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Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Between The Lines"Poetry about poetry
18 total reviews
Comment from NadineM
Jewell,
This poem has me a bit confused. Perhaps I need some coffee before reading... perhaps it's that this seems to be written in the past tense. I've (I have) instead of I feel, or I hear, etc... so is this the romantic heart recalling the past, and not there in the present tense? Does this leave her heart longing and wanting for those feelings of the past? Perhaps this is why I sense this deep sadness even though upon the presentation and light font, it doesn't seem sad at all.
Wondering what centering the words and changing the font might do to create that feathery feel below this pretty artwork.
As always, you use great adjectives to create mood and imagery!
Thanks for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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Jewell,
This poem has me a bit confused. Perhaps I need some coffee before reading... perhaps it's that this seems to be written in the past tense. I've (I have) instead of I feel, or I hear, etc... so is this the romantic heart recalling the past, and not there in the present tense? Does this leave her heart longing and wanting for those feelings of the past? Perhaps this is why I sense this deep sadness even though upon the presentation and light font, it doesn't seem sad at all.
Wondering what centering the words and changing the font might do to create that feathery feel below this pretty artwork.
As always, you use great adjectives to create mood and imagery!
Thanks for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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It's not sad at all and yes probably reminiscent.
Sometimes as I read posts right here at fanstory, I am left wanting for more. It may have been derived from that emotion.
I don't even recall. Found it in my archived work but I know it was to encourage fellow writers to pull from the depths, beauty in words.
I will consider the font and centering idea!
Comment from Galactia
What a beautiful written poem expressing love in all it's beauty.
my favourite stanza is....
I've heard your sensual tune
in carefully composed lines
Between the words of eloquence
a rose has come to bloom
I've experienced you
in fragrant eminence
A garland for my senses
Your song has kissed my soul
great job
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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What a beautiful written poem expressing love in all it's beauty.
my favourite stanza is....
I've heard your sensual tune
in carefully composed lines
Between the words of eloquence
a rose has come to bloom
I've experienced you
in fragrant eminence
A garland for my senses
Your song has kissed my soul
great job
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much Galactia!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, jewell, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about experiencing love first hand, i loved the first one the best==hastened breaths as fingers trace
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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this is very well written, jewell, you did an excellent job writing this free verse poem about experiencing love first hand, i loved the first one the best==hastened breaths as fingers trace
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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thanks dear!
Comment from Rondeno
This beautiful poem speaks eloquently of falling in love, all the more convincingly because it doesn't say so directly. You have selected some delightful images to reinforce your message.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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This beautiful poem speaks eloquently of falling in love, all the more convincingly because it doesn't say so directly. You have selected some delightful images to reinforce your message.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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This is a poem dedicated to romantic poets, beseeching them to write it all down and share it openly.
I sometimes get disappointed in what I read when love poems are so cliche' and I long to see more...oh so much more.
Comment from dancerwriter
An lovely way to express ones love.Though this poem has no rhythm, it still leaves touch of truth and love in the rather profound wording.Good job, Lesley.j.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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An lovely way to express ones love.Though this poem has no rhythm, it still leaves touch of truth and love in the rather profound wording.Good job, Lesley.j.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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thank you. It's free verse
Comment from EricaJanelle
This is gorgeous I love your use of sensual imagery, it flows well. Have you tried writing in Iambic Pentameter?
You probably know what it is, ten syllables a line?
As well as supposed to mimic everyday speech, it can be used to give a poem the rhythm of a heartbeat, it might be a nice effect on a romantic poem, but it depends on your style, keep up the great work!
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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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This is gorgeous I love your use of sensual imagery, it flows well. Have you tried writing in Iambic Pentameter?
You probably know what it is, ten syllables a line?
As well as supposed to mimic everyday speech, it can be used to give a poem the rhythm of a heartbeat, it might be a nice effect on a romantic poem, but it depends on your style, keep up the great work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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Yes, sometimes I write very formed poetry.
I think our minds get accustomed to reading in a rhythm and when they find a completely loose free verse, get thrown off.
Try again...
remember Pablo Neruda and other free verse writers? They didn't write with meter. They just composed and beauty flowed.
I'm an out of the box composer. Not for everyone, I suppose.
I really appreciate your comments!
Comment from kiwisteveh
Clever use of an apparent love poem to convey a different kind of love affair - love of poetry.
Carefully contrived assonance gives the piece a romantic feel.
Not sure about eminence....
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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Clever use of an apparent love poem to convey a different kind of love affair - love of poetry.
Carefully contrived assonance gives the piece a romantic feel.
Not sure about eminence....
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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thanks
Comment from visionary1234
"Aloha" fellow Visionary - we meet at last! though I think you might have reviewed one of my pieces a few weeks ago? Love your sweet metaphysical style, layers of love memories here by the sounds of it? :) Sharyn
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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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"Aloha" fellow Visionary - we meet at last! though I think you might have reviewed one of my pieces a few weeks ago? Love your sweet metaphysical style, layers of love memories here by the sounds of it? :) Sharyn
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2012
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Thanks Sharyn.
