Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Dead Ends"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
20 total reviews
Comment from DrCook
Very well written and very interesting. I have to love an author that uses words like sanguine! Thanks for sharing your imagination!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Very well written and very interesting. I have to love an author that uses words like sanguine! Thanks for sharing your imagination!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Hi Newsom2
Thank you for enjoying a middle chapter and for liking one of my fave words. It just feels so good when you say it, right?
Thanks for the great review and I hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
It's never easy, is it, Gayle? Interesting information on Tom Harris though. I wonder why he could remember what he'd done to his sister, but not mommy. Fate can be so strange. If he hadn't been stalking Candace, he'd probably still be alive.
Nice clean write.
Renie
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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It's never easy, is it, Gayle? Interesting information on Tom Harris though. I wonder why he could remember what he'd done to his sister, but not mommy. Fate can be so strange. If he hadn't been stalking Candace, he'd probably still be alive.
Nice clean write.
Renie
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Hey Renie,
It's so funny how things happen like that. I think we'll hear a bit more about him, and then we'll concentrate on our foreign friends.
Thanks so much for the grat comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from butterflykiss
Dead ends, no one wants to work with the police. So send in the big dogs. How about sending in Dobie bet they could get the answers. It's going well good luck,
Butterflykiss
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Dead ends, no one wants to work with the police. So send in the big dogs. How about sending in Dobie bet they could get the answers. It's going well good luck,
Butterflykiss
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi Jane,
Thanks for the great comments and your support. I really appreciate it!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hi Gayle, I could not catch any SPAG tonight. It seems a certain dead end where Tom is concerned. It seems you are tying up loose ends, ruling out any involvement. But you did show that the two parties were unknown to each other. It was a great read and I enjoyed it.
Regards,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi Gayle, I could not catch any SPAG tonight. It seems a certain dead end where Tom is concerned. It seems you are tying up loose ends, ruling out any involvement. But you did show that the two parties were unknown to each other. It was a great read and I enjoyed it.
Regards,
Sylvia
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi Sylvia,
Yeah, poor Candace. At least she has a chance with her present captors. If Tom'd got her, no more. We'll be hearing a bit more about him before he's finally put to rest! LOL!
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle. I'm gonna just read this and then maybe go back to discipline you! LOL
'Eyes the color of a Hershey bar sought his then glanced away.' - sod it! I can't help myself!. I had to read this several times before it made sense. Maybe; 'Her eyes, the colour of a Hershey bar, sought Riley's then turned away.' - much clearer.
Lenny made eye contact with Jim and took a huge bite of his sandwich' - I wouldn't let him take a huge bite of MY sandwich, LOL
Lenny nodded vigorously at Pete and mumbled something encouraging around his sandwich.' - now, that's rubbin it in!
but I have a shit load of stuff on my plate' - including YOUR sandwich! LOL
"It's always so much fun playing with you guys.' - oooh, you are awful, have u met my flatmate, Del?
Sorry, sweety, I've gone off on one here. Don't wish to be seen as taking the mickey. Just that the sandwich bite sent me into one. Easily eradicated if you wish. I'm sure I'm the only reader this stupid! Just in a daft mood.
A terrific, detailed, well thought out and believable read. Thoroughly enjoyable and there goes my theory of Tom being Candice's son. Write on Mistress. Ray xx
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi, Gayle. I'm gonna just read this and then maybe go back to discipline you! LOL
'Eyes the color of a Hershey bar sought his then glanced away.' - sod it! I can't help myself!. I had to read this several times before it made sense. Maybe; 'Her eyes, the colour of a Hershey bar, sought Riley's then turned away.' - much clearer.
Lenny made eye contact with Jim and took a huge bite of his sandwich' - I wouldn't let him take a huge bite of MY sandwich, LOL
Lenny nodded vigorously at Pete and mumbled something encouraging around his sandwich.' - now, that's rubbin it in!
but I have a shit load of stuff on my plate' - including YOUR sandwich! LOL
"It's always so much fun playing with you guys.' - oooh, you are awful, have u met my flatmate, Del?
Sorry, sweety, I've gone off on one here. Don't wish to be seen as taking the mickey. Just that the sandwich bite sent me into one. Easily eradicated if you wish. I'm sure I'm the only reader this stupid! Just in a daft mood.
A terrific, detailed, well thought out and believable read. Thoroughly enjoyable and there goes my theory of Tom being Candice's son. Write on Mistress. Ray xx
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Ray, you are a true 'ray' of sunshine. Now, when I get a review that makes me laugh, it's the best. Any you one funny boy!
I'll fix the sandwich debacle. What they're doing is making Pete talk.
See, Pete was Lenny's protege when Lenny was still LAPD. Pete knows Lenny's modus operendi, including that sandwich trick...you can't talk with a mouthful, so it does encourage the other person to talk.
Now, when he say 'play' with you, that's his code for saying he understands what Lenny's doing. See, my problems stem from knowing my characters so well. They've taken over the story and now are making double ententre remarks, subtle cracks known only to them and a handfull of longtime readers.
Dear, you get a thumb for that effort.
And for the wonderful belly-laugh? A huge hug...here it comes!
Love ya,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
Detective Riley is investigating Tom Harris and his investigation led him to Pinetop Sanitarium. Sister Mary Agness was against releasing him. I don't think Tom had a chance. His mother deserted him and his father abused him. It seems like life just stacked everything against him. It doesn't seem like Detective Riley discovered much at the Sanitarium.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Detective Riley is investigating Tom Harris and his investigation led him to Pinetop Sanitarium. Sister Mary Agness was against releasing him. I don't think Tom had a chance. His mother deserted him and his father abused him. It seems like life just stacked everything against him. It doesn't seem like Detective Riley discovered much at the Sanitarium.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hi RW,
Yeah, life just doesn't always play fair, and you're right, Tom never had a chance. And believe me, we'll find out a bit more here and there about him...Candace is better off with the Ruskies!
Thanks for the great review,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. It's well written, expressive, all the things you want it to be. But Tom Harris is a dead end, and nobody will find out anything by researching him. Perhaps, in a later draft, you can leave out enough info so the reader won't know Tom is a dead end until later.
I found a couple of nits and have an honest question:
"The furnishings, strictly functional sofas and chairs, lined the walls, interspersed periodically by tables bearing a lamp and a pile [piles] of ancient magazines." This sentence really paints a picture.
"...often beating him and blaming him for the mother [mother's] leaving."
this belief in the chance that "maybe, just maybe, she wasn't really dead" These are internal quotes and should be single.
"Deep in thought when the phone rang, he started,..." This is a question, not a comment. I sometimes use the word "started" in this way, meaning "was visibly startled." But some reviewers around here get confused, thinking that "started" means only "began." Have you run across this?
Dave M
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter. It's well written, expressive, all the things you want it to be. But Tom Harris is a dead end, and nobody will find out anything by researching him. Perhaps, in a later draft, you can leave out enough info so the reader won't know Tom is a dead end until later.
I found a couple of nits and have an honest question:
"The furnishings, strictly functional sofas and chairs, lined the walls, interspersed periodically by tables bearing a lamp and a pile [piles] of ancient magazines." This sentence really paints a picture.
"...often beating him and blaming him for the mother [mother's] leaving."
this belief in the chance that "maybe, just maybe, she wasn't really dead" These are internal quotes and should be single.
"Deep in thought when the phone rang, he started,..." This is a question, not a comment. I sometimes use the word "started" in this way, meaning "was visibly startled." But some reviewers around here get confused, thinking that "started" means only "began." Have you run across this?
Dave M
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Hey Dave,
Thanks so much for the kind words and your edit help. Will implement poste haste.
That " thingy, it's in italics in the ms. I just won't deal with EE. I know how to do it, but I can't fool him, he infests my work with ???'s. Makes me cuss. LOL!
Thank you so much, dear. I've been away for the weekend, so I'm slow to respond here as well as to new writings. I know I have a new chapter of yours waiting. I'll get to is asap!
Hugs,
Gayle
PS..I agree about the 'started..startled' ... will fix.
Comment from Korton
Excellent continuation chapter. Although it wasn't mentioned, my guess is that Candice resembled Tom's mother. A review of the obits might reveal Tom's mother's picture. Looks like now, Pete is kinda working with the guys on the QT. Very well done.
{Can I meet you at Ella's for lunch? I have a yen for one of those meatball sandwiches you used to rave about. Noon?"
He paused at the door, waved, and disappeared into the night. } [Looks like a little descrepency of timeline]
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Excellent continuation chapter. Although it wasn't mentioned, my guess is that Candice resembled Tom's mother. A review of the obits might reveal Tom's mother's picture. Looks like now, Pete is kinda working with the guys on the QT. Very well done.
{Can I meet you at Ella's for lunch? I have a yen for one of those meatball sandwiches you used to rave about. Noon?"
He paused at the door, waved, and disappeared into the night. } [Looks like a little descrepency of timeline]
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2008
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Eiyeeyee! Frank!
I'll snag that "into the dark" bit. You're right, it's about 3pm. Man, one of the hardest things to do is keep the times of day straight for all the characters.
Can't thank you enough for the great review and that wonderful eagle eye!
Thanks and hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
Another excellent addition to the book. The Stalker's attitude makes sense now and Sara was in just as much danger. Don't know where they are going to get a lead on where Candace has been taken. Looking forward to finding out what you do with this next.
Love and blessings
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Another excellent addition to the book. The Stalker's attitude makes sense now and Sara was in just as much danger. Don't know where they are going to get a lead on where Candace has been taken. Looking forward to finding out what you do with this next.
Love and blessings
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Metcha Ladies,
Thanks for the great comments and your wonderful support. I'm glad to be back at my desk. The trip was great but I'm happy to be in the flow again!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
F'elt I was there at the table. Showtime, you had me totally engrossed. Maybe a little more conflict would help. But Iliked it very much. Cool off over there yet?
Dave
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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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F'elt I was there at the table. Showtime, you had me totally engrossed. Maybe a little more conflict would help. But Iliked it very much. Cool off over there yet?
Dave
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Hi Dave
Thanks so much for the high marks. I really appreciate the wonderful words.
Well, we went on a little cruise...froze to death...but it was a great break. It's 105 today, low humidity, so it's not bad at all.
Thanks for the kind words,
Gayle
