General Script posted February 13, 2019

Chapters:

...69 70 -71- 72...

Excellent

a one-scene script

A chapter in the book Scenes

Scene at a Fender Bender

by Bill Schott

Pons and Ned meet at a Fender Bender The scene opens with Pons standing next to his car, which has been rear-ended by another car. That car's driver is on his cell phone facing away from Pons. Ned wanders up out of nowhere. Ned: Hey, Pons! Pons: Ned? What are you doing out here on the highway? Ned: I was jist hitchhikin' over to my Ma's house. Looks like you got a sitchiation here. Pons: Right.  I was pulling over to take the off ramp when this guy tried to zoom past me on the right. He rammed the back end so now we're here waiting for the highway patrol. Ned: Are ya okay?  This is the kinda accident  what causes folks ta get that whipped splash. Are ya feelin' wet all over? Pons: I don't think I have whiplash, Ned. Ned:  What about whipped splash?  Pons: I feel fine, Ned. Thanks. How can you hitchhike out here? I'm pretty sure it's illegal. Ned: That must be why nobody's pickin' me up. I was beginnin' ta think I was infizzible. Hey, Pons. Ya don't reckon I'm infizzible do ya?  Pons: I can see you, Ned. Ned: Sure. Maybe yer like that feller on the old movie what sees the ghost couple that was kilt in a car wreck. Pons: Cosmo Topper? Ned: You ain't cussin' in Franch or that are ya? Pons: No, Ned. Nevermind. The other driver walks over to where Pons and Ned are talking. Driver:  I've notified the police, my insurance company, and my lawyer. Ned: Bess git yerself a good amblince chaser what can explain yer bad drivin'. Driver: Who are you?  Pons: He's my cousin. What's this about a lawyer? Ned:  A lawwer is a fella what makes up stuff in court to git guilty folks off on a tectiphallacy. Pons: Technicality. Ned: Are we rhymin' now, Pons? Pons turns back to the other driver. Pons: I'm not suing you, dude. The insurance companies will figure it out. Driver:  I'm suing you. Reckless endangerment, road rage, attempted vehicular homicide, and that's just for starters. Ned: Think we'll be on the People's Court, Pons? Pons: No one's going to court. You are clearly at fault here. The police will see that when they arrive. Ned: They may not see me though. I might be infizzible. A highway patrol cruiser pulls up ahead of Pons' car. Exits the vehicle and walks up to the three men. HwyPat:  Good afternoon, gentlemen.  Looks like you have been playing bumper cars out here on the express way. Pons:  This guy ran into the back of my car trying to pass me on the right as we exited onto the ramp. Driver:  Nonsense.  This man swerved in front of me as I was exiting the main road. The patrolman turns to Ned. HwyPat:  Did you witness this accident, sir? Ned: No, sheriff. But I saw a doozy last week on a TV cop show what made this here collision look like two ladies bumpin' shoppin' carts tagetter at the Walmart. The patrolman looks a few seconds at Ned, turns to Pons with raised eyebrows, while his eyes move surreptitiously back to Ned then to Pons again. Pons:  He wasn't here at the time, officer. Ned: I was being infizzible on the freeway. HwyPat: It's pretty clear to me that you were rear ended by this gentleman. Your insurance policies will cover you both.  I'm not assigning fault here though. Pons: Very well, officer. Thank you. Driver:  My insurance company will cancel my policy. I may as well start hitchhiking. Ned: If I was you I'd take yer car home first. Pons: Let's take off, Ned. I have to get this car into the shop as soon as possible. Ned: While yer there have 'em take a look at that smashed up part. Pons: Smiling.  Good idea, Ned.   Write A Review Pays one point and 2 member cents. You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.