Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hi. I enjoyed this chapter--I need to back read the rest as I have been away so much. I am a little rusty at reviewing so can't say I am good looking for SPAG, sorry.
thanks for posting this one:-)
padumachitta

 Comment Written 08-May-2015

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reply by the author on 08-May-2015

Hi, Padu

Thank you very much for taking time out to read my chapter. I really appreciate that! Good to hear from you.

Bev

Comment from giraffmang

Good

Hi there,

What is it with Maine? So much seems to go there!

Good descriptiveness and the tone is spot on. I enjoyed reading the piece but there were a couple of little niggles that bothered me.

Still using film in 2010? camera went dead leading to believe it was a digital camera?

I'll have to re-charge the battery back at the Inn, which means I won't know until tomorrow if I captured anything. What kind of camera is she using. Does she have a developing room in the hotel? And surely if its a digital its on a card which could be taken out and looked at. Also a short battery charge for an hour or two would give enough power to view a dozen pictures.

Why take the camera if its dead?

After that episode, Emma made sure she had a digital voice recorder nearby during their investigations - if this ran on a battery, surely it would be drained to.

I found the piece to be very atmospheric, with a good tone. The characters were well thought out and appealing. I think the camera issue is a minor one but the rules around paranormal energy draining need to be consistent in regard to the voice recorder too.

Good luck with this.
GMG

 Comment Written 08-May-2015

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reply by the author on 08-May-2015

Thank you for taking time to review. I appreciate your thoughts on the camera.

The 'rules' around paranormal energy drainage are that the instrument (DVR) needs to be on to be drained.
It was not.

Comment from Connie C

Exceptional

I'm so glad I have a few sixes to give this week. How interesting that ghosts can interfere with electrical devices--a nice touch to add to the eerie tone of the chapter. While I'm picking up this chapter in the middle of your book, I still find your writing, Bev, to be wonderfully effective in the use of dialogue and description. Your use of description works really well in helping the reader see what is going on. And I can never find a single spag with your chapters--try as I might! Great job, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 08-May-2015

Connie, thanks for taking time out to read my chapter. I appreciate your generosity and encouragement. You're always
so supportive.

Hope you and your daughter both enjoy a wonderful Mother's Day! How is Jack doing these days?

Hugs, Bev

Comment from beizanten

Good

Very good, scary, interesing and intriguing! Good job! The language isn't dull and he interesting, the character alive and interestin. Love that the main character can channel spirit!!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thank you for your review. :)

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Exceptional

What a chapter, Bev - quite gruesome
and yet exciting. And how frightening
for Mia to witness the torture and murder
of the maid whilst in a trance.

Charles Bellingham is a Satanist indeed - so cruel and
terrifying -

great writing deserving of a six, my friend.

Margaret

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thank you much, Margaret. I'm very encouraged by your support and encouragement. It's especially
great coming from a writer I admire tremendously.

:) Bev

Comment from thee-name

Excellent

Excellent chapter. Writing was interesting.

Emma rummaged through the surveillance equipment piled in the rear of the van. "Dammit, where is that camera case? I'm losing precious seconds."

suggestion: add quotation marks to Dammit & seconds.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thanks so much for this very generous review. T. The section you mention is internal dialogue, so it doesn't require quotation marks. I do appreciate the suggestion, though.

:) Bev

reply by thee-name on 07-May-2015

thank you! :>)

Comment from Shirley McLain

Excellent

That certainly got my attention. It's a very strong story line and the characters are appropriate. I could see the scenes in my minds eye because of your descriptive writing. Great job.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thank so much, Okiegal. I really appreciate you stopping by to read and review my chapter. :) Bev

Comment from Adri7enne

Excellent

"The surface I'm walking is pake down dirt." That entire section is written in present tense. I can understand the quotes being in present tense, but should you have done the narration in present tense also? I don't think it's necessary, but that's just my opinion. Actually, it might work quite well. It might be fine that way.

Pretty horrifying scene, Bev. Wouldn't it be great to be able to banish evil in such a direct way. Well done, Bev.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thanks so much, Adrienne. I took a bit of a chance with that section. Literary license, you might say. I've actually been able to banish negative energies by using tools like the Lord's prayer and the rosary.

Great to hear from you.

:) Bev

Comment from Green Lake Girl

Excellent

Dang it, Bev! I'm out of sixers for the week, or you'd surely have one. I didn't realize spirits could wreak havoc with electrical devices. Tell Emma to carry an extra battery pack with her, although that probably would've failed too. Yikes.

Extra frightening was the scene Mia described while in a trance. The thought of such powerful negative and evil forces is horrific. You really draw your readers in, Bev, with your graphic and sensory loaded descriptions. You excel at this subject matter and your writing reveals that.

I really like how Catholicism and Christian beliefs play into this story. The quintessential good vs. evil. It still fascinates me that the only Christian religion that exorcises demons is Catholicism. I don't envy your character, Father Warnick or poor Mia!

Super chapter, Bev. Well written.

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thanks so much, Marietta. Your words are worth an extra star any old day. I really appreciate the depth of this review, and your very pertinent insights, especially about the extra energy pack.

The exorcising of demons is practiced in many evangelical churches, though not with the rigorous external controls employed by the Catholic Church. A supposed victim has to have been examined by a psychiatrist and the medical cleared before exorcism will even be considered. It is truly a last resort. Interestingly, the Church has recently returned to training priests to be exorcists. For a couple of decades, they eschewed that whole business as being better dealt with by scientific methods--though they never felt that way in much of Europe. In fact, more exorcisms are performed in Italy than anywhere else in the world. There are some things that even science cannot totally explain, to my mind.

Thanks again, my friend, for your support and encouragement.

:) Bev

reply by Green Lake Girl on 07-May-2015

Your story prompted me to do some research about Catholic exorcism. I applaud the church for delving into this dark realm. Somebody has to do it. I realize that mental health issues could cloud the issues. But thank goodness there are priests that are willing to truly tackle the dark side. And, I think the rigorous controls are a necessity. All that aside, you write this subject like a master!

reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thanks again, Marietta. I appreciate your compliment.

Those priests take quite a beating, especially the ones who've done a number of them. They never recover totally from the meeting with those dark energies. I agree that we are fortunate to have priests willing to take on that burden.

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

I can see why you won the contest. Your writing has a depth of development that many stories do not have. You pay attention to detail and your conversation is believable. Enjoyed this one and look forward to more. xoxo Kiwi

 Comment Written 07-May-2015

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reply by the author on 07-May-2015

Thank you so much, Kiwigirl. I appreciate your kind review.

:) Bev