I Played My Song
a wrapped refrain173 total reviews
Comment from Angel Debbie
Read smoothly for a wrapped refrain.
Nice rhymes in all sentences, they hold true to this write.
Love the picture of your grandson and his guitar. He sure is growing like a weed! Thank You for sharing this wonderful write and a sweet picture of your grandson!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Read smoothly for a wrapped refrain.
Nice rhymes in all sentences, they hold true to this write.
Love the picture of your grandson and his guitar. He sure is growing like a weed! Thank You for sharing this wonderful write and a sweet picture of your grandson!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Angel Debbie, thank you so much :-) Yep, he started out quite tiny, but he just keeps sprouting and sprouting :-) Brooke
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Brooke, I love the thought that a song is not truly complete until someone sings along and understands, then this understanding grows to affect one's whole life.
Because you're such a pro, I hesitate to suggest any change, but the meter in line six seems a little bumpy to me. I feel that "each note is filled with meaning..." would read more smoothly. The 12-syllable count would still be maintained.
I enjoy seeing Sawyer playing his "guitar." Music was very special to one of our little boys. When he was about four he said passionately, "Mama! I don't have any way to make music!" So I bought him a little guitar which he taught himself to play. Music is still an important part of his life. Love, Jeanie
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Brooke, I love the thought that a song is not truly complete until someone sings along and understands, then this understanding grows to affect one's whole life.
Because you're such a pro, I hesitate to suggest any change, but the meter in line six seems a little bumpy to me. I feel that "each note is filled with meaning..." would read more smoothly. The 12-syllable count would still be maintained.
I enjoy seeing Sawyer playing his "guitar." Music was very special to one of our little boys. When he was about four he said passionately, "Mama! I don't have any way to make music!" So I bought him a little guitar which he taught himself to play. Music is still an important part of his life. Love, Jeanie
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Jeanie, for your thoughtful feedback. I have since tweaked that line a little. What an adorable story about your son :-) Brooke
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Ah, "imbued"! That's even better.
The son I mentioned is davidmercer, who is on FanStory but never posts anything. His picture is with his profile, if you care to look. (He's also lefthanded, as Sawyer appears to be.)
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~
This is a truly beautiful poem.. I loved it and found it to be really cute. The picture is cute too.. Great Job and God Bless~!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Hello there~
This is a truly beautiful poem.. I loved it and found it to be really cute. The picture is cute too.. Great Job and God Bless~!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Kausar, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
your wrapped refrain has good rhyme throughout of aa/bb/cc
good enjambment to allow flow in verses
wrap refrains flow well with the verses
yes no one heard my song until you sang along
good visual images
cheers..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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good luck in the contest
your wrapped refrain has good rhyme throughout of aa/bb/cc
good enjambment to allow flow in verses
wrap refrains flow well with the verses
yes no one heard my song until you sang along
good visual images
cheers..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Smoothiecool, thank you so much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from aanneee
So! I have to admit I really miss not reading the works here and I always felt too much pressure to try and keep up. So! New name and all just for fun...I figure when on the bottom of the run the only way left is 'up'.
This is a lovely piece about Sawyer, what a dear little man he is and I so enjoyed reading you this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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So! I have to admit I really miss not reading the works here and I always felt too much pressure to try and keep up. So! New name and all just for fun...I figure when on the bottom of the run the only way left is 'up'.
This is a lovely piece about Sawyer, what a dear little man he is and I so enjoyed reading you this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Dinah, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Brooke,
A lovely poem with charming imagery.
The illustration is just perfect.
When I was a kid I wanted to play the banjo. LOL
Ron x
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Hi Brooke,
A lovely poem with charming imagery.
The illustration is just perfect.
When I was a kid I wanted to play the banjo. LOL
Ron x
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Ron, thank you so much :-) I don't think Sawyer has a banjo yet :-) I recently gave him maracas I got in Tijuana in 1960 :-) Brooke
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Brooke,
Marvelous piece of poetry in the form of 'Wrapped Refrain' meeting all the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Simple as well as impressive wording.
Smooth and captivating flow with lovely rhyming scheme and lively imagery.
1st two lines and last two lines of both the stanzas are particularly noteworthy.
A Masterpiece indeed!
Best of Luck!!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Hello Brooke,
Marvelous piece of poetry in the form of 'Wrapped Refrain' meeting all the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Simple as well as impressive wording.
Smooth and captivating flow with lovely rhyming scheme and lively imagery.
1st two lines and last two lines of both the stanzas are particularly noteworthy.
A Masterpiece indeed!
Best of Luck!!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, RP, for your most thoughtful and generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Bryan G
Thank you for another sweet poem. My granddaughter was singing a song that she made up last night that were own words with her own view of the world. You have once again captured the beauty of our children. I like the way you have connected their voices with our own.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you for another sweet poem. My granddaughter was singing a song that she made up last night that were own words with her own view of the world. You have once again captured the beauty of our children. I like the way you have connected their voices with our own.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Bryan, thank you so much :-) How sweet to write her own song :-) Brooke
Comment from judiverse
Very charming. Such a positive thought--love puts a person's life in harmony. I used to read writers who used the expression "kindred souls," and that seems to fit here. The singer is uniquely qualified to interpret the composer's song gives it special meaning. Excellent rhyme, and I especially like the line "no blinding fog, no clouds of gray." Fine work with the wrapped refrain. judi
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Very charming. Such a positive thought--love puts a person's life in harmony. I used to read writers who used the expression "kindred souls," and that seems to fit here. The singer is uniquely qualified to interpret the composer's song gives it special meaning. Excellent rhyme, and I especially like the line "no blinding fog, no clouds of gray." Fine work with the wrapped refrain. judi
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Judi, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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You're so welcome. I enjoyed reading, and best of luck in the contest. judi
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from heyjude
Brooke, wonderful job on this Wrapped Refrain. Spot
on with the syllable count and the rhyming. I like
this. It brings tears to my eyes. Of course, it's
nice that there's a sweet picture of Sawyer.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Brooke, wonderful job on this Wrapped Refrain. Spot
on with the syllable count and the rhyming. I like
this. It brings tears to my eyes. Of course, it's
nice that there's a sweet picture of Sawyer.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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heyjude, thank you so very much for your generous response to this poem. I am in love with this picture :-) Brooke
