Comment from ChristoferMJohnson

Excellent

Pretty good storytelling here, I really liked it. It really draws the reader in as it goes along. Overall, I think it is a fine piece of work.

-Christofer

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2008

Hi Christofer,

Well, I love to meet new friends on this site. We're not that far along, if you want to go back and catch up. No need to leave a review, but it's nice to be on the same page.

I appreciate your comments and review.

Gayle

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

It's a real pleasure to review

such a well presented piece

of work, with correct spelling

and punctuation.

She wavered on the front steps, unsure what to do next, and yawned.
I'd be inclined to present this different.....
She wavered on the front steps, yawning, unsure what to do next.
Just a thought!

and an elegant black head reached down for the dog.
Might I suggest...
and the elegant black head of the pony reached down for the dog.

A great piece of descriptive writing.
An enjoyable read.
Regards,
Margaret.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2008

Hi Margaret,

so good to see you again. I love your suggestions and will look into making the changes.

Thank you so much for the ongoing support. It means a lot to me,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from ThyLordDracula

Excellent

I am not Spanish but I do know that jeffe (boss) is spelled with a j - another well written chapter - a few minor typos -

I likeit the teeth. space between like it
"I much likeit here. space between like it
"She breakit sonethin' soon, Senora." space between break it
that guy was up to no good I think -
a really interesting story - respectfully ^v^

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Hi there, my new friend,

Okay, the way they talk, they add "it" after lots of action words. My mainstay and good friend is the one I use...Juan. I think he uses it as we do 'like' or 'y'know'. Do you know what a hot walker is? They call it a "hot walkit." Same with 'breakit' or feedit.

Thank you so much for stopping by and for the fine review.

Gayle

Comment from Johnny Carwash

Excellent

Excellent stuff, like always, Gayle. You are shaping up to be quite the horror master, or is that mistress? Whatever the case, I'm thoroughly enjoying this book.

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

We have much in common, my friend. It's loads of fun, is it not? Thanks for the R&R and your uplifting and supportive comments,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Solrac

Excellent

You are right, it is JEFE, not hesse. But in your case it would be better to use the word the word PATRONA.
You see, Jefe is a boss in the office, in the group,
PATRON (Male) PATRONA (female) is a owner of a ranch or a farm, who also is the boss for everyone who is NOT at the social level of the Patron(a)

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Hey Sol,

Right you are, especially about the word usage.

We're in SoCal here, the home of the nickname, the idiom. When the landscapers and agricultural workers talk, it's always heffe(jefe) for their boss, but I don't know why that sound. Like the name Jesus is pronounced Haysus but the name Jeff is pronounced Yeff. Oh my, it's a wonder.

Anyway, thank you so very much for stopping by. We aren't toooo far in, why no hop aboard and read along with us. I'd like to get to know you better.

Gayle

Comment from KatFrog

Excellent

Hello showtimebook,

To answer your question, "boss" is "jefe". If you want to do more translations, you can use Google at http://translate.google.com/

I like this chapter. You include enough description for the reader to get a sense of the place, but also keep the action going.

I do have one possible change. The first time Sadie is mentioned, it feels like she jumps out of nowhere, since the narration centers around and includes only Candace up until then. I don't know if you want to change the narration, to let the reader know that Sadie is also there. Or if you want to add something to the Background section to let people know Sadie is a dog, so that reviewers know.

Take care,
Kathryn

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Oh, another new friend! Hi Kathryn,

Oh, I loved your review. Okay, first, since this is the first chapter you're read, it's is expected that you'd feel this way. But you know, the dog is new enough to the family that her presence should be mentioned earlier. I did that on the ms! :-) Now considering that this is a novel, the reader would know who Sadie was.

If you really liked this story, we're not that far in. Give it a read..no need to review, no bucks now anyway, but let yourself get up to speed. I'd really enjoy your take on this story.

Thanks so much, soooo much for your comments. Hope to see you again soon,

Gayle

Comment from RenieReader

Excellent

Oops, jefe*. Per another reviewer's comments: Senora is correct for Mrs. And, you do need to work on the syntax of how Mexicans put their sentences together, but I'm far from an expert.

Uh-oh, Candace needs to pay more attention to what Sadie is telling her. Dang, Harris is lucky that fence was there. You've really got my radar going with this chapter, Gayle. Wonderful how Sadie reacts to the horses, but then goes after the mouse and the creepy guy.

while rooting in the gardens [with fragrant blossoms] that lined both sides of the path. (Clarifies what blossoms, the gardens or the path. LOL.)

(I'm not sure 'likeit' works. You are right 'heffe' is spelled jeffe*, but I think it is masculine, rather than feminine.)

[It'll let] you get out with kids your own age.

Renie

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

First of all, thank you for piling all the bucks onto this story. Your encouragement means more than you know. Grins and hugs, Renie, you're like an angel to me.

Okay, the accents I'm using are those I remember from years of working on my farm with Mexicans. I think "it" is to them what "like" is to us. They just tack it on here and there. A hot walker is a 'hot walkit' ... come to think of it, it's tacked onto many verbs.

I have the feeling that while this might be familiar to Californian's it might not work for someone reading in Kansas. Must consider wider world, Pulitzer's and stuff like that are looming on my horizon! ROFLMAO!

Seriously, I will consider toning down, although I doubt you'll see much more of Juan.

Thanks again,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Veronica Grace

Excellent

I believe you're right about the "J" in heffe, but it is spelled like this: Jefe = boss.

Other than that I found nothing to change and as I read had an enjoyable time with the animals, Candace and Juan. Good work and good luck.

Veronica Grace

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Hi Veronica,

Thanks for the insight and the wonderful R&R. I sure appreciate the support,

Gayle

Comment from Kym Jade

Excellent

Well Sadie did try to tell Candace about the stranger on the other side of the fence. Hope he gets the message but somehow I don't think so, as long as he doesn't hurt Sadie. It's lovely to watch how a mare and foal interact.

Love and blessings

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Girls! So good to see you...how are my little critters doing? I'm having withdrawls!

Mares and foals! Oh man, especially with the colts, they're so strong and rambunctious and rude? Man. I had this one mare, Angel's dam, actually, and boy, she ran a tight ship. She was the Queen and she had no royal household.

One of her babies was born right after a terrible spell of rain and even though we had a big stall, the mare was crazy to get out and run. The first day it was safe to put them in the pasture, we tried.

Jeff held the mare and I had the filly. She was so scared being out of that stall, she tried to get away from me. When she found she couldn't she threw herself on the ground and began to scream. Really!

Well, Jacklin had about enough of that. She drags Jeff over to the filly, gives her a kick right in the forehead with her front hoof and positively screamed at that filly. The poor little thing jumped to her feet, we got to turn them out, and Jacklin ran around that pasture so long the baby finally stopped following.

I could tell tales like that for hours! LOL

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Norbanus

Excellent

Hi Annabelle,

Tom's got a heads up now. I'll bet he tries something to get rid of Sadie. Juan's accent doesn't sound right for some reason, but I can't put my finger on it. I did find a couple of things for you to think about. I'll send them separately.

Freddie

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2008

Hey Freddie,

I have to go back in and read that again. I can hear Juan's voice so clearly, I figure I must have missed something.

Will check and thank you, dear friend,

Annabelle