Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Run!"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
20 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
I can't think of a better word then "fuck you." I like Andy's spunk. It sounds like Candace is as spunky as he is. Andy pushed the issue but not so much as to be foolish. He demands to see his wife but backs down when they get violent. He is always vigilant.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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I can't think of a better word then "fuck you." I like Andy's spunk. It sounds like Candace is as spunky as he is. Andy pushed the issue but not so much as to be foolish. He demands to see his wife but backs down when they get violent. He is always vigilant.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Hey RW,
Thanks for the great comments and your take on this one. Glad it filled the bill!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
Very clever, good move with walking Andy down from the cabin. Sorry our heroes fell for it and took off after the car.
Love and blessings
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Very clever, good move with walking Andy down from the cabin. Sorry our heroes fell for it and took off after the car.
Love and blessings
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Well, ya gotta run with the ball you have! Yes, it's a goose chase for sure. Can't wait to see what's in the warehouse!
Hugs, big thanks and love,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Marvelous chapter and I thought the language was perfect for the situation. Sometimes, Gayle, nothing else carries the vehemence needed to portray one's feelings properly, except some hefty curse words. I'm fascinated by what is happening. Good work.
Renie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Marvelous chapter and I thought the language was perfect for the situation. Sometimes, Gayle, nothing else carries the vehemence needed to portray one's feelings properly, except some hefty curse words. I'm fascinated by what is happening. Good work.
Renie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hi Hon,
Ehgads, y'know, it's true but it still hate to do it. I used to do it a whole lot more in these situations, like with Slim...remember. I was able to change most of those out for the lesser evil, but here, I just couldn't figure what else might work.
Glad you didn't faint!
Huggers,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
this is an outstanding segment, Annabelle. We couldn't ask for a better action scene. You did get a little wordy but no sweat. I'll send you a not with my nit-pics.
Freddie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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this is an outstanding segment, Annabelle. We couldn't ask for a better action scene. You did get a little wordy but no sweat. I'll send you a not with my nit-pics.
Freddie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hi Freddie,
You know me...chatty Cathy! I'll pare'em down, cause you know your stuff. God, you're the best.
Hugs and love,
Annabelle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Gayle, I am not familiar with your country but I got the impression that's not where you left off in the last chapter. So it was a bit confusing at the start. Other than that I think you are doing quite well. I am blind to the bad language, so I didn't read it, no I did not see it. LOL But realistically you need to add this colourful lingo to make it look authentic. Nice description of the hunting lodge and the stuffed trophies adorning the walls including a plant for decor. Going now to read your next chapter.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Gayle, I am not familiar with your country but I got the impression that's not where you left off in the last chapter. So it was a bit confusing at the start. Other than that I think you are doing quite well. I am blind to the bad language, so I didn't read it, no I did not see it. LOL But realistically you need to add this colourful lingo to make it look authentic. Nice description of the hunting lodge and the stuffed trophies adorning the walls including a plant for decor. Going now to read your next chapter.
Sylvia
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hey Sylvia,
I was trying to do a bit of flashback there, but it didn't work. I'm going to change the ms to put that part in with the other descriptions of them walking in the woods.
Great eye and I'm so glad it can blind itself when necessary. I would never want to offend!
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from nor84
Hello, Countess. Prepare for a review by the Duchess of Ridgecrest.
In the first paragraph, Andy seems to be the victim, not one of the kidnappers. You might want to reread that section, because at first I thought he was one of the kidnappers.
Two years ago, his assistant, Dan, hosted a Labor Day barbeque for their fellow workers in the laboratory.-- I suggest "for their fellow laboratory workers or just "their fellow workers." -- it could be just me, because I haven't had my second cup of coffee, but ending with "in the laboratory" struck me as odd.
Wonderful description of the room with that fern to the fireplace. I could actually see it. I didn't see any Spag.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hello, Countess. Prepare for a review by the Duchess of Ridgecrest.
In the first paragraph, Andy seems to be the victim, not one of the kidnappers. You might want to reread that section, because at first I thought he was one of the kidnappers.
Two years ago, his assistant, Dan, hosted a Labor Day barbeque for their fellow workers in the laboratory.-- I suggest "for their fellow laboratory workers or just "their fellow workers." -- it could be just me, because I haven't had my second cup of coffee, but ending with "in the laboratory" struck me as odd.
Wonderful description of the room with that fern to the fireplace. I could actually see it. I didn't see any Spag.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hello Duchess!
Yes, Andy is the victim. That is not clear? Yeah, they copped him a couple of chapters ago at the Santa Monica pier. Let me go check, m'dear. Something must be amiss!
Thanks so much for stopping by and the eagle eyed comments. Will fix that laboratory thingy!
Hugs,
Cali Countess
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No, from the sentence structure it appeared he was one of the kidnappers. As I said, might've been me.
Comment from Janilou
What an interesting chapter. Do you have problems with the advanced editor? I know I do! Actually the single apostrophes for thoughts works well in the absense of italics.
It is the middle of the novel, and I am not familiar with the plot, but may I say, it is very well written. Even without knowing the background, I was easily drawn into the story. Even though, like you, I don't like using vulgarity, the ending line was perfect. There are times when it is called for, albeit few, and this is one of the best times I can think of!
I didn't see any errors in your work.
Jan
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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What an interesting chapter. Do you have problems with the advanced editor? I know I do! Actually the single apostrophes for thoughts works well in the absense of italics.
It is the middle of the novel, and I am not familiar with the plot, but may I say, it is very well written. Even without knowing the background, I was easily drawn into the story. Even though, like you, I don't like using vulgarity, the ending line was perfect. There are times when it is called for, albeit few, and this is one of the best times I can think of!
I didn't see any errors in your work.
Jan
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hi Jan,
Thank you so much for the great review. I never use the editor...he infests my work with ???'s and I can't figure out why, so I avoid him like the plague!
Thank you so much for the great comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
Hi, Gayle, a well written chapter that throws suspicion on Andy's friend. Profanity is an unique expression. When I taught Self-acceptance, I had the students speak respectfully to their superiors. The expressions had new meanings. "Yes Sir" meant F--- You! The students got higher evaluations and they felt that they were in control. You're in control of your book. Use any expression you wish that fits in the story line. Charlie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hi, Gayle, a well written chapter that throws suspicion on Andy's friend. Profanity is an unique expression. When I taught Self-acceptance, I had the students speak respectfully to their superiors. The expressions had new meanings. "Yes Sir" meant F--- You! The students got higher evaluations and they felt that they were in control. You're in control of your book. Use any expression you wish that fits in the story line. Charlie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Hey Charlie,
Well, when I first started writing thrillers, I was told that language had to fit the situation or the entire premise would fall flat. I agree with that for the most part, but I don't like gratituous cussing...it's cheating the reader. On the other hand, I honestly can't imagine what else he'd say!
Thanks dear for the support and fine comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Gayle, try the old American Expression "Screw you". That should work. Charlie
Comment from Korton
Another very interesting and enjoyable chapter, Gayle. I have to confess that I was a bit lost at the beginning with the abrupt scene change and back track in time. Somehow I knew that the assistant was involved in this. They had too much personal information. Andy get moved to an undisclosed location through the woods while the PI's are on a wild goose chase into the center of hell. Very well done.
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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Another very interesting and enjoyable chapter, Gayle. I have to confess that I was a bit lost at the beginning with the abrupt scene change and back track in time. Somehow I knew that the assistant was involved in this. They had too much personal information. Andy get moved to an undisclosed location through the woods while the PI's are on a wild goose chase into the center of hell. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Daggonit, Frank, I wasn't sure about that beginning either. Do you think I need to cut it?
Buckle your seat belts, we're off and running!
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
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I don't think that a "Meanwhile, back at the ranch house," type or transition is necessary, but something to indicate that these events took place while Jim and Lenny were climbing the hill.
Comment from satinstory81
I found no problem with any of the explicit language used. When a writer is trying to capture emotion and personality of their characters, we must often take them to that realistic place. Great job!
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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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I found no problem with any of the explicit language used. When a writer is trying to capture emotion and personality of their characters, we must often take them to that realistic place. Great job!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Oops, then you missed a star, huh?
Thank you for stopping by, satin, and hope you'll reconsider.
Gayle
