Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Whatever the style, my friend,
this is simply beautiful - there's
no other word for it -- the words
have such a soothing balm to them...
I almost dropped off... and the picture
is so perfect.

What a pleasure to read on this dark, dismal
time (4.45pm) here in the British Isles.

Thank you, Brooke.
Margaret.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

It has been raining steadily for three days here with good weather not due until Sunday afternoon, so I know how you feel :-) Thanks, Margaret. Brooke

reply by Margaret Snowdon on 13-Nov-2009

Oh no!! It is dark here by 4pm - so strange - I always think
about the poor souls who haven't shelter and warmth - we
are so fortunate compared to most --- Margaret.

Comment from MsRefusenik

Excellent

(I wish they'd give me some sixes.) You know I can't resist the little people, the magic fairies. I love them so. What a beautiful, beautiful, tender and sweet prayer of a poem. I bookcased it so that when I am blessed with grandchildren I can use this poem instead of the terror-filled, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep that I grew up with, complete with the line about "if I die." This is so gentle, safe, and blessed. I love it. It is perfection. I would love to be in your brain for an hour. I believe I would come out a far better person.

Here's what I want stardust for: (know where I can get any) I am in all seriousness through fighting with my laziness and procrastination when it comes to housecleaning. I am a total slob. I am now reading the last in a series of books meant to help me, Spritual Housecleaning. The author has everyone from Jung to Yeats to Ram Das in her references. She swears if I follow her spiritual guidelines, by the end of the book I will be writing three haiku a day celebrating my house and it's spirit. But if that doesn't work, I am buying a real (not a toy) magic wand and enchanting it beneath the full moon according to directions I found online. Then I am getting some stardust or even pixie dust might do. I will come into my house like Cinderella's Fairy Godmother, waving my wand, turning my many books into cleaning men and cleaning women, and for good measure sprinkling the enchanted dust over every room. I am thinking this might work. I have tried everything else and failed. I would love to live in an enchanted, sparkling clean house, but not if I actually have to be the one to wash the dishes,floors and windows. Know what I'm saying? Maryellen

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

If they have a buy one get one free sale on those magic wands, please send the other one my way - I am NOT a domestic goddess but would not mind at all if some magical means were available to make my home sparkle :-) Thanks so much, Maryellen! Brooke

Comment from Amicus

Excellent

This is a lovely lullaby, Brooke...I can hear it being whispered to a beloved grandbaby in that reverent tone only loving grandparent's know enough to assume! All but one line provide the reader with exquisite pleasure for the beauty of the sentiment and the flawlessness of the rhymes and rhythm.

The second line in the first stanza is problematic to me mainly because it is grammatically confusing...you wish in the future (may) for something to have occurred in the past (have fled)...I would suggest either changing "have fled" to "be led" or "May" to "Now" or "When" to make greater sense.

And Dr. Freud, please tell me how come such a tiny kid has "troubled thoughts" anyhow...I bet it's all those fairies and sprites :>)

Good poem.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

I don't know, but wee ones do seem to suffer from bad dreams - heck, even house cats seem to get them, and nothing bad ever happens to them! LOL I'll look over that line :-) Thanks, Amicus :-) Brooke

reply by Amicus on 13-Nov-2009

I don't know that the really wee ones even have what we would consider thoughts, do they?...belly aches, hunger, gas and other physical irritations are the extent of their troubles I believe--and that's surely cause for tears. As for housecats...nasty folks like me kick them out of the way (gently, gently) and push them off the soft chairs whenever they get a chance and cause their troubles. :>)

reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Don't go all scientific on me - you're as bad as Charleswriter telling me he is a hydrologist, so he knows that tides can't have crests, only waves. You men!!!! It's a lullaby for a doting grandmom or mom to sing to a sleepy baby - none of them is going to worry about how scientifically accurate it is! LOLOLOL And stop kicking cats!! ;-)

Comment from Eternal Muse

Excellent

A beautiful reflective rondeau, Brooke. Love and tenderness exude from this page, telling a tale of a precious infant. Loved your neat rhyming stitches; you've executed the form flawlessly, with some nice word choices.

I see, you love inverted syntax!

"may troubled thoughts from you have fled"

There are two schools of thought on this - Gil_Arend tends to think we could do without it (lol); but many writers use it and I, personally, think it brings charm and charisma to a piece. Can't stand forced rhyming; and I was taught by my mentors to try to stay away fro cliches and "stock" phrases. I am trying, the best I can. Inverted syntax brings originality, me thinks (lol - this is how Elizabeth Tudor talked).

Wonderful piece, Brooke. We need more of those for the upcoming Christmas.

Love, Y.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

I love inverted syntax in certain situations - in pieces where I think they do add charm. I would not use it in more serious pieces - I think it's a matter of writing different ways in different genres - for instance, sometimes I think forced rhyme, which I usually detest, adds greatly to the humor of a broadly funny poem. One size fits all is not my idea of good poetry writing. :-) Thank you for your most thoughtful comments, Yelena. Brooke

Comment from tati

Excellent

Sleep well, sweet child; lay down your head,
may troubled thoughts from you have fled.

May fairies weave with golden thread
a web that captures tears you've shed

Lovely words, Brooke. I like the above lines very much. A sweet lullaby. Thank you for sharing. (tati, Nov. 13, 2009)

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Thank you, Tati - I am so glad you enjoyed this lullaby - that means a lot to me :-) Brooke

Comment from djcoomes

Excellent

How do you remember all this stuff when you're composing. I'd have to have a line by line diagram in front of me. Amazing.
This is a lovely warm and fuzzy poem of a parent's wish for their child. I can see it framed and above a child's bed. Nice job. Darlene

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

funny you should mention it...I do diagram it on the paper before I write - I have my little AABBA lines all marked :-) Thanks so much, Darlene : -) brooke

Comment from Kathy58

Excellent

This is just an excepional piece of work that you have created here.Your wonderful description of this child attributes the ArtWork you have chosen so well. I think that you might have made one mistake in spelling, I believe it would be the 4th stanza."May joy and calm be gently spread by sprites that dance around your bed." I think you mean spirits. Just checking,great work, Kathy58

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Thank you, Kathy - I've worked all morning on this after abandoning it last night, so I am truly pleased you think I finally got it right. -) I mean "sprites" as in fairies :-) Brooke

reply by Kathy58 on 13-Nov-2009

Sorry about that I did not know what sprites even meant.See you learn something new every day,thanks Brooke, Kathy58

reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

I love learning new words, so I'm happy to have introduced one to you! :-)

Comment from Blue Danube

Excellent

adewpearl:
This is beautiful poetry which I find nurturing beyond the words.
Could be a lullaby or a meditation. Sweet and relaxing for sure.
Would you ever (maybe you already have done so before I joined FStory) teach an online poetry class?
Thanks for the author's notes which I read and wonder where have I been through all my long life without knowing such stuff are refrain, rhyme scheme, rondeau, etc. It is an amazing universe I get to glimpse.
Best to you,
Blue

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Thanks so much, Blue - I appreciate your kind comments. I used to teach writing in middle and high school, and the only thing I did not enjoy teaching was poetry because writers get so emotionally invested in their poems. It is not a pleasant thing to pick apart a line in a poem about one's baby, mother, lover and then have that person go ballistic on you! LOL Nobody ever cared if I made constructive criticism about their essays, but about their poems, they went haywire on me. LOL Brooke :-)

reply by Blue Danube on 13-Nov-2009

Too sad that people can go ballistic in the face of constructive criticism. You'd think they want to learn from the professional.

I don't blame you at all for not wanting all that anger directed at you.
I wouldn't want it either.

Blue

Comment from percival86jack

Excellent

We're the "SILLY/SWEET" duo. Yours are usually sweet... mine are usually silly!
What a beautiful sweet poem you have crafted Brooke. Just beautiful!

Smiles from me to you.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Thank you, Jack - what can I say - we've both gone soft with age :-) LOL Brooke

Comment from annienolan

Excellent

Stunning, absolutely stunning. Very well written, and spoken with heartwarming love. Thoughtfully worded. I enjoyed this piece of work immensley.

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2009

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reply by the author on 13-Nov-2009

Thank you, Annie. Glad you enjoyed :-) Brooke