Reviews from

Unexpected

Only a few words with a dictionionay of meaning.

14 total reviews 
Comment from Forestdawn
Good
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Greetings Mike:

I absolutely LOVE your poem. It has a wonderful message and the imagery is awesome. The structure is great!
Might I make some suggestions? You could do it this way and it flows a little more smoother. How about this...

Starting with the 6th line..

All my love
flows from me
like the music
from the Led Zeppelin song
playing it's violin like
weeping.

In line 31.. the word matter... I believe it would sound better if it had an 's' on it.
It matters not,
to be fated.

Thanks for sharing.

Great work!!
Blessings
Forestdawn



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 Comment Written 01-Aug-2008

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
    I change the entire line to, ""All of my love,"flows out of me just like that same
    Led Zeppelin song, with its tremoloed singing and violin like weeping. I fixed that "s" several times, the editor sometimes swaps. Thank you for your compliments and the reivew. Mike
Comment from Eternal Muse
Excellent
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Very nicely done, Mike! Love your free verse tribute to love, flows very well, you made it clear how much that person brought to your life.

One stanza stood out for me:

Only you sketched
me whole.
Made worth it,
what highwaymen
stole.


Oh, this metaphorical "hywaymen" could be so many things or people who took from us, ravished our lives, paled our perspective of the world - and it takes a very special "restorer" to bring back out self confidence.

Excellent work.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2008

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
    I think it certainly does and in one respect, feel that I am also slated to be that for someone. I did want this to stand out beyond out world into the more spiritual. Thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from RaymondJohn
Excellent
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I don't know Led Zeppelin, but this is good. You use the various pieces well. I didn't realize they used villins in any of their music. Very fine job. Ray.

 Comment Written 01-Aug-2008

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
    I don't think that they do, that was my addition. I just wanted the feel of their music to permeate this poem a bit. They did write, "hangman." The BBC archives was recorded when they were yound as a band and it had more of the unrefined blue influence what they heard as children, is my guess. You can always call it up on a music service. They got heavier into rock and polished themselves up later on. Thank yo very much for your compliments and this review.
Comment from Judian James
Excellent
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Hey Mike, I really liked this a lot. Just a few little typos:
"It sad to see you
sit all alone,
our spirits to each
other, truly shown" "It" should be "it's" and for flow, I think I might consider "our spirts to "share" rather than "each other"
just a thought.
Also, "it matter not" should be "matters" Well done.


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 Comment Written 01-Aug-2008

reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
    I fixed them, for the one stanza, I changed it to, "It's sad to see you sit all alone,
    our spirits with each other shared and truly shown." This is sort of pointed Mila's way as she helped me the most to be able to write and I just wanted to flatter her a bit. In feeling she is similar to someone else that I met at the 2007 convention, 2008 it proved hard as she showed fear with me and it was sort of a bitter sweet convention. I ended up feeling very cheated, not at anything that she did, but that I really would have loved to know this person's story and a way to admire this person, through her works and labors. I regret that I am very fatigued and just trying to do my best. Let me know how you think this change fits in. Thank you very much for the corrections, the compliments and this review. Mike K2
reply by Judian James on 01-Aug-2008
    Still bumpy. How about "our spirits should be shared and truly shown"
    You've just got too many syllables!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
    "It's sad to see you sit all alone, when our spirits already shared and together, truly shown." I really wasn't worried about syllables, but flow. This is how I restated this. I would love your opinion, but I am happy with this.

reply by Judian James on 01-Aug-2008
    Much better. Sometimes, most times, less is so much more!!