Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Chapter 3 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
41 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Heh heh - a mans favorite words... I'll do anything. ;)
I enjoyed this chapter, Barbara. I can foresee a very sticky situation ahead. haha "unless it is consummated" keeps ringing in my ears. I have a hunch some monkey business is going to be irresistible.
Suggestions:
They'll either have to stay married or get a divorce (You'd instead of They'll)
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searching his (searched)
Have I mentioned to you that Steven makes my mouth water? hehe
Nic
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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Heh heh - a mans favorite words... I'll do anything. ;)
I enjoyed this chapter, Barbara. I can foresee a very sticky situation ahead. haha "unless it is consummated" keeps ringing in my ears. I have a hunch some monkey business is going to be irresistible.
Suggestions:
They'll either have to stay married or get a divorce (You'd instead of They'll)
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searching his (searched)
Have I mentioned to you that Steven makes my mouth water? hehe
Nic
Comment Written 15-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2009
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I hope your mouth keeps watering. Thank you for your review. I always love hearing from you. You will be seeing a lot more of Steven in the future.
Comment from Phil Kitom
Wow what a quandary this puts Steven in. Will
he marry Leya and not consummate the marriage.
I am sure things will not go quite according
to plan for I think secretly she has designs
on him but only time will tell... Enjoyable
Story ...
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Wow what a quandary this puts Steven in. Will
he marry Leya and not consummate the marriage.
I am sure things will not go quite according
to plan for I think secretly she has designs
on him but only time will tell... Enjoyable
Story ...
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and continued support.
Comment from Shane Marquardt
Great chapter. Had a lot of fun reading. I would give a little more description to the "straw drawing." Seems like a pretty big scene.
"I understand. (Now get off that subject)." Why does discussing sex and Leya in the same sentence bother me?
(I suggest removing the line "Now get off that subject." The sentence reads more smooth without it)
"I'm under the impression you'd do anything to help her." (great line)
""Tell me. I'll do anything." (trust me, Steve, after marriage you'll never hear that line again. lol)
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Great chapter. Had a lot of fun reading. I would give a little more description to the "straw drawing." Seems like a pretty big scene.
"I understand. (Now get off that subject)." Why does discussing sex and Leya in the same sentence bother me?
(I suggest removing the line "Now get off that subject." The sentence reads more smooth without it)
"I'm under the impression you'd do anything to help her." (great line)
""Tell me. I'll do anything." (trust me, Steve, after marriage you'll never hear that line again. lol)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Shame on you. I feel like I'm always doing something for my husband. Thank you for your reveiw. I love your insight.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
That could work, but I don't see Stephen and Leya having an unconsumated marriage, since there seems to already be chemistry between them.
An interesting chapter. Wonder what Leya will make of the suggestion?
Juliette
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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That could work, but I don't see Stephen and Leya having an unconsumated marriage, since there seems to already be chemistry between them.
An interesting chapter. Wonder what Leya will make of the suggestion?
Juliette
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'll let you know all of my reviewers believe that will one consumated marriage.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Good dialogue, Barbara - but my goodness,
what a predicament.
"He's working out. Yes, this is Dani - I'd be inclined to change this around..
"Yes, this is Dani. Matt is working out. When he came to bed last night..
"Any man temporarily marries Leya, and as soon as she doesn't need to be married, they get an annulment. - this doesn't sound quite right... how about...
"Any man who temporarily marries Leya, could get an annulment once she doesn't need to be married anymore.
Just a thought!
Margaret.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Good dialogue, Barbara - but my goodness,
what a predicament.
"He's working out. Yes, this is Dani - I'd be inclined to change this around..
"Yes, this is Dani. Matt is working out. When he came to bed last night..
"Any man temporarily marries Leya, and as soon as she doesn't need to be married, they get an annulment. - this doesn't sound quite right... how about...
"Any man who temporarily marries Leya, could get an annulment once she doesn't need to be married anymore.
Just a thought!
Margaret.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you I like your suggestions. Thank you.
Comment from nora arjuna
When Leya opened the door, he felt her eyes searching his.
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searched his. - no need to use 'felt', cause he could see her eyes.
hmm, can steven resist her? it's funny how Dani kept reminding him on that part. we'll see.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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When Leya opened the door, he felt her eyes searching his.
When Leya opened the door, her eyes searched his. - no need to use 'felt', cause he could see her eyes.
hmm, can steven resist her? it's funny how Dani kept reminding him on that part. we'll see.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I always appreciate your input.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Can Catholics get an unconsummated marriage annulled even these days? I find so many surprises in my reading on this site.
Very well writte. I haven't read preceding chapters but this held my interest. Characterisation is very good and dialogue is natural.
Warm wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Can Catholics get an unconsummated marriage annulled even these days? I find so many surprises in my reading on this site.
Very well writte. I haven't read preceding chapters but this held my interest. Characterisation is very good and dialogue is natural.
Warm wishes
Kat
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
Steven even lost the draw of the straw...fate has already taken his number. Leya and Steven are meant to end up together...besides how is he going to keep his hands off her when he can legally do it????? Great chapter.
Carol
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Barbara
Steven even lost the draw of the straw...fate has already taken his number. Leya and Steven are meant to end up together...besides how is he going to keep his hands off her when he can legally do it????? Great chapter.
Carol
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Wait and see. Poor Steven he will work extremely hard to be a good guy. Love hearing from you.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice and intriguing chapter. The problem is spectacular and so is the solution proffered. I think it would be interesting to read the other chapters. kudos
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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This is a nice and intriguing chapter. The problem is spectacular and so is the solution proffered. I think it would be interesting to read the other chapters. kudos
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and your kind words.
Comment from Mengleoh67
Ah geez, way to make a girl feel special! I drew the short straw so I have to be the solution to your problem. LOL Lucky for me I'm thinking Steven isn't going to make a whole month with the lack of consummation idea.
Another brilliant chapter and everything I said before remains true here. Good strong character interaction and dialogue, smooth pace to the storyline. I can't wait for more.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Ah geez, way to make a girl feel special! I drew the short straw so I have to be the solution to your problem. LOL Lucky for me I'm thinking Steven isn't going to make a whole month with the lack of consummation idea.
Another brilliant chapter and everything I said before remains true here. Good strong character interaction and dialogue, smooth pace to the storyline. I can't wait for more.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and the constant support.
