Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Chapter 10; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from anabelle
Good chapter, Barbara. The relationship between Leya and Steven seem to be getting a bit complicated here, and she appears to be getting closer to Ralph. This is good conflict developing within the story.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Good chapter, Barbara. The relationship between Leya and Steven seem to be getting a bit complicated here, and she appears to be getting closer to Ralph. This is good conflict developing within the story.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Ralph is a father or grandfather figure, nothing more. Thank you for your kind reveiw.
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Okay. Thanks.
Comment from --Turtle.
Good image, I liked the interaction between the two characters here doing activities that felt natural. Rummaging a fridge, food in the microwave, dialog that is meaningful and easy to hear/see.
This sentence was a bit awkward.
When she didn't answer, Steven started worrying as she stood, took the plate of half-eaten food to the kitchen, took another bite, and said, "I'm going to my room."
You might want to split it up so he's either worried when she didn't answer or the other things.
--Turtle
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Good image, I liked the interaction between the two characters here doing activities that felt natural. Rummaging a fridge, food in the microwave, dialog that is meaningful and easy to hear/see.
This sentence was a bit awkward.
When she didn't answer, Steven started worrying as she stood, took the plate of half-eaten food to the kitchen, took another bite, and said, "I'm going to my room."
You might want to split it up so he's either worried when she didn't answer or the other things.
--Turtle
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for that idea. I will take another look at it.
Comment from HAWordsmith
Nice read. Wellwritten and well edited. Good development of the relationship between the characters and interesting storyline. Not long enough for a full chapter though. This story continues to be a pleasure to read. Thank you for posting. Many blessings.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Nice read. Wellwritten and well edited. Good development of the relationship between the characters and interesting storyline. Not long enough for a full chapter though. This story continues to be a pleasure to read. Thank you for posting. Many blessings.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Savoy8you
I really like how you have good and detailed stories. I love reading all of the chapters you write and keep on writing. You are a winner good job keep it up
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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I really like how you have good and detailed stories. I love reading all of the chapters you write and keep on writing. You are a winner good job keep it up
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from dan grob
You've done a really good job here of setting things up for your next chapter, I really enjoyed what I read so far, thank you very much.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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You've done a really good job here of setting things up for your next chapter, I really enjoyed what I read so far, thank you very much.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from azwildrosa
Great story. Your words flow perfectly. Trust is obviously an issue. You've done a great job in leaving me clues as to why and how she might have leaned not to trust. great story, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Great story. Your words flow perfectly. Trust is obviously an issue. You've done a great job in leaving me clues as to why and how she might have leaned not to trust. great story, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
As he stared out the bedroom window, he repeated, "[There's] other ways to hurt somebody. What did she mean by that?" - There are
hi barb, I'm glad you're getting them closer as they should be. Looks like steven still has a lot to learn with regards to understanding a woman. I look forward to their next exchanges.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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As he stared out the bedroom window, he repeated, "[There's] other ways to hurt somebody. What did she mean by that?" - There are
hi barb, I'm glad you're getting them closer as they should be. Looks like steven still has a lot to learn with regards to understanding a woman. I look forward to their next exchanges.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review. I know there are is correct, but I am wondering if in dialogue Steven wouldn't say There's. Not sure, but I will rethink it.
Comment from Oatmeal
barbara,
This was a good chapter. The narration was good. The conversations flowed well. The characters were very real.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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barbara,
This was a good chapter. The narration was good. The conversations flowed well. The characters were very real.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 16-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Arkine
She thought he was talking about only physical abuse and he's just not quite thinking because he, it seems, was talking about physical and mental. Or, maybe he just doesn't understand that she's in love with him too but assumes that he'll leave as soon as she's safe. Anyhow, great chapter! Didn't see any nits. :)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2010
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She thought he was talking about only physical abuse and he's just not quite thinking because he, it seems, was talking about physical and mental. Or, maybe he just doesn't understand that she's in love with him too but assumes that he'll leave as soon as she's safe. Anyhow, great chapter! Didn't see any nits. :)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2010
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The answer to your question will be answered in the next post. Thank you for your review.
Comment from empire76
This sounds like a transitional part of the story. It moves things along. I have liked to see you slow down a little when they were talking about punishment and hurting. That's Leya's conflict and you should really try to let the reader bond with your characters at points like that.
Also, I hoped Steven would push a little harder for her to tell him what kinds of punishment she suffered. Whether or not she told him at this point is irrelevant. But having him push is an opportunity to build more on his character. (righteous anger at the people who hurt her in the past)
That's my two cents here
Empi
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2010
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This sounds like a transitional part of the story. It moves things along. I have liked to see you slow down a little when they were talking about punishment and hurting. That's Leya's conflict and you should really try to let the reader bond with your characters at points like that.
Also, I hoped Steven would push a little harder for her to tell him what kinds of punishment she suffered. Whether or not she told him at this point is irrelevant. But having him push is an opportunity to build more on his character. (righteous anger at the people who hurt her in the past)
That's my two cents here
Empi
Comment Written 16-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2010
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He pushed in my next post and finds discovers many things about Leya. An entire chapter worth. Thank you for you review.
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oh, great. I look forward to it. (rubbing hands together with glee)
Empi
