenario of the frustration over having a baby, very well. I found that your description of the return to the new home very convincing and found myself absorbed in the grandiose manner of the home very easily. Naming the child after an ex-lover is a good device for creating tension and drama in this epic type of storytelling. I'll be interested to see what happens next.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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Wow, I've already voted for reviewer of the month and can't vote for another, otherwise, I would vote for you. Thank you for your very thorough review of my chapter. It is so encouraging. I'm so glad you notice some highlights in this story. I tried to make the miscarriages as realistic and dramatic as I could. Blessings to you, my dear. Merry Christmas.
Comment from Erik McGinley
I liked the way you interspersed the dialog with sufficient, and good, description to bring the setting to life.
You suggest lack of excitement in your note, but the interaction between the characters is good and makes for a good focus of attention.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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I liked the way you interspersed the dialog with sufficient, and good, description to bring the setting to life.
You suggest lack of excitement in your note, but the interaction between the characters is good and makes for a good focus of attention.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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?Thank you Erik. This is a very encouraging review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
An enjoyable read that might make any reader jealous of such an extravagant wedding gift. :-) Thanks for the well written and entertaining chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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An enjoyable read that might make any reader jealous of such an extravagant wedding gift. :-) Thanks for the well written and entertaining chapter.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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And thank you for reading and reviewing.
Comment from ericawrites
This is an excellent chapter, well written, easy to follow, holds the reader's attention right to the end.
Just one spag noted:
galloping to my rescue like I was some damsel in distress(ed)."
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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This is an excellent chapter, well written, easy to follow, holds the reader's attention right to the end.
Just one spag noted:
galloping to my rescue like I was some damsel in distress(ed)."
Comment Written 18-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2013
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Thank you enicawrites for you review. But it is damsel in distress.
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Yes, that's what I thought but you wrote "damsel in distressed"
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Oh! I wasn't aware I had put "ed" on distress. Thank you. I thought you were telling me to add the "ed". My Bad! Smile.
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No worries... I should have made it clearer in my review. :-)
Comment from Ruucnor
"The 34 room mansion featured 10 bedromm" I'm sure you meant bedrooms.
I had to try really hard to find something in this that wasn't perfect. I loved the story and the cliffhanger at the end. I am intrigued to find out what happens to your lovely couple and the baby who may be named after his lost love.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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"The 34 room mansion featured 10 bedromm" I'm sure you meant bedrooms.
I had to try really hard to find something in this that wasn't perfect. I loved the story and the cliffhanger at the end. I am intrigued to find out what happens to your lovely couple and the baby who may be named after his lost love.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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Thank you Ruucnor. I'll check on that typo.
Comment from pickthorn
It looks like Nathan and Grace are getting off to a rocky start in their married life. I haven't read the other chapters but the story is well written and it held my interest throughout. Here is used improperly in this sentence, "Nathan could here outside his hotel window the sound of new", should be 'hear.'
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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It looks like Nathan and Grace are getting off to a rocky start in their married life. I haven't read the other chapters but the story is well written and it held my interest throughout. Here is used improperly in this sentence, "Nathan could here outside his hotel window the sound of new", should be 'hear.'
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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Thank you, that was an oversight. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from wadamani
I thought this was a well constructed story. Well written and the dialogue didn't seem to overshadow the plot. Suspenseful, dramatic and overall a good read.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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I thought this was a well constructed story. Well written and the dialogue didn't seem to overshadow the plot. Suspenseful, dramatic and overall a good read.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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Thank you wadamani.
Comment from amada
I liked the Google image. I love stories of those times and this morning I had a little time to read. This is my first chapter but I could somehow understand what is going on. Dramatic and very well written.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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I liked the Google image. I love stories of those times and this morning I had a little time to read. This is my first chapter but I could somehow understand what is going on. Dramatic and very well written.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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Thank you amada.
Comment from goompa
I'm one of those who is knew to the story, but I find it interesting and well-written and I will surely read more of it. Good j ob!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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I'm one of those who is knew to the story, but I find it interesting and well-written and I will surely read more of it. Good j ob!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2013
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Thank you, goompa.
