"Did you hear that?"

"No, what?" Fred's wife, Jessica, replies sleepily.

"An owl is hooting outside our bedroom window." After turning on the bedside lamp, Fred goes walking over to the window on his bare feet. The bird in question is sitting on a branch about ten feet from the house.

"So leave the bird to his hooting and go back to sleep." Jessica pulls the covers over her head.

"You don't understand, dear. If a hoot owl calls outside your window for three nights in a row, it's supposed to mean someone is going to die soon. Ancient scholars believe the number three has mystical powers."

"Oh, come on now. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. It sounds like Indian folklore or maybe voodoo. Besides, have you ever noticed the owl before tonight?"

"No."

"So, point made. Now, will you get in bed and shut up? I would like to get some sleep tonight; I have a hard day tomorrow."

The next night Fred stays awake until midnight, but no owl. He sighs with relief and snuggles down by Jessica's warm body for a good nights sleep. He no more than dozes off when...

Hoot-hoot-hoot-hoooo.

The eerie cry echoes through the darkness making Fred's hair stand on end. He jumps out of bed and raises the window to find the owl sitting on the same branch. The bird fluffs his feathers as if to say, "I'm back."

"Shoo, you dumb bird. Go curse someone else," Fred yells. "I'm not your enemy; I love birds. Look, see the birdfeeder in the yard. I'm a member of the Audubon society too. Go away." Fred is visibly shaking when he returns to bed.

"Are you fighting with that stupid owl again?" Jessica asks. "Sometimes I worry about you, Fred. No sane person would ever believe such nonsense. It's just an old saying and means nothing. Will you do me a favor and forget this silly curse business please?"

The third night Fred sits by the open window with a slingshot in his hand. He doesn't intend to kill the persistent bird, only scare it away for good. All the spooky night time screeching is wreaking his nerves and destroying his rest. Fred can't understand how Jessica sleeps through all the noise.

There! There it is again. The hoot owl comes swooping in and lands on his usual perch. Fred draws back the slingshot and takes careful aim. The stone catches the owl on the side of the head, almost knocking it off the branch. After staggering a bit, the bird recovers and turns his furious yellow gaze on Fred.

"Hoot-hoot-hoooo death to you," said the owl.

At least, in Fred's frightened mind, it seems to be what the bird is saying.

The next day Fred decides to buy a chainsaw and cut down all the trees around the house, starting with the one by the bedroom window. At least the bird will have no place to land if he comes back, as Fred is sure he will. Jessica is furious.

"I swear you're cracking up, Fred. Why cut down all our beautiful trees over some superstitious bullshit? I'm calling your brother to come talk some sense into you."

Fred ignores Jessica and proceeds with his plan. Of course, Fred never gave any consideration to the fact that he has never operated a chainsaw before, let alone cut down any trees. He considers the rivalry between himself and the owl a matter of life or death, and he doesn't intend to lose.

His plan starts out okay. Fred figured out how to operate the chainsaw and proceeds to cut into the trunk of the tree. He gets about halfway through when the saw becomes wedged as they will when one doesn't know what the heck they are doing. Fred tries to free the saw to no avail.
"I know," he thinks to himself. "I'll hook my truck to the tree and pull it over; it should go now."

Fred finds a stout cable in the garage and fastens it to the trailer hitch on his truck; after which, he ties it securely around the trunk of the tree. "That oughta do it," he chuckles.
As Fred climbs into the cab of his truck, he is shocked to see his nemesis, the owl, sitting on the yard fence.

"AAAGH, NO, it can't be," he screams. "What are you doing here? Owls only come out at night."
The bird hurls itself off the fence diving straight at the windshield. In terror, Fred stomps the gas pedal to the floor, and the truck spins forward yanking the tree over with a tremendous crash.

The last sound Fred hears before departing this planet is:

"HOOT-HOOT-HOOT-HOOOO, DEATH TO YOU."

A single feather comes drifting down from the sky and lands by the smoldering wreck buried beneath the tree.