Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Chapter 4 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from FredCollingwood
I think Leyla is hoping for more of a real marriage, but Steve doesn't appear to be on the same page. I wonder if he'll come around.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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I think Leyla is hoping for more of a real marriage, but Steve doesn't appear to be on the same page. I wonder if he'll come around.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2009
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We'll have to wait and see. Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from L.lora
Baarbara this is a well
thought out and presented
chapter with excellent portrayals
of all the characters to date.
The illusion being kept and I
suspect Dani is pushing for it
to become more than a mock mar-
riage, she's doing a good job
at pushing buttons. It was a
fast paced read and most enjoyable.
no nits...Lora
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Baarbara this is a well
thought out and presented
chapter with excellent portrayals
of all the characters to date.
The illusion being kept and I
suspect Dani is pushing for it
to become more than a mock mar-
riage, she's doing a good job
at pushing buttons. It was a
fast paced read and most enjoyable.
no nits...Lora
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Freeflyer
Hmmm. I wonder what Dani is trying to achieve. I cannot see anything going to plan here. A lot of feelings are changing and growing.
Keep 'em coming.
Maz, (Freeflyer)
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Hmmm. I wonder what Dani is trying to achieve. I cannot see anything going to plan here. A lot of feelings are changing and growing.
Keep 'em coming.
Maz, (Freeflyer)
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for the review. I appreciate the kind words.
Comment from Brindle.T
No, not much action, but it is full of pace and foreshadowing...The writing is very tight lean and crisp and moves the story along without redundancy or waste. I enjoyed it, well done.
This is good writing.
I have a couple of suggestions below...
"Steven glanced around area." Little typo here.
Steven shoved up the sleeves of his shirt. Glancing toward Matt, Steven continued, " And this is how to hide a present participle... :) nicely done....lol
Tony
xx
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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No, not much action, but it is full of pace and foreshadowing...The writing is very tight lean and crisp and moves the story along without redundancy or waste. I enjoyed it, well done.
This is good writing.
I have a couple of suggestions below...
"Steven glanced around area." Little typo here.
Steven shoved up the sleeves of his shirt. Glancing toward Matt, Steven continued, " And this is how to hide a present participle... :) nicely done....lol
Tony
xx
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I will fix those mistakes. You're the only one who caught them.
Comment from ladybird
I think this is a very nice chapter. I don't think action is required in every chapter.This one allowed the reader to see Steven's and Lela's emotions. I think they are getting closer, whether Steven wants to or not.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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I think this is a very nice chapter. I don't think action is required in every chapter.This one allowed the reader to see Steven's and Lela's emotions. I think they are getting closer, whether Steven wants to or not.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Steven does not want it, and does all he can humanly do to fight it. Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from knowledge
I like this. You did a great job. This post keeps your reader interested and turning pages. Very professional.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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I like this. You did a great job. This post keeps your reader interested and turning pages. Very professional.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Nicnac
Hmm...
Dani is clever. LOL She is trying to pair them up for real. ;) I'm really starting to feel sorry for Leya. She is going through the motions but feels helpless and empty.
Steven seems to be a little more at ease with Leya. The stubborn man is afraid of losing control, so he still keeps his distance. haha
Suggestions:
We'll be there (in) fifteen minutes
Steven glanced around (the) area
he put it on his left ring finger,(;) experience had taught him
I like the little nuances (Steven rubbing the back of his neck / Leya biting her lip). They add a lot to the imagery.
Nice work, Barbara. :)
Nic
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Hmm...
Dani is clever. LOL She is trying to pair them up for real. ;) I'm really starting to feel sorry for Leya. She is going through the motions but feels helpless and empty.
Steven seems to be a little more at ease with Leya. The stubborn man is afraid of losing control, so he still keeps his distance. haha
Suggestions:
We'll be there (in) fifteen minutes
Steven glanced around (the) area
he put it on his left ring finger,(;) experience had taught him
I like the little nuances (Steven rubbing the back of his neck / Leya biting her lip). They add a lot to the imagery.
Nice work, Barbara. :)
Nic
Comment Written 24-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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I always wait to hear from you, to see where I missed up. Thank you for catching them.
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You're welcome, Barbara. I'm glad I was helpful. :)
Comment from Summer Falls
You say there is not much action, but there is. The action between Leya and Steven's looks are full of intrigue. Oh my!
As usual, your chapters do not disappoint.
Summer
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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You say there is not much action, but there is. The action between Leya and Steven's looks are full of intrigue. Oh my!
As usual, your chapters do not disappoint.
Summer
Comment Written 23-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review and your continued support. Hey, I'm missing my favorite romance writer. Do you have anything in the works???
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I am working on a fantasy for that Breathless Press contest. But it is so steamy I am hesitating on posting it.
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Steamy? I love it already.
Comment from djyarrum
I'm sorry but I found it a little boring. I realize it was setting the scene for further developments but nothing about it really gabbed me. You need to be careful when presenting a piece, (particularly if it's a chapter from a novel) that you grab the attention of the reader in a big way, otherwise he/she is likely to put it down and never get to read it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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I'm sorry but I found it a little boring. I realize it was setting the scene for further developments but nothing about it really gabbed me. You need to be careful when presenting a piece, (particularly if it's a chapter from a novel) that you grab the attention of the reader in a big way, otherwise he/she is likely to put it down and never get to read it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I am sorry you didn't like it. I appreciate your input and will relook the post.
Comment from c molly bloom
barbara: What do you mean, no action? I can feel plenty of action between Leya and Steven; it's just subtle and sweet. At least in the only chapter I've read so far. A nice set up for what is to come. The dialogue is true to the characters, it moves at a good pace and the nonverbal gestures of Leya and Steven speak volumes. A great read. I'll look into the previous chapters to catch up. Just a typo in the fourth paragraph: "We'll be there (in) fifteen minutes." c molly bloom
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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barbara: What do you mean, no action? I can feel plenty of action between Leya and Steven; it's just subtle and sweet. At least in the only chapter I've read so far. A nice set up for what is to come. The dialogue is true to the characters, it moves at a good pace and the nonverbal gestures of Leya and Steven speak volumes. A great read. I'll look into the previous chapters to catch up. Just a typo in the fourth paragraph: "We'll be there (in) fifteen minutes." c molly bloom
Comment Written 23-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
