Kenny's Story
Coping with the illness of an infant140 total reviews
Comment from Placid Tiger
Good lord i was emotionally detached the day i read this. *sighs* improved to the 4 it deserves and i am sorry for the pain and suffering endured in this traumatic experience.
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Interesting piece, a few terminological moments, and a little format error towards the end but it was suffice to hold my interest.
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Edit notes:
3rd paragraph needs a line break between Appears normal." and What a wonderful sentence.
Right now it runs on, either add a full line break or delete the gap so it follows straight after.
the Following paragraph (4) starts with Because, that's just Icky.
Paragraph 14 has the same wierd format errors, after your dialogue you tend to start a new line, but it's poorly formatted.
Your line It is his ENTIRE colon...." (line break) I countered: Add an extra gap or delete the gap so it follows on to the line above.
Paragraph 17 and 18 dont have a gap between them, so add a space between
"Stay on." and I felt that I was admitting.
Same for the next to paragraphs after "normal." you need a LINE break then Kenny :)
Then it's similar all the way to the end, your paragraphs are just generally poorly formatted.
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Good lord i was emotionally detached the day i read this. *sighs* improved to the 4 it deserves and i am sorry for the pain and suffering endured in this traumatic experience.
--------------------
Interesting piece, a few terminological moments, and a little format error towards the end but it was suffice to hold my interest.
---------
Edit notes:
3rd paragraph needs a line break between Appears normal." and What a wonderful sentence.
Right now it runs on, either add a full line break or delete the gap so it follows straight after.
the Following paragraph (4) starts with Because, that's just Icky.
Paragraph 14 has the same wierd format errors, after your dialogue you tend to start a new line, but it's poorly formatted.
Your line It is his ENTIRE colon...." (line break) I countered: Add an extra gap or delete the gap so it follows on to the line above.
Paragraph 17 and 18 dont have a gap between them, so add a space between
"Stay on." and I felt that I was admitting.
Same for the next to paragraphs after "normal." you need a LINE break then Kenny :)
Then it's similar all the way to the end, your paragraphs are just generally poorly formatted.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2003
Comment from Wolfdancer13
What a very touching story Lynne. I admire your strength to endure such an experience. There's nothing like the love of a mother and father for their child. It is heartwrenching to have to watch our little ones so vulnerable and feel so helpless.
I'm so glad that Kenny is thriving and that your family remained strong through these times.
Keep writing. Your writing style and over-all story was so informative and detailed with its information. Even in my utter exhaustion, so close to midnight, I couldn't stop reading.
All my best to you and yours.
Lisa
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What a very touching story Lynne. I admire your strength to endure such an experience. There's nothing like the love of a mother and father for their child. It is heartwrenching to have to watch our little ones so vulnerable and feel so helpless.
I'm so glad that Kenny is thriving and that your family remained strong through these times.
Keep writing. Your writing style and over-all story was so informative and detailed with its information. Even in my utter exhaustion, so close to midnight, I couldn't stop reading.
All my best to you and yours.
Lisa
Comment Written 04-Jun-2003
Comment from ChipLady
Wow, what a story. I am so glad your Kenny is well. What a special story. I could really relate to your feelings in "I laid in my room with both hands on my now deflated stomach. I had never felt so empty and so lost." That is a hard feeling to describe. You did it well. Nice job on the whole story.
Chip
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Wow, what a story. I am so glad your Kenny is well. What a special story. I could really relate to your feelings in "I laid in my room with both hands on my now deflated stomach. I had never felt so empty and so lost." That is a hard feeling to describe. You did it well. Nice job on the whole story.
Chip
Comment Written 04-Jun-2003
Comment from Elric Bowdean
wow what a wonderful story such a hard trial glad to see you went and got better advice on the prengency... WOW
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wow what a wonderful story such a hard trial glad to see you went and got better advice on the prengency... WOW
Comment Written 04-Jun-2003
Comment from searchen
Hi. Formatting can be a bit of a bear but worth the time..visual presentation is a plus. Two mis-spellings: "..time to start considering recnstructive surgery." and one other but I'll be danged if I can find it now..sorry.
Considering the medical processes & jargon, you told your story clearly. What was an obvious emotional roller-coaster of time, you kept, for the most part, just under the surface of your story. Excellent in the telling, inspiring.
Look forward to more.
Welcome,
searchen
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Hi. Formatting can be a bit of a bear but worth the time..visual presentation is a plus. Two mis-spellings: "..time to start considering recnstructive surgery." and one other but I'll be danged if I can find it now..sorry.
Considering the medical processes & jargon, you told your story clearly. What was an obvious emotional roller-coaster of time, you kept, for the most part, just under the surface of your story. Excellent in the telling, inspiring.
Look forward to more.
Welcome,
searchen
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
Comment from chaosrider89
A truely touchimg story. It is nice to know that sometimes there is a happy ending.
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A truely touchimg story. It is nice to know that sometimes there is a happy ending.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
Comment from Lisalucky
I Liked this story especially because there was a happy ending. I know when I was pregnant the biggest fear was a healthy normal baby. You described everything in such detail. Very good job...
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I Liked this story especially because there was a happy ending. I know when I was pregnant the biggest fear was a healthy normal baby. You described everything in such detail. Very good job...
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
Comment from NightGem
You portrayed what some would have taken "the poor me approach" over and showed the reader the real power of taking it one step at a time. I hope that this can be shared with other parents with children who are born with this tragic disease. A real blessing dispite the trails. The ease in which you showed the ups and downs was simply a testament to your writing skills.
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You portrayed what some would have taken "the poor me approach" over and showed the reader the real power of taking it one step at a time. I hope that this can be shared with other parents with children who are born with this tragic disease. A real blessing dispite the trails. The ease in which you showed the ups and downs was simply a testament to your writing skills.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
Comment from Luminae
This really grabbed my emotions, I was so relieved when I read that the surgery went alright. And I loved the last line :) Thanks for sharing this.
Couple of minor errors I noticed:
'With much coercion, my husband aggreed to follow the ambulance.' agreed
'I countered: "no, you don't understand. ' 'No' should be capitalized (I think, not 100% sure)
'The real answer was even a little more simple than that.' This line sounded a little odd. Maybe, 'The real answer turned out to be even simpler.' or something.
'on Kennys' shoulders.' Kenny's
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This really grabbed my emotions, I was so relieved when I read that the surgery went alright. And I loved the last line :) Thanks for sharing this.
Couple of minor errors I noticed:
'With much coercion, my husband aggreed to follow the ambulance.' agreed
'I countered: "no, you don't understand. ' 'No' should be capitalized (I think, not 100% sure)
'The real answer was even a little more simple than that.' This line sounded a little odd. Maybe, 'The real answer turned out to be even simpler.' or something.
'on Kennys' shoulders.' Kenny's
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
Comment from Tempesta
This was very nicely written, though I would have liked to have seen this written as a story. It would make it come alive more, I think. Just my humble opinion. My daughter had to have surgery when she was a couple of days old and I wanted so badly to be there. It never occured to me to do what you did, leave against medical advice! How brave!
The joys of motherhood! God bless.
I'm looking forward to more of your writing.
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This was very nicely written, though I would have liked to have seen this written as a story. It would make it come alive more, I think. Just my humble opinion. My daughter had to have surgery when she was a couple of days old and I wanted so badly to be there. It never occured to me to do what you did, leave against medical advice! How brave!
The joys of motherhood! God bless.
I'm looking forward to more of your writing.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2003
