Into the Void - Part One
NASA sends astronauts to evaluate a potential threat15 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
This is off to a good start. You've included a lot of backstory to connect your readers with the characters and have woven it into the narrative well in several instances. For example, when describing the formidable qualifications of others and then saying how that makes Ben feel. That kind of weaving together is good to see. It's important.
The description of Ben's parents, their attitudes, and their lifestyle is a great way of engaging readers with Ben and creating empathy with him.
A couple of points to address:
Every politician and news reader in the country, including the King, (This makes it sound as though the King is a newsreader. I suggest 'and even the King')
the moment when they (first) saw the Earth from space for the first time.
And what catastrophes would that rein (rain) down on us
This has the makings of a good story. I shall look forward to reading more of it.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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This is off to a good start. You've included a lot of backstory to connect your readers with the characters and have woven it into the narrative well in several instances. For example, when describing the formidable qualifications of others and then saying how that makes Ben feel. That kind of weaving together is good to see. It's important.
The description of Ben's parents, their attitudes, and their lifestyle is a great way of engaging readers with Ben and creating empathy with him.
A couple of points to address:
Every politician and news reader in the country, including the King, (This makes it sound as though the King is a newsreader. I suggest 'and even the King')
the moment when they (first) saw the Earth from space for the first time.
And what catastrophes would that rein (rain) down on us
This has the makings of a good story. I shall look forward to reading more of it.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thank you Tony. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I like these lines - blue atmosphere paper thin, makes me realize how vulnerable we are, a sitting duck in the vast expanse of space- it really hit home with me, I will be scared to look at Earth from the space. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I like these lines - blue atmosphere paper thin, makes me realize how vulnerable we are, a sitting duck in the vast expanse of space- it really hit home with me, I will be scared to look at Earth from the space. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thank you. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well this is very different from your last story, Jacob. It's not my favourite genre but I'm still impressed by all your descriptive detail setting the scene. Some small edits (rain) down; emigrating to the US. Particularly like the way you layer your fantasy with details about your parents and their rather phlegmatic reaction to it all. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Well this is very different from your last story, Jacob. It's not my favourite genre but I'm still impressed by all your descriptive detail setting the scene. Some small edits (rain) down; emigrating to the US. Particularly like the way you layer your fantasy with details about your parents and their rather phlegmatic reaction to it all. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thank you Debbie.
Comment from patcelaw
I really enjoyed your story. I have been a rather space junkie since the very first lift off of Alan Shepherd in the rocket that took him up and down. I just have always tried to keep in track of the space shots in the international space station and all that I am fascinated by the space program. Patricia.
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I really enjoyed your story. I have been a rather space junkie since the very first lift off of Alan Shepherd in the rocket that took him up and down. I just have always tried to keep in track of the space shots in the international space station and all that I am fascinated by the space program. Patricia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can't wait to read this novel. I'm excited about it. You have hooked me with this first installment. This is good writing, and I couldn't find any way to improve it.
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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I can't wait to read this novel. I'm excited about it. You have hooked me with this first installment. This is good writing, and I couldn't find any way to improve it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2024
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Thank you Barbara. I thought I?d try writing something new. It?ll probably be a bit shorter than my previous work.
