On the Edge of Deception Pg 30
The behind the scenes investigations begin...16 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Good stuff. And it also doesn't hurt that he obviously works on the side of the law, I suppose. *smile* I think I would get along with Daisy. I mean, we might not be running-buddies, but I think I get her. hahaha
Notes:
1.) He hadn't expected her, too. A petite blonde
--> He hadn't expected her to.
2.) (")Once I was at Dwight's, I made us a tray
Good stuff!
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Carol,
Good stuff. And it also doesn't hurt that he obviously works on the side of the law, I suppose. *smile* I think I would get along with Daisy. I mean, we might not be running-buddies, but I think I get her. hahaha
Notes:
1.) He hadn't expected her, too. A petite blonde
--> He hadn't expected her to.
2.) (")Once I was at Dwight's, I made us a tray
Good stuff!
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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fixed!
Glad you enjoyed it...moving closer to the end I think. Maybe a surprise or two still around the corner. One never knows. My friend Ric said Beth had a good lawyer, then he reminded me...Oh that's right, you made him too. Funny people! smiles, Carol
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear BA, From this chapter, I guess All your readers are going to learn, for the first time, how Dwight met his end. (He certainly deserved it.) I figure it would not be hard for anyone to tie up a dead drunk person, to a bed like that and stab him as many times as their rage lasted.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Dear BA, From this chapter, I guess All your readers are going to learn, for the first time, how Dwight met his end. (He certainly deserved it.) I figure it would not be hard for anyone to tie up a dead drunk person, to a bed like that and stab him as many times as their rage lasted.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Actually, it was shown in prior chapters but it also shows three different women leaving the home with their fingerprints in the house. Gotta keep everyone guessing. LOL Yes, he deserved it! Thanks for reading and enjoying. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
It appears that all the pieces are starting to come together, but with all the tricks you have, things can change again any minute. So, I'll just wait and see what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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It appears that all the pieces are starting to come together, but with all the tricks you have, things can change again any minute. So, I'll just wait and see what happens next. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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My bag of tricks is starting to wear thin... I do have one or two more though... what fun would it be without surprises? Sending my smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Dr. Nad
This is my first reading of your story. From the very beginning, I could tell that you're an excellent writer. Throughout the narrative, you keep up the pace and this keeps the reader from becoming bored. Good job. In this chapter, you introduced several characters and provided some background and development as you went. Just picking up in the middle, you don't know a whole lot but you have given us some intrigue, some empathy, some drama, and humor. (Good things to add to a story LOL). There is one short section that you may want to consider some housekeeping punctuation changes. You may not. LOL
Here they are:
"By the time I was in my car, I had made plans for a bit of (a) rendezvous with Dwight (,) Spice up his evening since Nancy wasn't going to (be) around."
Thanks for sharing, embrace the love from above!
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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This is my first reading of your story. From the very beginning, I could tell that you're an excellent writer. Throughout the narrative, you keep up the pace and this keeps the reader from becoming bored. Good job. In this chapter, you introduced several characters and provided some background and development as you went. Just picking up in the middle, you don't know a whole lot but you have given us some intrigue, some empathy, some drama, and humor. (Good things to add to a story LOL). There is one short section that you may want to consider some housekeeping punctuation changes. You may not. LOL
Here they are:
"By the time I was in my car, I had made plans for a bit of (a) rendezvous with Dwight (,) Spice up his evening since Nancy wasn't going to (be) around."
Thanks for sharing, embrace the love from above!
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Oh, my goodness... You just jumped into the middle of my story and you are giving me six stars and an outstanding review. My heart is touched by your generosity. I fixed that error - thank you! You've made my day when I can please a newcomer to the point of parting with their sixes. Awesome. I hope you stick around... Smiles and blessing, Carol
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It is my privilege to review an excellent writer. The truth is, I'm not exactly new around here. I've been here since 2014. Problem is, I have come in for a little bit then leave for a long time then come back for a little bit and then leave for long stretches. In the past years, I have been extremely busy with a very high-stress job. My writing is not cherished by my family, to say the least. It felt to them like I was taking away the precious moments of free time I had when I could get on FanStory. I have now retired and am anticipating developing a company that I have through writing. I am hoping to build up a little bit of community and offer value to my readers like you have to yours.
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Fabulous! Your family needs to respect your desires not only to follow something you love but to have time that is just yours as well. I commend you for doing your absolute best to blend all worlds you live in. It's tough! Smiles, Carol
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My retiring has helped LOL the truth is I think in small ways they are coming around. My wife, may be somewhat begrudgingly, I don't know, has kind of intimated that she likes some of my writing.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Great chapter, Carol! Looking forward to Nancy's demise! Love the way you're playing it out, developing more of these characters.
A couple of things (maybe others have already found them)
"He entered the commons ara (area)"
(")Well, here's my recorder. You've got the stage. Tell me your side of the story."
"Nancy wasn't going to (be) around."
"but lately, I thought (think)she might have been play-acting."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Great chapter, Carol! Looking forward to Nancy's demise! Love the way you're playing it out, developing more of these characters.
A couple of things (maybe others have already found them)
"He entered the commons ara (area)"
(")Well, here's my recorder. You've got the stage. Tell me your side of the story."
"Nancy wasn't going to (be) around."
"but lately, I thought (think)she might have been play-acting."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Hi Judy... Thanks for catching my errors. I had an appointment that I was going to be late for and instead of waiting and checking, impatient me posted...Caught! Smiles and hugs, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. It happens to all of us. :)
Comment from Susan Newell
I'm glad to see things continue to come together from various angles. You continue to keep me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what happens next. The suspense and dialogue are great. You must have been typing up a storm, because I found a few SPAGs that aren't often present in your writing.
I've put a few pounds ==> put on
can't seem to get out of office." ==> out of the office
but the Chief keeps -- still think lower case chief
Anyhow, I wanted to ==> "Anyhow
Start where ever ==> wherever
He hadn't expected her, too -- expected her to. (?)
Oakdale's Sherriff ==> sheriff
A petit blonde ==> petite
Pounding on the door like a crazy woman. ==> I pounded
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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I'm glad to see things continue to come together from various angles. You continue to keep me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what happens next. The suspense and dialogue are great. You must have been typing up a storm, because I found a few SPAGs that aren't often present in your writing.
I've put a few pounds ==> put on
can't seem to get out of office." ==> out of the office
but the Chief keeps -- still think lower case chief
Anyhow, I wanted to ==> "Anyhow
Start where ever ==> wherever
He hadn't expected her, too -- expected her to. (?)
Oakdale's Sherriff ==> sheriff
A petit blonde ==> petite
Pounding on the door like a crazy woman. ==> I pounded
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Caught!!! I had an appointment with one of the renters (I hate being a landlord) and didn't want to be late, but I wanted to post the story as well. I didn't check it close enough... which of course you did! What would I do without you. Fixed and a big thank you! Smiles and hugs. Carol
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You are always welcome!
